"Thank you," he said.

This has been a hard week. In the midst of organizing Gary's medical records and browsing my notes from the "go-zillion" Dr. appts., lab reports and tests, some old feelings have been dredged up.  Again, I find myself tempted to despair.  It shouldn't come as a surprise, that these temptations sneak in when least expected.  You'd think, that since I've been so encouraged by the small, but measurable improvements in Gary's speech and balance recently, I'd be well defended against sadness but I must still guard against the Enemy's attacks on my joy.

Beginning in 2006, and for several years following, we were on a constant roller-coaster ride of emotions as we got devastating news, and experienced the steady falling-away of Gary's mind. On top of that were the secondary trials of finances, insurance changes, moving, changes in lifestyle, etc. There were many, many tears shed over those years.   Lately, most days, it has not been so bad, emotionally.  Acceptance has a lot to do with that.  This is who we are.  We have Alzheimer's Disease in our marriage. Proactively looking for blessings helps too.  Gary is not unhappy.  I actually think he is content as he lives "in the moment" and I enjoy my family, and my friends, and my painting.  I enjoy being with Gary.  We sit together on the sofa and watching Bull Riding, until he falls asleep.  I read the Bible to him sometimes, during the morning when he is alert.  Today I picked his apple up off the floor for him and he spoke to me.  "Thank you," he said. 

I am glad those extremely difficult days of testing, diagnosis, and fears of the unknowns are behind us, but I know there are likely to be extremely difficult days ahead.  We have been laid bare emotionally, and are being humbled under the hammer and chisel of Love.  With my whole heart I believe it is good for us.  It is getting easier to be joyful more of the time, but the last few days have been a good reminder to be on guard, and be aggressive about choosing thankfulness which results in joy. Sometimes saying "Thank You" to God is the furthest thing from my mind, especially when I don't like the gift He's given, and it's frightening, and dark.  But I know that He only gives good gifts.  He is a loving Father.  Choosing to have a thankful heart is sometimes a sacrifice, but it leads to the peace of God.  (Philippians 4:6-7)

"To You I shall offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call upon the name of the LORD." Psalm 116:17

Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a wonderfully helpful book. It has become one of my favorites.  You can buy it  HERE on Amazon.com. 

“In those moments when I have found myself gasping for air, feeling that I was going under, I’ve discovered that gratitude truly is my life preserver.  Even in the most turbulent waters, choosing gratitude rescues me from myself and my runaway emotions.  It buoys me on the grace of God and keeps me from drowning in what otherwise would be my natural bent toward doubt, negativity, discouragement, and anxiety.”  DeMoss

"When prayer teams up with gratitude, when we open our eyes wide enough to see God's mercies even in the midst of our pain, and when we exercise faith and give Him thanks even when we can't see those mercies, He meets us with His indescribable peace.  It's a promise."  DeMoss

Here's a short video to help you in your search for the blessings all around you:  :)

Butter for President Shirts!: http://www.sweetteafilms.com/shop Tavin gets pigeon-holed into what he's thankful for...so here goes! Follow Tavin online! http://www.twitter.com/tavindillard http://www.facebook.com/tavindillard

"Better Than I Deserve"

Big Sur 1974 - Our Honeymoon road trip

Things I repeatedly hear:  "It doesn't seem fair what you and Gary are going through."  "Gary doesn't deserve this."  "Why did this happen to you?"  Let me tell you, if Gary could speak, and you ask him "How are you doing?"...this is what he'd say.  "I'm doing better than I deserve."  In fact, he'd tell you that it's better to be living with "difficulty" than living "the easy life."  Wise Solomon said "It's better to go to a house of mourning, than a house of feasting, because that is the end of every man, and the living takes it to heart...The mind of the wise is in the house of mourning, while the mind of fools is in the house of pleasure." (Ecclesiastes 7)  Thinking deeply about mortality, is a good thing to do.

Septermber 2012

 As Gary's wife and "caregiver" I am regularly reminded to "take care of myself, because I deserve it."  It's a common belief.  "Everyone deserves to be happy."  "We deserve to be safe."  "I don't deserve to be treated like ..."  But do I, or you, or anyone REALLY deserve to have a good, easy, or prosperous life with no worries or troubles?  Even though we are in the midst of this horrendous illness, Alzheimer's Disease, Gary and I are at peace. We are content.  I want to explain why.

Did you know that I'm a sinner?  Did you know that you are too?  Did you know that sin and evil are real and not just a mistake, mishap or oversight?   "Sin", though not a term that is used much any more,  is anything that men and women do (or don't do) that causes them to fall short of the standard of perfection set by the One who created them, regardless of how our culture tries to explain it away.   In fact, every person born on this planet is capable of doing evil things. When people continually reject God and pursue living for themselves, they can eventually be completely given over to horrible behaviors which are motivated by Satan, who, by the way, is real, and he's not a character in a red suit with horns, and a pitch fork.  The Bible says he "prowls around the earth like a roaring lion seeking who he can devour."  We see evidence of his activities in the news, but we also see in every human being, myself included, a selfish, sinful heart.

One of our fruit trees

 Why?  It goes way back to the beginning of things when God made the world and everything in it.  He put man and woman in The Garden and gave them everything they could ever need including a relationship with Him.  I don't know how long their life of bliss lasted but one day, The Enemy, Satan, started putting seeds of doubt in their minds.  Just like me and just like you, they were tempted to think that maybe God was limiting them in some way, that they "deserved" more.  Maybe they knew better than their Creator.  You know the story.  Adam and Eve took things into their own hands, ate the forbidden fruit, and rejected God's way.  They didn't think God was going to satisfy them any more.  That is known as 'The Fall' and what a fall it was.  If we're honest with ourselves, we'd admit that every single one of us, would have done the same thing.  Even as a young person, I can remember choosing to do what I wanted, even though I knew it was not right. I often had prideful thoughts thinking I was better than others, and many times I didn't trust God and what He said.  Most people say pride is a good thing.  God says it is a sin.

Our old fig tree

So even though God placed Adam and Eve into the perfect world, they messed up.  Now, the earth, and people, had a curse to live with.  God's curse.  Things would not be easy.  Now there would be sickness, weeds, difficulty, and death.  "Not fair" you say?  That's because we don't really grasp the perfect holiness of God.  He is not like us.  He is not lacking anything.  He has complete knowledge and wisdom.  Everything He does is completely just AND he is completely merciful at the same time.  Like it or not, there's a price to be paid for human willfulness, that boldly shakes it's fist at God and says, "I don't need you!"  OR the more subtle "God fits into MY own idea of who He is, and I'll run my own life."  But, even though this is a hard truth, God's perfect justice demands punishment for anyone who would be so bold as to think they know better than Him. Eternal punishment for sinners.

"The wages of sin is death..."  Romans 6:23

2008

As soon as they ate the fruit, knowing they had chosen to disobey God,  they felt guilty, ashamed and hid themselves with fig leaves.  We are just like them.  For thousands of years people have been trying to come up with a solution for their guilty feelings.  You know...that "yucky" feeling you have when you know you did something "wrong."  We try to ignore it, or justify it, or keep busy so there's no time to think about it, but every person on the planet knows they are fallible, and something's just not right.  There is a never ending search for peace, satisfaction, fulfillment, balance or even "religious" activities.  But sadly, most of the world's religions only lead to a deceptive sense of security, based on doing enough good things to please God and win His favor.  But no one can be good enough.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Christmas 2012

We are sinful people living in a broken world, with no way to make things right or avoid eternal punishment.  But, God had a plan based on his great love for mankind. He would provide the perfect substitute, His son, to be punished in place of sinful people, IF they would admit their sin and throw themselves on His mercy and ask for forgiveness.  A couple of weeks ago, we celebrated Christmas, The Advent (the awaited arrival).  Baby Jesus was born 2000 years ago in Bethlehem, but that was only the beginning.  He lived 33 years without any sin, ever.  Only God could do this.  Jesus was fully God and fully man. He was born so he could die on the cross and bear the punishment FOR US.  That's what we really deserve!  Eternal punishment.  That would be justice.  But instead God offers us a gracious gift.  He offers salvation.

"For by grace you have been saved, through faith:and that, not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."  Ephesians 2:8-9

Basically, God does it all the saving work.  He offers salvation to the spiritually blind, bankrupt, imprisoned, and oppressed.  (Luke 4:18)  People bring nothing to the table.  That's Love.  That's Grace. Jesus bore His Father's punishment for the sins of all those who would believe/trust Him, when he was crucified.  Admitting our need for this great substitution  is the key to Salvation and being "right with God".  When a person turns from sinning (repents), and believes God (faith), takes Him at His word, he is a new person.  His soul is washed clean.  God no longer sees his sin.  The Bible says God removes that sin as far away as the East is from the West. The debt is forgiven. 

"He (God) made Him (Jesus) who knew no sin, to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." 2 Corinthians 5:21

2011

Gary and I just celebrated our 38th Anniversary on December 28th.  We are experiencing the love and care of God in very personal ways and even though Gary and I are suffering the loss of memories, communication, and companionship, God is helping us to loosen our hold on this earthly life, which is just a blink, in light of eternity.  It will be over before we know it, and, just like all of you, we will stand before the Creator in all His majesty.  For the first time ever we will be in the presence of the absolute perfection and blazing glory of God.  Jesus Christ will be there, seated next to His Father.  He will either say, "Depart from Me, I never knew you."  OR "This one is mine. Their life is hidden in Me. Enter in to the joy of my rest." All people will either spend eternity in Heaven or Hell.

Gary began to follow Jesus Christ when he was 21.  I was a little younger, but it is never too late for anyone.  The license plate was on Gary's work truck for many years.  He loved to tell others about Jesus, and how to know Him.  I am positive that my husband would be pleased that God is causing others to consider the condition of their souls because of our trial of Alzheimer's Disease.  Soon after getting the diagnosis, he prayed, "Lord, please use my life and illness to further Your Kingdom and bring glory to Yourself."  So, please, please consider your soul.  Do you trust Jesus?  Do you live for Him?   Are you saved?

This is why Gary and I are at peace, and content

in the midst of advanced stage Alzheimer's.

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand and we exult in hope of the glory of God."  Romans 5:1-2

I'm Amazed...let me tell you what's up!

Certain events become "milestones" in our lives.  You know... like the birth of a child, death of a loved one, marriage, etc. Then there are other events that, while on the surface, may be only be mildly interesting, but the "back story" reveals their deep significance.  I have been SO EXCITED to tell this story but had to wait until this weekend.  You'll see why if you read on.

To tell it right I have to back up a couple of years and explain.

In 2007 Gary was diagnosed with Dementia due to Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease.  Over the next few years, as his disease progressed, and we learned more of the typical path ahead of us, big decisions were made.  In 2009 we decided it was best to sell our Sunland home and "downsize" to a more manageable place that would suit our coming needs.  The next summer, we moved to our new home, a condo in a 55+ community in Santa Clarita.  That was in May of 2010.
 

Moving Day - May 2010

From the beginning of our journey, in 2007, my heart's desire was that I could keep Gary with me for as long as possible, and hopefully all the way to the end of his earthly life.  I wanted to be the one to manage his care and this is much easier with him at home.  As his body and mind would decline, I knew I would need more help (see related post), and so when I knew we would be moving, I began to look for something very specific.  A condo so I'd have no yard work, one story for obvious reasons, and most importantly...an extra bedroom and full bathroom to eventually be used for a live-in caregiver when things got beyond my physical abilities.  Many of you have been here and know what a nice home God provided for us which fulfilled these needs, and has a beautiful view to boot!

Our Condo since May 2010

So, since we've been here, I've been asking God for just the right person at just the right time to move in to that room.   Several months ago it became apparent that I needed much more help and so I began adding to our "team" of caregivers.  They are here at specific blocks of time on 3 days a week.  On 2 days I run errands and have appointments, and on Sunday I go to church.  That works out perfectly, BUT, what about the sporadic help I need throughout the other days.  I don't need help 24/7 because 90% of the time, Gary is content to sit in his recliner and listen to music or work with his "projects."   But when I DO need to move Gary to the restroom, or in or out of the car, or getting ready for bed, or up in the morning, my 59 year old body is getting hurt.  My back and shoulders tell me that I am doing too much; the wheel chair is too heavy to load and unload from the car, Gary's "scissor stepping" and balance issues cause ongoing shoulder pain, and dressing/undressing makes my hands hurt because of his upper body strength which he uses to grip the fabric, and resist bending or straightening his arms. 

I know... lots of detail here...but you'll see why...read on.

Tightly gripping hands

At a family strategy meeting in July, as we were figuring out how much additional care giving we'd need, I was asked, "What would be your perfect scenario, Mom?"  I said,  "What we really need is a young man with a strong back who can help with sporadic physical and personal needs throughout the day...10-15 minute segments and then go.  It doesn't make financial sense to hire someone to be here all the time, since caregivers need a 3 hour minimum and they'd be sitting twiddling their thumbs 90% of the time."  Well of course that seemed impossible.  The timing seemed right for a live-in helper, but we couldn't even think of the right type of person.  A student would be gone too much.  A retired person likely lacks strength.  The Lord had provided the room, but who could fill the bill?  We ended the discussion with "We'll just have to keep praying about it, and see if the Lord will work it out."  About that time, our friend, Gretchen, suggested we look for someone who worked from home.  I continued to pray for this as well. It probably goes without saying, but in order for someone to live with us in our home, they need to be trustworthy. 

Support Needed

Ever since God saved me I have loved talking to Him.  He hears me.  He cares.  I tell him everything.  I ask forgiveness when I sin and I praise Him for His wonderful doings.  I ask Him for things that arise up from my desires, but I don't expect Him to provide them if they are not good for me.  I may not see the specific results, but I am convinced that He is attentive and doing thousands of seen and unseen things all the time everywhere.  He is particularly attentive to our cries for help when we entrust the results to His wise, kind, just and loving care.



The family strategy session was in mid-July.  4 days later, I got a call from our daughter in Florida. It went something like this:
 


April:  "Mom I want to tell you something.  Do you remember meeting Jason?" 
Me:  "Yes, I've met him on one of our visits there, but don't really know him."  (He was one of the young men in their church and a good friend of our son-in-law.) 
April: "You know, he follows your blog, he's been praying for you and Dad, and he told us that he would really like to come out to California to help you both.  He wondered if you'd like him to do that?"
Me:  Stunned Silence.  
Me:  "He wants to WHAT?
April:  "You should talk to him.  You'd really like him and he's so responsible and loves the Lord.  He's a really neat guy."
Me:  "Did he know we were praying for someone like him?"
April: "No."

Gary's interestd in  the garden, but can't get back up.

So since July, Jason and I have been shooting emails back and forth, working out the details of how things will work, but to get to the point, he is on his way RIGHT NOW, from Florida to move in with us this weekend.  I have been waiting to share this amazing news until he's on the road since things can always change, but as of now, he's in Texas, and on a course, set by the Lord to be our help and encouragement.  



If you think God is vague and generally disinterested, or too busy to notice the specifics, get this:


Jason has been a CNA. (Certified Nursing Assistant)
Jason has a full-time job which he does FROM HOME!
Jason loves Jesus.
Jason has is considerate and responsible.
Jason is young and strong.
Jason is willing to exchange rent for care.
AND...most amazingly...It was our dear Lord that prompted Jason to want to come and serve us!  Not me or anyone else!

Of course things may change.  I don't know how long a time Jason is going to be a part of our home and lives.  But God is sovereign.  He is Large and In Charge.  This is God's story, not mine.  He can do as He pleases, and I trust Him.   Whether long or short, the HUGE lesson I have learned and will NEVER forget,  is that "God is intimately acquainted with all my ways." as He says in Psalm 139.

"The Lord will accomplish what concerns me..." Ps 138:8

"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God for help;  He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry for help before Him came into His ears." Ps. 18:6

"Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.  He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;  I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him.  With a long life I will satisfy him and let him see My salvation."
Ps. 91:14-16

God is REAL folks. Take Him at his word.  

Gary at Descanso Gardens

My Chat with Carol

My blogging friend, Carol on the opposite side of the country cares for her dear husband who suffers from Alzheimer's. She has a very helpful blog with many good links and book reviews as well as vignettes from their lives.  We share a love for Jesus and she too, is being strengthened by Him.

Recently she interviewed me for her blog.  If you care to read her questions and my answers click here 

"I don't know, I'm making this up as I go!" Indiana Jones

Gary and a "friend" go for a ride.

It felt a little like "Florida Weather" today.  We enjoyed a bit of rain even though the air was warm.  It was a welcome relief from the heat of August.  Having the windows open felt so good and I was able to do some pruning in our tiny garden without sweating.  The forecast is for more hot days ahead, and like most season changes, the Fall weather will not come suddenly. There will likely be warm days with cool nights, and a few more rainy days, mixed with less and less heat, before we are into the cooler days and nights of Autumn.   Seasons change gradually and sometimes imperceptibly here.

Gary and I are in the midst of more changes and that has me feeling a bit off balance.   Come to think of it, we have been making a string of adjustments for several years, and just when things are rolling along with a certain level of care giving, or our schedule, his health declines, and we need to make new arrangements. This is true for many of us who are involved with a progressive illness, or even raising children.  This life is constantly changing.  In a July Post  I mentioned that we would not be able to continue at the Adult Day Health Care program for various reasons.  This was the start of another transition.  Here it is September and we have already been making some changes.  Each week, we now have some "in home care giving," and Gary and I are enjoying some one-hour outings together with a friend helping us.  These activities have substituted nicely for the program.  (I've included photos of some of these great times with our care-givers and our planned "outings.")

Sampling at the Farmer's Market Outing - Aug. 2012

Checking Light bulbs at the Lowes Outing - Aug. 2012

Trying out the W.C.

But just like the occasional changes in the weather, we have had some changes of our own.  Over the summer, Gary's mobility and balance has really decreased.  It's kind of like when a little baby begins to walk, and they make a step or two, and drop to their knees, then they do it again, but step farther before dropping down again, then pretty soon they walk all the way and never go back to crawling.  BUT it's in reverse for us.  We have a "hard" day, and then a few good days, and then a couple of  "hard" days, and then a good day or two, and then pretty soon the "problem" is constant and he never goes back.  SO, we begin to "transition" when we start to see a pattern developing and that is where we are at right now.  In the middle of making arrangements to get even more help.  The wheel chair gets more use and makes it possible to do more and he wears the gait belt all the time, so we can stabilize him but we're looking for more help, and it is a time-consuming process.

Enjoying the Gene Autry Museum Aug 2012

 I wish I could slow things down and keep Gary the way he is for longer so things could stay the same.  I don't like change when it means less "normal'...when it means more distance between us....when it means others doing the things that I want to do for him.  BUT...I can no more control this disease than prevent Autumn from coming. 

Friendly Valley Billards Aug. 2012

Each season has it's own unique pleasures and pains.  We love how freshly fallen snow looks on pine trees, but we don't like driving on icy roads.  We enjoy the beach, but don't like the sun burn.  What's to love about the new season Gary and I are approaching?  I don't know yet.  We are in transition.  But I DO know that there are things about the season we are leaving that I have loved.  Gary talks to me with his eyes.  He knows me, or at least feels comfortable with me.  Old and new friends and our church has come around us.  The physical demands on me have motivated some weight loss.   There's a few.

When I'm tempted to feel anxious or scared about the unknowns or confused about what kind of care to choose, I am not always, but usually praying "God, I don't know what to do, but I know that YOU do.  So help me patiently trust as you unfold Your plans in our lives."  I know He will continue to provide for us exactly what we need, when we need it just as He has all along.


King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said that "God has made everything beautiful (appropriate/good) in it time."  Ecc. 3:11.  This being true I am sure that even this transition, is also beautiful, for it causes me to depend on the Lord and cling tightly to Him just as a child is led across a busy street by his parent until he is safely on the other side. 

Mark Twain, Coffee and a Pastry Sept. 2012

"The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

"He who gives attention to the word will find good, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord."  Proverbs 16:20

Horatius Bonar's Gift to Me

Have you ever been overwhelmed with an emotion and then a verse, poem or song just "pops" into your head.  That happens to me so many times.  It happened yesterday.  Yesterday was a hard day.  Let me first say that there were many things to be thankful for and so I've already added them to my little  Thank You God List.

We went on an outing and I came back "weary, worn and sad."  These words are included in a very old song, written over 100 years ago, by Horatius Bonar, a Scottish preacher.  The song has been ringing in my ears since yesterday.  I can't add anything to the wonderful words, and the melody has served my soul with the reminder that it is ONLY by sticking close to Jesus will earthly sorrows be swallowed up with His beauty and love for me.  The song is really about the eternal life and joy that Jesus offers, but because He has given me the gift of that life, I can smile today, in spite of this life's difficulties.

Please take a couple of minutes to listen and read the lyrics.  Let it be my gift to you too.  Click on the photo below.

Jesus said "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."  Matthew 11:28-30

Thanks John for the Cup

Gary's long time friend, John, was in town this week for business, and he brought Gary a new coffee mug.  They have enjoyed countless cups of coffee together over the years.  He knows Gary well, and gave him a mug that reflects that.  The handle is big for his fingers, it has a big "bolt" to rest his thumb on, the tools are "raised" so Gary can feel their texture.  It's yellow, like Gary's yellow truck which they worked out of together.

When we receive a gift, we say "Thank you" to the one who gave it.

In order to be a bit more intentional about being thankful..."In everything give thanks; for this God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18, I've started a "page" to keep an ongoing list as things come to mind.  (Click the tab, to the right, above this post)  I am calling it "Thank you God" because giving thanks implies that you are thanking Someone.  Some things are little, some are big, but we are to be grateful for EVERYTHING, so I hope it inspires all of us, to remember to say thank you to God as we go throughout our day.

So "Thank you, John, for the cup, and thank you, God, for John!"

Hope you all have a wonder-filled day, and remember to say "thank you" to the One who gives all good gifts!

Bad News - I think not.

Our Walk at Lower Lake Castaic (July 2012)

I received a call from the social worker at the Adult Day Health Care Center yesterday.  Gary attends the program 3 times a week and has been going there for about 2 years.  The sweet voice on the phone apologetically said, "Gary is needing a higher level of care, and we are short handed right now.  I'm sorry but in order for Gary to continue attending, his fees will increase and you'll also need to send a caregiver with him to assist the staff with his care."  Well, as you can imagine, the cost would be prohibitive, because the cost of adding a caregiver to assist in the program would be double what we are paying now, so I let her know that next week will have to be his last week.

Working the gadget board (July 2012)

Yes, I shed a tear, when I hung up the phone.  It makes me sad to be reminded of Gary's decline in health.  The program has been good for him, and I am sorry it has to come to an end. The staff have been very helpful and compassionate towards Gary.  He has never given them any "trouble."  He just needs more help than they can give at present.  But as to this news being "bad" it isn't really.  Many of you know that the ongoing decision making regarding Gary's care is always on my mind.  With any progressive illness, adjustments must be made frequently.  Just when you think you have something all worked out for a while, there must be a change in the schedule, or who is helping, or how many hours, or what kind of exercise routine.

Of late, I've been praying for wisdom regarding stepping up the care, as to what would be best for Gary and I. One of the things I had considered was additional days at the Health Care Center.  Well, as usual, the Lord leads...this time by taking that option off the table completely.  God is working His plan in our lives, and I am looking forward to what that might be.  This trial has been humbling for me as I am again forced to "wait and see" what God wants for us.  There are other options out there, which we will explore, but in the mean time, I will choose joy, and peace.  They are promised to me in abundance, and I am going to relish in the good, loving care of the one true God.

At the workbench (July 2012)

A verse I've been thinking about lately is Ecclesiastes 3:11.  "He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in their heart without which man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end."

God has graciously given me an eternal perspective.  This life is brief in light of "forever" and therefore I can have the pleasure of knowing that life IS beautiful and there is a good work going on here. This momentary "setback" is just a part of the process of bringing about a beautiful plan and we are privileged to be involved.

I'm so grateful for so many of you who keep praying for us.  I desire to know God better and better, and want to keep my mind focused on His great love for us.  Please join with me in praying for me (and all of us) to that end.  Thank you.

 

Watercolor Journals - Psalm 103

Recently a friend asked me to paint a portrait of their home for an anniversary gift for her husband.   Don't you just LOVE their house?  I really enjoyed this assignment. Especially the white porch railing and the red door.  The reference photos they sent me showed rocking chairs on the porch.  What a great spot for a glass of iced tea and a good book. 

My favorite part of this project, though, was thinking about their family and how they have given of themselves to others, using their home as a gift from God to be used for His wonderful purposes.

"Bless the LORD oh my soul and all that is within me bless His holy name!"

It was not possible to include in the painting, but there is a Bible verse written just above the door on that very welcoming porch. That's what got me thinking...




How am I stirring up my deepest self to magnify God's character?  Am I using all the resources I've been given to "show off God"?  Am I yielding up to God the secret areas of my life that I like to control so that I better reflect Him?   Charles Spurgeon said it better than me when he commented on Psalms 103:1

"Soul music is the very soul of music.  The Psalmist strikes the best key-note when he begins with stirring up his inmost self to magnify the Lord.  He soliloquizes, holds self-communion and exhorts himself, as though he felt that dulness would all too soon steal over his faculties, as, indeed, it will over us all, unless we are diligently on the watch.  Jehovah is worthy to be praised by us in that highest style of adoration which is intended by the term bless...Many are our faculties, emotions, and capacities, but God has given them all to us, and they ought all to join in chorus to his praise.  Half-hearted, ill-conceived, unintelligent praises are not such as we should render to our loving Lord.  If the law of justice demanded all our heart and soul and mind for the Creator, much more may the law of gratitude put in a comprehensive claim for the homage of our whole being to the God of grace." (from Treasury of David)


Karen has kindly written about my painting on her blog if you care to check it out.  Karen's blog post

Remembering

(Sorry  if this is a duplicate for you, but I made a boo-boo and had to republish this post.)

As I said in the last post...I am enjoying the recently digitized treasure of Gary's photos from the 60's.  Now that they are digital...there's so much we can do with them!

Thanks, April and Jon!

We received a photo frame from our kids at Christmas.  So I loaded some of Gary's childhood photos onto a memory card, and then plugged it into the frame.  (Forgive the detail, if you already know about these...but I can't help being excited!)  

I love how they cycle through as in a slide show.  Mine are set for 30 second intervals.  The image is about 5" X 7".  (Vertical photos are smaller, but the frame can be turned on it's side if more are vertical.)

Frame is bigger than appears here.

I had this frame sitting around different places in the house, for several weeks, and could never interest Gary in it, until last week.  I put it on the counter, right in front of where he was sitting and he began watching.  I even saw a smile for a little while.  For an Alzheimer's mind, the slow rotation was great. 

Eye level is best.

 Since the long term memories are the last to go, I think he was really enjoying remembering his family's many water skiing vacations, family pets, and projects.  He didn't loose interest for at least 30 minutes.




Last fall I got started making "Memory Books" for Gary.  I've made several, and they are all of our own family photos, scanned from slides from the 70's and 80's.  Now that I have Gary's photos, I intend to make some more memory books for him. For more detail on these...click:  My post about Memory Books

I think the single most frightening thing about Alzheimer's Disease is the loss of memory.  Not just how to tie your shoes, or what you just said, but who you are, and where did you come from.  The confusion that results from not remembering things.  With memories disappearing, I am so glad for digital photos! They are helping to give Gary comforting images to reassure his mind. They also give him something to focus on.

A friend got me thinking today about how God remembers us.  With Gary 'forgetting' so much, I'm glad she brought it mind.  My friend prompted me to think about the following:

1. We may forget everything, but God will not forget us. "Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.  For He Himself knows our frame; He remembers that we are but dust."  Psalm 103:13-14
2. God does NOT remember our sins, since our lives are hidden with Christ in God. "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins." Isaiah 43:25
3. Now is the time to be thinking about God because life is fleeting, like the vapor on a cup of coffee and no one knows if or when they will not be able to.  "Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, 'I have no delight in them.'" Ecclesiastes 12:1 Here's a great message on this by Rick Holland
   

 Gary may forget ALL things.  God will not forget him.

"Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be.  We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is.  And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure." 1 John 3:2-3

A Woman's Got to Know Her Limitations #4: Choose Wisely

Limitation #4: Quadrants

"CHOOSE WISELY"

Given my personality, I tend to only think it was a good day if my 'to-do' list is done, but no matter what your personality is, there's never enough hours in the day to do EVERYTHING on the list.  I recently came upon this very helpful way of looking at things in a book by Dave Ramsey, and it is SO helpful I wanted to share it with you.  (He credits Dr. Stephen Covey, who wrote "7 Habits of Effective People.")

We spend all our time in one of these 4 categories.

We do things that are:

1. Important AND Urgent
2. Important but NOT Urgent
3. NOT Important but Urgent
4. NOT Important and NOT Urgent

I'm sure you are already thinking of things for each category.   EVERYTHING we do fits into this list.  Activities can even move from category to category, depending on our goals.  Most reasonably responsible people will take care of #1: Important AND Urgent  Whether there is a school or business deadline, you need dinner, or your child falls down and gets hurt, we drop everything and get it done. 

Most people know to avoid spending very much time on #4 items: NOT Important and NOT Urgent  These are the morally neutral time wasters which can be different for everyone, but for me can include some Social Media, some T.V., and Crossword Puzzles.  Dave Ramsey calls these the "passive, unproductive moments and people."  I believe that some relaxation is necessary in everyone's life but it is easy to cross over from "relaxing" into "wasting time."

The problem areas are #3 and #2. 

#3: NOT Important but Urgent items are tricky.  They steel us away from what we should be doing, because they are urgent, so they SEEM important!  For me this can be the unplanned things that come up throughout the day that demand my attention such as; Ads that come in the mail or if one of the blogs I follow has a contest/give-away that requires a response. Or how about Email and Facebook notifications on my phone which may or may not be important, but the temptation to "check on them" immediately can cause me to loose my train of thought from what I was doing.  You get the idea.  There was book I heard of a while back called  The Tyranny of the Urgent   I haven't read it, but love the title.  Tyranny is defined as arbitrary or unrestrained exercise of power.  Why do we let these things take over our present time?  I want to say here, that these items may actually be important, once evaluated, but in my own life anyway, I need to come at them in an orderly way.  I can make decisions about them without deviating from the important thing that I am doing in the present moment.  For instance (and I have done this by the way): While I am making dinner, I get a little notice on my phone that I have an email coming in.  Let's say it's an advertisement from Christopher and Banks , my favorite online clothing source.  I have a choice...I can stop chopping vegies, and check on the ad, or I can "flag" it for later, when I need to have "relaxation" time and presently, get back to the chopping block.  Better yet...don't even check on it till later.  If I have already used up the clothing budget funds for that month, the ad is actually Not Important and Not Urgent and should not even be flagged.

(PAUSE:  Right now since this blog post is in the category of Important but NOT Urgent, I need to make dinner, so I will be back after dinner!)
 

OK... I'm back...

#2: Important but NOT Urgent activities are the ones we need to DO!  Dave's list is: "exercise, strategic planning, goal setting reading nonfiction leadership/business books, taking a class or three, relationship building, prayer, date night with your spouse, a day off devoted to brainstorming, doing your will/estate plan, saving money, and having the oil changed in your car."  We each have a unique list of things that are Important but NOT Urgent.  Mine include some of the same things...exercise, time with Gary, prayer, friendships, etc.  According to Dave, these activities are "the building blocks of a high-quality life and business and yet because they are not urgent, they seem to be some of the things we avoid the most."  He's right. He makes the point that if we avoid them, they will end up moving to the #1: Important AND URGENT category, because of neglect. If I don't get the oil changed regularly, my car will be needing expensive repairs...or worse.  You get the idea.

"HE CHOSE POORLY"

I'm trying really hard to budget time for #1 and #2 avoid and/or delegate #3 and avoid completely #4.

For a visual...here's the chart from Dr. Covey:

 

 

Lego Indiana Jones (Neither Important nor Urgent)

 

 

Gary's Prayers - "Thank You"

Gary's Prayers

since being diagnosed with Alzheimer's in '07

 May 16, 2012

"Heavenly Father, thank you"

Gary prayed last night.  This is the first time in MONTHS that he has prayed out loud.  It was at dinner with some friends over.  His prayer was short.  It ended abruptly.  He got "stuck" as if he was going to say more but couldn't.  I finished for him and then our friend, Steve, commented that he had often heard Gary begin his prayers this way.

Can you even imagine how encouraging these 4 words were to my heart?   He is still giving praise and honor to his Heavenly Father, because he has been rescued from his heart of stone and been given a heart of flesh.  In his simple, random, rare moments, he continues to give thanks to God.

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

To the suffering Believers who were scattered about because of persecution, Peter wrote:

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect(fix what is broken),confirm(strengthen with resolve, under-gird), strengthen(strengthen wherever needed), and establish (give a firm foundation) you."  1 Peter 5:10

Though the circumstances were different, God is ALWAYS using this fallen world to do "a thousand things" in the lives of those who entrust their souls to Him.  May we ALL give thanks (to God) in EVERYTHING!

My Second Favorite Book

My Journey Into Alzheimer's Disease by Robert Davis - A REVIEW

I don't even know where to start.  I have underlined so much of this book that I'm sitting here rereading it again just to choose my favorite quotes.  Everyone I've bumped into this week has gotten an earful from me about this man who wrote down his experience for others.  I've asked my family to please read it, and now I'm excited to share it with you all. 

Just like my Gary, Robert Davis was diagnosed with 'early-onset' Alzheimer's in his 50's.  He was enjoying a wonderful life as a pastor in Miami, Florida for 14 years, when he began the confusion began.  Married 30 years with 2 daughters, and busy with his ministry, his life was abruptly changed as he had to step away from his beloved preaching, counseling and shepherding.  His writing takes place during the early stages of the disease, and possibly into the start of the middle stage.  Some of the chapters were written by Robert, some by his wife, Betty, and some were edited by her. (Especially when he had lost the ability to write, and, though able to record his story, he repeated himself frequently and often had a hard time gathering his thoughts.)

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

At least half of the book is devoted to his personal history and spiritual journey.  He shares from his heart the deep struggles with the confusion and blank mind which would come and go, and how his relationship with God was able to continue.  Knowing what his walk with God had been like up to this point is important in order to understand how God takes a person where he is at, and continues working in their heart.

"I now realize that instead of holding on to God and pulling myself up by my exuberant faith, I have to relax and have the simplest childlike faith and let Jesus hold me."  R.D.

INSIGHT

In the later chapters he tells what it's like for the person who's mind is confused and how to help them function at their highest ability.  He even relates what he would have done differently in comforting those with dementia in his congregation.

"...if I want to function at the top of my limited capaciy, I must establish a routine and keep to it.  It must stay away from crowds, blinking lights, too much emotional or mental stimulation, and must not become physically exhausted." R.D.

"Whatever reaches my ears with the loudest noise is that which penetrates into my consciousness and rules my perceptions." R.D.

"Perhaps if you have loved ones whose reading is impaired you could make tapes of their favorite Bible portions, Christian poems, or old hymns.  Thus at their time of need God can use your familiar voice to bless and comfort them with God's words." R.D.

I HAD TO STOP AND THINK

I could hardly imagine someone with this illness composing a book.  It's obvious that A.D. effects people differently, but how could anyone form sentences and compose their thoughts with such limited cognition.  But then, Robert Davis had been a communicator by profession, for his entire adult life.  He loved to read, write, study, and speak.  As I've been around the Alzheimer's community for several years, I can see that the basic skills stay a long time.  Even though Gary is in the advanced stage, he still likes to work on little gadgets with his hands, and loves to bend wire with his duckbill pliers, then straighten it again.  So it makes sense to me that Rev. Davis could relate his experiences so well, especially with help from Betty, just as I help Gary by putting the pliers in his right hand and the wire in his left.
  
WHY THIS BOOK MEANS SO MUCH TO ME

It is timely and specific to my questions.

I have longed to understand what it is like for Gary, and how I can better help him.  I am limited by Gary's silence.  If there are things that I can do, to minimize the confusion, and help him focus on what he loves, and what's important, I want to do them.  I pray for understanding and wisdom daily.  How often Gary and I have held each other while I have prayed for God to help us and show me what to do.  I have read many books on A.D. and none have been this helpful, because this time, I was able to get a glimpse of what to do.  My mind is racing with ideas of things to do differently and ways to enhance Gary's life.

I have wondered how God works in Gary's heart.  I know He does, because He promised to, but how does a confused mind grasp it. Does it NEED to grasp it?  Gary was saved from his sins over 40 years ago.  Jesus promised, "I will never leave you or forsake you."  He will "perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish" all of His own.  "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8) So there is no doubt in my mind that Gary is safely nestled in the arms of Jesus and his soul is being nurtured day by day.  I am sure God works differently with each of his children, but just reading about Robert's walk with God is SO comforting to me.  Here is another believer, 20 years ago, on the opposite coast, that was being loved and cared for by God, and he knew it, and wrote about it, and it has ministered to my heart.  I believe the Lord sent this book to me to bolster and encourage me and help prepare me for whatever comes next. 

MY FAVORITE BOOK

The Bible of course is my favorite book.  It's Gary's favorite too, and here's what Robert says about it:

 "I am learning to take strength and comfort wherever and whenever it comes to me.  Since it is no longer possible to feed my inner man through the usual channels of prayer, meditation, and Bible study, I am learning to be strengthened by words and instructions that suddenly pop into my mind.  To recall definite things, particularly under stress, is very difficult.  Somehow the more I try to think of something, the more the thoughts disappear.  However, at times certain things pop into my mind, much to my surprise and everyone else's.  I cannot read the Bible, but suddenly miscellaneous Bible verses come to mind.  I take these and think about them for as long as I can, enjoying their truths and praising God for this facet of blessing.  As I do this, I also have a reason to thank God for his goodness." R.D.

One of the MANY reasons the Bible is my favorite book is that it tells me that God is "intimately acquainted with all my ways." and "He cares for me."  I believe it.  When God gave me insight into Robert Davis' spiritual and mental journey, He was answering my prayers.

MY SECOND FAVORITE BOOK

My Journey Into Alzheimer's Disease is only $9.86 on Amazon.com.  It's only 140 pages.  If you have a loved one or friend with A.D. or you are a caregiver of anyone with dementia, you need this book.
 

Gary on one of our walks, December 2011.

Watercolor Journals - Two Lambs

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures

He leadeth me beside the still waters

He restoreth my soul. 

He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

 

Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.

Thou annointest my head with oil,

My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life,

And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Amen." 

David's 23rd Psalm

I'm just a stupid sheep, in desperate need of a shepherd.  Hungry. Thirsty.  Lost.  Fearful.  Hurting.  Empty.   So needy.  BUT my Shepherd, so kind, brave, and good, bought me for His very own, in spite of my condition, and now with David I can say goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life!

My Jesus is ALSO called a sheep, but He is not at all like me. 

"...you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold... but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ." (1 Peter 1) 

Like a precious lamb, pure, and without blemish, but not helpless, He willingly went to the cross to pay the penalty of death for sin, for me, as worthless as I was.  

That's what I'm most joyful about.

  

A woman's got to know her limitations #3: Five "W's"

Limitation #3: KNOWLEDGE

The Latest Mystery

Who? Gary
What? Inhale...hold breath...exhale with rhythmic interruptions (like throat clearing, but not) with a pained expression and a spike in blood pressure
When? Mostly in the afternoon or evening and at bedtime...when fatigued, until he is sound asleep.
Where? Anywhere, but always when going to bed

I can answer all but one of the fact gathering journalism questions I learned in high school. 
Why? 

Ultimately it's because Gary has Alzheimer's Disease, but as to WHY this particular symptom is happening, I'm in the dark.  Gary can't tell me what it feels like, or why he does this when he's tired.  

Not everyone with A.D. does this, and in fact neither of his Doctors have seen it before.  It seems to me that "why" is the most important question to ask, because if there is a physiological cause, perhaps we could remedy it, to make Gary more comfortable.  I understand that there are many, many symptoms of dementia that are unexplainable, but that doesn't take away my "quest" to understand this one.  His other behaviors don't seem to make him uncomfortable like this one does.  (Just try holding your breath for 10 seconds, and then let it out slowly in short bursts.  Carry on for 10-15 minutes, if you want to see how tiring it is.)  Once he falls asleep, he goes back to normal breathing the same as when he is awake and rested.  The only thing I've found that shorten's the time, is playing instrumental hymns.  I think his mind focuses on the tunes he is familiar with, and he breathes more normally and falls asleep. 

NOW, please...I'm not sharing all this to get everyone worried or send you all on a hunt for answers.  Gary's doctors say it's not cause for alarm and doesn't sound like sleep apnea, because he doesn't "gasp for air".  Even so, I sometimes have a hard time pulling myself away from Google in my search for information on this behavior.  It remains a mystery to me. That is the point of this post...many things in life are mysteries. 

This morning I was reading in Genesis 36-46 about Joseph. Here's what stood out to me in the narrative.

•  Because of his brothers' jealousy and hatred, they nearly killed Joseph, and ended up selling him to some traders who took him to Egypt. KIDNAPPED!  SLAVERY!
•  Next, he became the property of Potiphar, the captain of Pharoah's bodyguard.  But the Lord was with Joseph, so he became a successful man and trusted to be the overseer of all that Potiphar owned, but Potiphar's wife was chasing after Joseph.  When he rejected her sexual advances and  "fled" from her presence, she falsely accused him of rape.  This landed him in prison...unjustly.  FALSE IMPRISONMENT!
• In prison, the Lord was with Joseph and extended kindness to him.  Again, he was put in charge of things.  When a couple of Pharaoh's officials landed in jail too, Joseph helped them out by correctly interpreting their dreams, but when released instead of helping him in return, by reporting to Pharaoh, about Joseph's kidnapping and unjust imprisonment, he was FORGOTTEN!

Was Joseph a victim?  A dupe?  God's pawn?  There were many times when Joseph's tribulations could have logically ended...One brother wanted to rescue him, but didn't get there in time.    Potiphar should have believed Joseph, since he had proven his character already.  Pharaoh's official could have remembered Joseph's unjust imprisonment. What must Joseph have thought?  Did he doubt that God was hearing his prayers? 

• Two years later, Pharaoh had a dream...It turns out that none of his "magicians" could interpret it, so that's when the official, who had been in prison with Joseph, remembered him and told Pharaoh that he knew a guy that could correctly interpret dreams.  TWO YEARS!
• So, NOW Joseph is released to come interpret Pharaoh's dream which has incredible significance for the entire country of Egypt and the surrounding lands.  There would be 7 years of prosperity, followed by 7 years of famine.  Joseph's suggestions about managing the produce, landed him a position of authority in Egypt..."So Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Since God has informed you of all this, there is no one so discerning and wise as you are.  Pharaoh said to Joseph, "See I have set you over all the land of Egypt."  STRATEGIC POSITION!
• When the famine struck, Joseph's father, Jacob, back in Canaan, heard there was food in Egypt and sent his sons to buy some and bring it back.  Joseph of course recognizes his brothers, but they don't know him, and after a series of fascinating encounters, reveals himself to them, and brings his entire family to live in the best land of Egypt at Pharaoh's invitation. 
• Joseph said to his brothers, "I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt.  No do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.  For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are still five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvesting.  God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant in the earth, and to keep you alive by a great deliverance, no therefore, it was not you who sent me here, BUT GOD..."
• Even though the famine could have wiped out God's chosen people, the nation of Israel was preserved.  "Now Israel lived in the land of Egypt in Goshen, and they acquired property in it and were fruitful and became very numerous."  All because of a young guy being hated by his brothers.  
• Years later after Joseph's father died, the brothers worried that Joseph would seek revenge.  His response to them was reassuring, and made an important point about God.  "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result to preserve many people alive."  Genesis 50:20 

There are times that God puts a limit on our understanding.  He is Creator.  I am created.  He has full knowledge about everything.  My knowledge is limited!  God did not "rescue" Joseph until the time was right...Pharaoh needed to have his dream.  Joseph needed to be in charge of the food during the famine.  God was at work saving the nation of Israel from destruction again.  He had promised to make a great nation of Jacob's descendants, and He was working out His plan.  I believe the providence of God is the greatest miracle of all.  God is using the "free will" choices of people every where to work out His plan, all the time.  When he was kidnapped, falsely accused, imprisoned, and forgotten, his knowledge of the plan was limited.  What a thrill it must have been for Joseph to at last see the plan unfolding.   

When I am unable to understand why Gary has strange behaviors, that seemingly make him uncomfortable, and I am not given the key to unlock them, I too am limited.   BUT!  I worship the exact same God that Joseph did.  He loves Gary, and He loves me.  I know that He is good and He is always at work. He may not reveal the details of His plan to me, but better yet, He reveals Himself through His word, and I see His character displayed in His care for us!  Of course I will continue to monitor Gary's latest symptoms, try to see what can be done to help him, and do what the Doctor's suggest, but I am not going to fret about them.  I know where this disease is headed, and so for those of you who love Jesus, I would ask for your prayers for Gary's comfort, and my peace.  Meanwhile, the narrative about Joseph, reminds me that the hand of God at work in the lives of men, God keeps His promises, gives us the strength to be faithful during trials and wants us to be closer to Him. My limited understanding of the "created", is the pathway to knowing the Creator.  This comforts me.

Paul prayed for the Colossian believers that they "would be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God strengthened with all power according to His glorious might for the attaining of steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light."(Col. 1)  Sounds like Joseph, doesn't it? 

"A woman's got to know her limitations" #2: Rice in a basket

Continuing the series on limitations, here's a fun one...

Limitation # 2: POINTS

I don't know what it is about visual aids with me, but I need to "SEE" things in order to understand.  I have been needing to get rid of some excess poundage, for some time, and decided that I needed a good motivator.  SO, knowing I needed to loose some weight, I bought a large bag of rice at Stater Brothers.  I was in shock to feel how heavy it was!  REALITY CHECK... I would NEVER voluntarily strap that on my back and go about my business.  BUT I had been willingly walking around with it every day for several years!  SO, when I got home, I measured 1 pound of rice into multiple ziplock baggies.   Well, you guessed it...when a pound is lost, a bag of rice goes from the basket to the jar.  When I need motivating or encouragement, I pick up the basket to see how much I have left to loose.  The jar is nearly full, I'm happy to say, and the basket is more than half empty.

I have done LOTS of different kinds of diets, but I have really been enjoying the Weight Watchers plan online since January 1st.  No foods are off limits, and the point system is calculated for you for just about every possible food.  If it's not in their online list, you can fill in the fat, carb, fiber, and protien content, on the website's calculator, and find the point value.  You are given a set number of points for each day, based on how much weight you want to loose, and also a weekly amount that can be used anytime you want in one week, so Grandkids birthday parties, can be enjoyed, and an occasional cookie, or bowl of chips.  These "treats" are fun to look forward to.  I think this kind of a diet is really good because it helps retrain good habits, and choices.  If you choose to blow all the points on a hamburger and fries for lunch, you're going to be very hungry at dinner, so best to choose something more nutritious.  Now an occasional hamburger IS ok, but only within the points you've been given, so hold the cheese please, and maybe cut it in half, and split the fries with someone.  You get the idea.  Instead of the big bowl of ice cream, limit it to 1/2 cup.

Of course exercise is encouraged, and so I have been brisk walking 3 times per week, when Gary is at the Adult Day Health Care.  20 minutes earns 2 points, which can be traded for 2 points of  food, or not.   I like to use that time to pray and enjoy our beautiful Friendly Valley, or Bridgeport Lake in Valencia.

Bridgeport Lake

Friendly Valley

I've been enjoying my food more, the flavors, and the seasonings.  I feel more energetic, and am slowly regaining the use of a few items in my closet.  2/3 of the rice bags are already in the jar, and 1/3 are still in the basket, so I'm not done, but I am looking forward to new habits forming.  Lifestyle change. 

So, along with budgeting TIME,(see last post), I am also budgeting POINTS.  I've got a few more limitations I'm going to share with you in upcoming posts, so stay tuned!

"...do you know know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?  For you have been bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body."  1 Corinthians 6:19-20

"Whether, then you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."  1 Corinthians 10:31 

"A woman's got to know her limitations" #1: Rocks in a Jar

"A woman's got to know her limitations" is a series I'm starting.  Do I sound like Clint Eastwood?  I hope not.  Anyway, I've been thinking about constraints for several weeks, and decided to comment on the current limits in my life.

Limitation #1: TIME

To quote Jim Croce..."If I could put time in a bottle..." well, more of that later, but right now I just want to put some of our Moonstone Beach rocks in a jar...

Empty jar and collected stones

They don't fit...RATS!

OK...let's get organized.

SUCCESS!

"What's my secret?" you ask?
You must load the jar in descending order.  If you start with the small pebbles there will inevitably be no room for the larger stones.  First load the big ones then finish with the little ones.

When Gary was first diagnosed with A.D. his Dr. gave me a book for caregivers called The 36 Hour Day.  I would LOVE to have a 36 hour day and the appropriate amount of energy too because this is a busy season of life for me.  (I'll spare you the details, because many of you are in busy seasons as well, and I'm sure you understand.)  There used to be a time when Gary would help me sort it all out, being very logical, and would help me decide what tasks were most important.  Now he rarely speaks so I have to rely on what I think he would say.  I'm sure he'd tell me to do the most important things first, so they would be sure to get done, and let the less important things sort themselves out.

I never get everything done that I want to, and never will, but I'm comforted by the fact that there is always enough time to do the things God wants me to do.  I want to spend the 24 hours He has given me making a priority of the things God considers most important.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33 


"Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise, which having no chief, officer or ruler, prepares her food in the summer and gathers her provision in the harvest." Prov. 6:6-8

And now...for something completely different:   

click here for "Time in a Bottle" video courtesy of the Muppets

I'm smiling just thinking about it...

Watercolor Journals - Reflections

I found it interesting that the process for creating a scene with water in the foreground had a few parallels to life.  I really get time to daydream and think when painting, because I choose a time when the house is quiet.  When I finished all but the water, I decided to "ripple" the water a bit, because I didn't want the exact "mirror image" reflected in the photograph I was using.  "Too perfect" sometimes is not even believable.  You know, like some vivid sunsets; the kind you photograph and say "It doesn't even look real!"  So, while painting these reflections, I was thinking that when something disturbs the surface of my life, I can still reflect the peace and joy that's really there, deep within.  (Of course my analogy breaks down, because in reality, it's often the storms of life that reveal the depth of character in a person, not the perfect sunny days.)  But anyway, the point is, when you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see?  What does your life reflect?

I confess that I often let the cares and troubles of this world crowd out the beautiful image of my Savior who resides within me.  It's not the "trials" of life that "break up" the reflection, it's my sin.  This side of Heaven, my "reflecting ability" is limited.  Thankfully, Christians are being conformed into the image of Christ, so there's hope for us.  As we remember the birth of the sinless Son of God on earth today and tomorrow, may I wish you all a Merry Christmas!  "He (Jesus) is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn (premiere one) of all creation." Colossians 1:15.

My Road to Troas

This week has been characterized by God saying "No" to my plans. I did NOT get to order 2 Christmas gifts at a great discount.  I did NOT get to finish a painting when I had hoped to.  I did NOT get to keep my Chiropractor appointment.  That's been a little disappointing, but I am glad I had read Greg Harris's book The Cup and the Glory a couple of years ago.  There's a great chapter in it called "The Road."  From Acts 16, Dr. Harris explains how Paul set out to do several things, (GOOD things), and the Lord stopped/blocked/hindered him from doing so. Instead of Asia and Bythinia to minister, he ended up going on a 500 mile mountainous trek and found himself in Troas.  Early this week I reread Acts 16 in the Bible, and "The Road" chapter in the book.  Concerning his plans, Paul was "forbidden by the Holy Spirit"..."the Spirit of Jesus did not permit them..."  God's plan was for Paul to get to Troas.  That led to Macedonia, and ultimately, the writing of Philippeans!  Here's a few quotes I love from Greg Harris:              

"While a 'no' from God will not tell you where, it will tell you where not."G.H.

"Instead of 'no' highlighting deficiencies and limitations on our part, we can view it as the active work of our heavenly Father who masterminds the paths and timetable we are to travel, as well as the means necessary to bring us there."G.H.

"Two related items the road to Troas will reveal to you: the degree you really trust God, and the degree that you are pliable in His hand."G.H.

"While on the road to Troas, Paul had not the slightest indication of God's positive direction-and neither will we.  The Bible describes this as walking by faith, not by sight.  It is not at all easy, but you will not take many steps on the road without it." G.H.

I don't know what THIS week is going to look like, but I am determined to keep going, making plans, and walking WITH God.  He is here with me, and will lead me with the "NO's" just like the "YES's."

Happy walking along your unique "roads"! 

                                                                                                

A Must Read for Caregivers

Ken and Joni Eareckson Tada

I know it's a very busy time of year, but if you are a Caregiver, or know someone who is, please don't miss this article from Ken Tada.  He has been married to Joni, a beautiful and talented, woman who has been a quadriplegic for 30 years, and his take on commitment, and serving a dependent spouse is fantastic.  This article is straightforward, humble, personal, encouraging, You will be blessed, and challenged. I'm going to include it in my Alz. Resources section as one of my favorites!

Click this link for the article: Caregiving: A Cause for Christ

Click this link for "Joni & Friends" ministry:  http://www.joniandfriends.org/