What's Next?

(A quick note here before I get started...  Our family wants to say a huge THANK YOU to those of you who came to Gary's celebration service on Saturday.  It was a truly wonderful morning.  Your presence with us was SO SPECIAL and my heart is about to burst with things I want to say about the morning.  That's for another post.   If you had to miss the service, it was recorded, and I'll let you know when it's available.)

Not sure what it will be yet...but right now, am basking in God's love, remembering my amazing husband, and thinking about the future.  In the three weeks since Gary's departure, many of you have asked me this question...

"So what are you going to be doing now?" 

Now that my number one love and ministry is not needing me anymore, my life is going to look a little different. 

One thing that struck me yesterday, is that the faithfulness of God has not diminished just because Gary is not here with me anymore.  God was faithful and good to Gary.  That was evident in his life.  The same faithful and good God is MY God too.  I am excited to see how He will display that in MY life in the years I have left. 

I don't know the details yet, but I do know some things for sure...  I want to spend more time with younger women, encouraging them to live lives pleasing to God.  (Titus 2)  I am looking forward to more time with grandkids so I can help them along the way as I enjoy them. 

"Only give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons." Deut. 4:9

As I move into my new role as a widow, there will be things to learn and discover.  Gary would want me to embrace it, and try to see God's work in my life.  There will be grief, but that is normal.  I will try to seek comfort from the Lord. 

In my home, Alzheimer's Disease is gone but I'm not walking away from those who are suffering from it.  I'm going to have more time now to help with our Alzheimer's Support Ministry at church.  I intend to continue making the little instructional videos to encourage care givers, and provide other resources as well.

Peace

I stood on our favorite beach yesterday, and cried, because the final chapter of Gary's life is finished, and I miss him.  It won't be the last tears, but there is peace in the missing.  It's so hard to explain and if you are a Christian, you know what I mean.  It's a deep-seated joy and comfort that comes from the One who gave His life in exchange for mine.  He said He would never leave or forsake me and he hasn't.  He said nothing would separate me from His love and it hasn't.  Gary is gone, but I am not alone.  I'm anticipating a closer relationship with the Lord, and new opportunities to see His grace and love in my life. 

I know there will be aspects of my future that will be really difficult but not impossible.  As you can see from this photo from Gary's Bible (Romans 8), nothing can separate Christians from the love of Christ.  In verse 38 you can see that includes DEATH.  Gary has died, but lives on.  He is fine.  I am fine.  I'm very much loved by God, because I'm in Christ.'  v.39

There will be joyful and sad discoveries, strange new feelings, and things to learn in these next weeks.  I'm wanting to bring you along this next part of my journey too.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for listening.  I love to share with you and hope to continue doing so. 

Happy-Sad

It is hard to describe the opposing feelings within me.  Sadness and loss, are intensified, even though I've been saying "goodbye" to Gary for a long time.  The hopes of him smiling at me, or saying a word, or noticing if I walk through the room, are over.  But now there is something new.  Feelings of joy and satisfaction, for Gary's new condition.  He is finally "home" and I am so relieved and thrilled for him.  There is a new happy freedom for me too, as I can come and go, without giving thought to arranging for caregivers or concerns for Gary's well being.

He is fine now, "extremely fine,"  but I miss him.  When his body was taken away, it was really hard for me.  It was the form that his soul was housed in for nearly 65 years, and I loved the whole man.  Inside and out.  The finality of death added a new level of sadness to my life.  It was just the shell he lived in, but I've been one flesh with him for 40 years, and that is over.  "Widow" is a new title for me, but I'm Gary's widow, and he has shaped me.  We shaped each other.  God used us in each others' lives to cause growth.  I'm forever grateful to him. 

In this odd little time between Gary's death and his Memorial Service, coming up on Saturday, I've been crying and laughing.  I find myself habitually looking in our room to see how he is, feeling strange at the grocery store, when I don't need to pick up Gary's foods, and wishing he was here to talk to even though he couldn't respond.  But preparing for Saturday, is new and different, and I'm loving going through the old photos and memories as I write his eulogy.  It's such a neat way to receive comfort.  After next week, I'm sure I will start to explore the "new normal," but for now, I'm doing ok, and enjoying the busy preparations. 

Thank you all who are so lovingly caring for our family during this time.  My heart is empty and full and I'm ok with that.

Memorial Service

You are most welcome to join our family as we celebrate and remember Gary's life on Saturday, May 30, at Grace Community Church, (13248 Roscoe Blvd., Sun Valley, CA 91352) at 9:30 am in the Worship Center.  Reception following.

 

"Till Death Us Do Part"

Forty years ago I said “…till death do us part.”  Two days ago we were parted and I said “good-bye” to my Gary. For the last nine years I have been grieving the loss of my husband, and dreading the moment in time when we would be separated from each other and now it is here. I can’t wait to see him again, in Glory, where Gary and I will be face to face with the One who made it possible for us to keep our vows and love each other “no matter what.” My heart is empty and full at the same time.

Thank you for your love and prayers.

Memorial Service

You are most welcome to join our family as we celebrate and remember Gary's life on Saturday, May 30, at Grace Community Church, (13248 Roscoe Blvd., Sun Valley, CA 91352) at 9:30 am in the Worship Center.  Reception following.

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his godly ones." Psalm 116:15

Journey's End

If you have been following my blog for any time at all then you know about my dear Gary's Alzheimer's Disease.  Though his nine year decline has been very gradual, to the point of him being bed-bound over the last year, things have changed dramatically over the last week and now he is nearing the end of his earthly life.  Thankfully, he is comfortable and peaceful.  Our family is rejoicing for him as he gets to go to his eternal home with Christ, but our hearts are heavy as we must say good-bye soon. We are sharing some sweet memories with each other and telling him how much we love him.  He is very close to the end of a long journey. 

A sweet comfort to my heart is this promise in the Bible to those who love and follow Jesus.   May it encourage you too.

"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Thank you,
Laurie

What's in a Name?

I'm a grandma...a happy, proud, privileged grandma.  When our daughters were expecting each bundle of joy, and once a name had been chosen, I began designing a painting for each baby.  These very special, custom paintings are some of my favorite projects ever.  I would love to paint one for you too!  Most people are surprised at some of the details, so I'm going to introduce you to one of these paintings, up close and personal.

THE THEME:  This is the starting point. Because it's going to be displayed on the nursery wall, it should enhance the room decor such as Carnival, Western, Garden, Pirate, Woodland, etc.  THE NAME: The letters in the name are represented by objects which begin with each letter.  THE LITTLE ONE: A little boy or girl will be somewhere in the painting too.  THE MEANING OF THE NAME: I work the meaning of the name into the scene.  This is often the trickiest part because it must support the painting's theme.  THE BIRTH DATE: If the painting is given as a gift AFTER the baby is born, the birth date can also be included in the picture.

The Watercolorful Name paintings are the most complicated and thoughtful paintings I do as I am coordinating all these elements into a treasured family keepsake.  To learn more about ordering click HERE!

If you want to explore these paintings more, I'm having a TREASURE HUNT CONTEST on my Facebook page right now!  It ends Saturday at 6:00 pm.  The prize is 25% off of any item in my shop.  So, head on over to Facebook and look for Colors By Laurie to enter. 

Gary's Prayers - "The Basics"

(Back in 2010, even though Gary's language skills were waning, he would still pray at meals.  I wrote down some of these prayers in my journal.)

November 7, 2010

"Thank you for giving us friends.  For giving us opportunity. Also for food.  Amen" G.P.

Friends, opportunity and food.  These three are a good reminder to me too. 

1. I'm thankful for a good friend who is helping me navigate some new accounting software.  I love to paint and be creative, but numbers are not my thing, so she is a huge blessing to me. 
2. I'm so glad for the opportunity to go to a very special wedding this weekend.  Caregivers are lined up and our daughter is in town for the event.  Looking forward to seeing many old friends.
3. I am thankful for the nutritious food that Gary is still able to eat.  It's pureed but tasty.

What are some reasons you are thanking God for your friends, opportunities, and food?  Care to share in the comments (at bottom of page) to encourage others?

"In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

One, Two, Three, etc.

Today is a big day!  I finished a third "How-To" video.  I've waited to announce this series on my blog, because  it takes "three" to make a series.  This is just the beginning!  I have so many more I want to make.  After 9 years of living with Alzheimer's, Gary and I have experienced many things.  Some things have become so valuable to us, that I just HAVE TO SHARE.  If a picture is worth a thousand words, a short video is worth even more. 

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My mind is flooded with ideas, so get ready to see regular additions to the Creative Ideas on my Alzheimer's page.  I'll put all three videos right here on this post.  Just click on the image to watch. 

<-----"Who Am I?" (2.5 min. Video)

(NOTE: If you are an email subscriber and are reading this post in an email you'll have to click on "View in Browser" in order to play the videos.)

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Many of the ideas have come from others and the books on my Book Review section, but hopefully these short videos will be a quick help to others.

                     "What Can I Do?" (3 min. Video) ---->

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<------"What Can I Work On?"  (3 min. Video)

The BIG IDEA here is to focus on what the loved one CAN STILL DO and help them do it.  Wishing, prodding, and hoping that they will be like they used be is only frustrating for them and sad for you. 

Please share these videos with anyone who would benefit.  You can share this post anywhere, or share the videos from YouTube. I'd love to get feedback from you too.

Flowers in the Wilderness

One of the HUGE blessings of our Alzheimer's journey has been the refreshing, and fulfilling opportunity to be creative again.  It would be hard to explain how much it means to me to be able to paint my watercolors and share them with you.  Each painting is a little "vacation from my problems," to quote Bob Wiley.  It gives me time to reflect, and learn from life.  Once finished I get the privilege of bringing joy to you, my friends, through my art.  If Gary weren't sick, I would probably not have found my love of painting again. 

This little two minute video explains the "Why" behind Colors By Laurie.  Our friend, Jason made it for me.  He is the young man that lived with us for 6 months to help Gary.  (For more on that story see HERE.)  It is awkward and humbling to promote myself, but thankfully, this was Jason's idea and I couldn't be happier with the result. I've been surprised and blown away by the Facebook response already.   You may have seen it at my Colors By Laurie Facebook page, but if not, just click on the image below.  Then if you feel so inclined, please share, pin, post, email or whatever to your friends.  (to share the video, just click the little paper airplane in the upper right hand corner of the video.) 

Thank you for your love, care and prayers. 

Grasping at Straws

The months are marching on.  Gary is sleeping through them.  He wakes a few times a day, and I tend to his physical needs.  His senses and strength are minimized to almost nothing.  I wonder that he is still living.  But he is living, and the other day, I cried just at the thought of him not being here.  I must confess mixed emotions and am not sure how to pace my life and thoughts, hoping that God will take him home to heaven where he can have a perfect mind, but joyful that he is still my earthly companion.    I’m so grateful that I’m not the one to decide Gary’s ultimate, and final departure from our marriage and this life.  I leave that to his Creator.

Connecting

Meanwhile, I still love him, and am finding joy in the littlest things.  Years ago I was the typical wife, full of expectations.  If Gary didn’t give me the attention I wanted, I was tempted to complain.  Things are different now.  Because those more obvious acts of love are missing, I am learning to appreciate more subtle “connections.” 

2006 - Gary shares his ice cream with grandson, Micah. 

When Gary's eyes open, sometimes for as long as 30 seconds, I spring into action, to get in front of his gaze hoping for a look of recognition, or I place one of his orchids on his tray table in front of him.  The funny thing is, by the time I have the plant in place, he’s asleep again, but I like to try anyway.   

Occasionally I give him his favorite…Coffee ice cream.  Only a few bites, but I think he still likes it based on how he eagerly takes it off the spoon.  It makes me smile because it reminds me of his nightly ritual bowl of ice cream for many, many years. 

Commentary on Romans by H. Ironside

When he makes a monotone, humming sound I try to discern if he needs something, or is trying to sing, or speak.  I ask him to tell me more, and find myself praying that I will understand if I need to. 

I come across an underline in a book he’s read.  I read it to see what was important to him.  What did he want to remember?  It helps me continue to follow his lead, even now.

In past years, we talked and laughed and loved.  Currently our interactions are few and far between as I grasp at the straws of what’s left of Gary’s abilities.  I don’t have too many regrets over the years,  but it's good to remember that we can always be more appreciative and encouraging in our relationships.  I share these little incidents with you in the hopes that you will make the most of every opportunity to love your spouse, (or anyone in your life).  We are not promised next year or even tomorrow.  Don’t waste the time you’ve been given with your loved one.  

Redeem the Time

"Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart, for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is , through the living and enduring word of God.  For, ALL FLESH IS LIKE GRASS, AND ALL ITS GLORY LIKE THE FLOWER OF THE GRASS.  THE GRASS WITHERS, AND THE FLOWER FALLS OFF, BUT THE WORD OF THE LORD ENDURES FOREVER."  (1 Peter 1:22-25)

What Is Going On In There?

I wish I could see into Gary's brain sometimes to see what is going on in there.  How many of the normal brain cells are left?  What does he think?  DOES he think?  What does he perceive?  Is it just images and sounds that mean nothing?  I'm sure there is something going on, because he tries to wipe his mouth or itch his nose, but his arm is too weak to reach all the way.  He looks right at me, occasionally, but I can't tell if he knows me.  He still eats so I know his brain is still causing him to respond to food in his mouth.  So anyway, I really like this 3 minute animated video describing what happens to a person's brain when they have Alzheimer's Disease.  I have watched Gary progress through nearly all of these stages.  I'm not real good with clinical explanations, and that's why I like this.  Many of you know someone with Alzheimer's so I hope it is helpful for you too. 

This devastating illness separates loved ones with an invisible wall,  yet I am confident that Gary is not alone.  There is One that knows exactly what is happening deep in Gary's brain, and He will love him to the end.  Gary's Savior, Jesus Christ is not on vacation or asleep and even though Gary's mind is being taken over by the disease, he is being loved and cared for, by his Lord, just like King David.

"O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You."  Psalm 139

Gift Idea for Young Collectors

Here's a fun gift idea for kids.   Our granddaughter has loved horses for a really long time.  She collects pictures of them.  SOOOOO... Choose a colorful 2" binder (Bright pink's her favorite color.)  Get the kind with the clear sleeves on the cover.  This was at Target for @$4.50. 

I think the "D" ring type is the best so the pages lay flat and don't get messed up.

Find some dividers.  I already had these "like new" extras on hand (because I never throw anything away)    but I saw some on Amazon for about $1.00.

OPTIONAL:  Clear sheet protectors are about 10 cents each on Amazon.com if you want to use them.  (I LOVE them and use them for everything, so I buy them in bulk at Costco.  Weird, I know.)

Gather some photos or magazine clippings of whatever will be collected in the album... Kitties, airplanes, trains, whatever they love.  (I went through a box of old photos my parents had taken in Montana.)  Take a sheet protector and cut it in to two pieces.  Get rid of the part with the holes.  Use double-stick tape to place the pictures on one of the sheets and then slide it into the cover. 

You can do the back side too.  (If you don't care about the color of the cover not showing, then tape them to any blank piece of paper and slide it in.)

Make a title page.  Find a picture to use, get some colored paper for a "frame."  Print a sheet of paper with a cool font.  Tape the photo to the colored paper, and the paper to the white page.               

Insert and you're done!

I love my sweet Lauren Girl and I love that sometimes there's time to make a gift. 

Book Review of "Second Forgetting"

May 2010

When we realized that my husband, Gary, was having short-term memory problems, and began the process of diagnosing his condition, we hoped it was something curable, like a thyroid imbalance, or B-12 deficiency.  As the many tests eliminated the more “hopeful” possibilities, there was a recurring and frightful thought.  “I hope it’s not Alzheimer’s.”  I think more people are afraid of getting dementia, than cancer. 

Why is that?

Our memories define us.   Think how many songs refer to our memories.  We take selfies in front of the Grand Canyon.  Love letters are tucked away in a box.  The idea of forgetting what we have done and who we are is terrifying.  For a Christian, the possibility of forgetting God, and our relationship with Him is unthinkable.

Dr. Benjamin Mast has presented a comforting answer to these fears in his book, Second Forgetting.  As a licensed clinical psychologist and committed Christian, he gives hope for those who are forgetting and those who care for them.  After 8 ½ years of caring for Gary, who is now in advanced stage Early Onset Alzheimer’s Disease, I found this book EXTREMELY helpful. 

"Second Forgetting" by Dr. Benjamin Mast

Dr. Mast explains The Second Forgetting as follows:   “We are all imperfect and broken.  We forget the Lord, even in the best of health.  This is what I call the “the second forgetting.” p 18.  Everyone forgets God.  Even believers do.  That is why we need reminders.  Dr. Mast sites the Israelites who forgot God repeatedly yet God never forgot them and kept His promises to them.  This is comforting.

Two chapters are devoted to understanding Alzheimer’s disease and how the brain remembers.  Knowing the various ways to access memories stored away in a person’s brain is really useful in helping those we care for.  The distant past, actions, emotional events are memory systems that are accessible longer than the short-term memories which is one of the first “memory systems” to fail. 

The most helpful part for me personally was the section on the Gospel, who a person is in Christ, and how God interacts with believers, whether their minds are healthy or not.  As Gary is mostly non-communicative now, I have been wondering how his inner man can be renewed, though his body is decaying day by day. (2 Corinthians 4:16-17)  I believe it is true, but wondering HOW.  By working his way through Psalm 139 and Romans 8, Dr. Mast draws out how God intimately cares for His own.  He fully KNOWS us.  He extends GRACE to us.  Nothing can separate us from God.  Not even dementia. 

There are some great practical ideas in this book for all of us.

Help for the “forgetful”

The body of Christ has an important role in serving dementia affected families. Practical tips are given for how to serve.  For instance, “Visit, but be flexible.  Caregiving for someone with advancing dementia can be quite unpredictable.  Something could come up that is out of their control and they may need to cancel.” p 119

Help for caregivers

Biblical encouragement to “press on,” follow Christ’s example of service, and rely heavily on His grace in the exhausting days.  In reality we are serving the Lord Jesus, as we serve our loved one.  “As a caregiver, you can take comfort in the knowledge that you too have a caregiver, one who can surpassingly meet all of your needs.  Christ is our caregiver.” P 90

Helping the loved one…

Remember their faith

“… multisensory stimuli can be used to help them remember.  Smells, sounds, sights can prompt recollection of different parts of a person’s story.  Pictures and music can be particularly helpful…”  p 125

December 2008

Remember the Lord

All through scripture God sets up “memorials” so His followers would remember the important things.  Who He is, His promises, His kind and gracious deeds to His own.  We can do the same thing with those we care for.  Old photo albums, talking about the Lord, regularly reading the Bible, listening to hymns, and prayer* are good ways to keep God in the forefront of our minds, and help our loved ones do the same.  New long term memories will not be formed, but moment to moment comfort and sanctification can take place. 

Even now, we can be building into our lives habits that would support our relationship with the Lord if we should forget one day.  Dr. Mast has excellent suggestions on this. He closes with the following thought: 

“It is far more significant that God remembers us than that we remember him.  This speaks to the reality that our salvation, from beginning to end, is by grace.  In Grace God reaches out to rescue us – not the other way around.  Our salvation, ultimately is not up to us.  We cannot save ourselves, and there is comfort in this as a person experiences physical and mental decay.” p 163 

Now that Gary is in advanced stage Alzheimer's, I don't know what he is remembering much less what he thinks, but I do know He is safe in God's hands.  We are past the usefulness of most of the practical suggestions from this book, but they are really good and we have done many of them.  If you are caring for someone like Gary, please get this book.  Find out how you can help your loved one remember the Lord, and be comforted that God remembers them.  

*Note: As with any good resource I’d encourage discernment as you read.  There’s a second-hand example given about a Catholic woman finding peace through praying the rosary.  No doubt a true story, but I wish the author hadn’t used it in a book about how to help Christians remember the Lord. 

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As always, your comments are always welcome.  Just click on "comments" below.

To all my Valentines!

February is HERE, and I'm giving you your very special Valentine Gift NOW!  I love all of you so much and am greatly thankful for the care, support and love you always show me.  So, here it is...It's a desktop wallpaper for your computers, just for you! 

"But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

It's easy to set up and FREE!  The 2-step instructions are right below the pink flowers!

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INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Click on image to open.

2. Right click and select "Set As Desktop Background."

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Click HERE to visit my shop! 

Watercolor Journal - A Pebble in the Hand

Small actions end up meaning so much later on.  At the time, I didn’t know how much a few little rocks would mean to me.  Yes, they are pretty, and smooth, and remind me of a special place, but now they speak to me in a much deeper way.  Gary and I collected them at Moonstone Beach during our many visits here.  I’m here again.  This time alone since Gary can no longer leave the house.  It’s hard to leave him, even though I know he is well cared for, but I know he’d say… “GO!  Have Fun!”  So here I am. 

View fullsize

If interested click HERE for note card and print.

Last week, in anticipation of being here, I had the pleasurable experience of painting this exact handful of pebbles. 

I stood still for about 20 minutes waiting for this Egret to get this close, and right after this he caught the mouse and took it farther away to dine in private. 

I’m here to relax, remember, and make some new memories of my own.  Today, in fact, I explored a new area nearby, and saw something new!  An Egret hunting in a grassy field, and catching a MOUSE if you can believe it!.  I’m so happy I got to see 5 of them when on a walk in the Fiscalini Ranch Preserve.  They were too far away for a good photo, but easy to see in person. 

Gary was so good at noticing the unique things.  One time he’d say, “Let’s collect all GREEN pebbles this time.”  Another it was “Collect pebbles that look like jelly beans.”  Anyway, we did, and over the years have accumulated a few jars of smooth, little rocks.  One time I found all the colors of the rainbow and laid them out on Gary’s handkerchief.  He was also good at finding the perfect flat pebble for skipping too.  I marveled at how many skips he could get out of a throw. 

Why so special?  It was time spent together, marveling at Creation.  God didn’t have to make rocks in various hues, but He did.  He didn’t have to make light with a spectrum of color, but He did.  I’m happy to be here, for the both of us, being able to look at things with fresh eyes, and refreshed for serving again. 

Getting time away for respite looks different for everyone, but Jesus set the example for us long ago.  Let’s all try to find a way to follow in His footsteps. 

“But Jesus Himself would slip away to the wilderness and pray.” Luke 5:16. 

Nine

Last January I posted a summary of the last 8 years of Gary’s dementia. (Click HERE to read it.)   I wondered if there would be a 9th.  Well, here we are on the brink of 2015 so as of today, the Lord has seen fit to give us more time with Gary.   I thought an update might be in order. 

Frequent visitors in 2014...Canada Geese

Some of you know there have been many challenges in our lives this year, with the loss of both my parents (in their 90’s) who lived right across the street.  Between Gary’s and my parents’ failing health, and my own health issues, 2014 rivaled 2002, (the year I had cancer), and (2006-2007) the years we were first faced with Gary’s dementia.  Even though there were many special moments, and encouraging days, in the midst, I’m glad 2014 is over.  It’s easy to say something glib like that, but not at all realistic.  I don’t know what lies in store tomorrow, or today for that matter.  2015 might be even harder.  It is so presumptive to think that we can so easily dismiss difficulties, with the turn of a calendar page or a New Year’s resolution. 

The good news is, that God has given us lots of leeway within the responsibility of stewarding our time, bodies, and resources.  With less loved ones to care for now, I’m seriously trying to do some things to “catch up” on my own health, and do what I can to make Gary’s life comfortable, and interesting. 

The following is not a list of resolutions.  Just things I’m grateful to have the time for and a feeling of stewardship of the gift of time. 

More time with the Lord

I sure do need it.  The keys to wisdom and peace are within the pages of the Bible.  Many days this year, my soul has been sustained by a familiar verse studied long ago.  But on recent days, I’ve been able to dig in to God's word, exploring more deeply, and finding rich treasures there.  Recent curiosity of mine:  If a Christian’s sanctification is guaranteed, how does a Christian with dementia grow spiritually?  Thankfully, the Word of God speaks to this. 

Used my mom's dishes for Thanksgiving 2014.

More memories to savor

It's been fun to go through my parents' things, and sort what to keep, give, and toss.  Discovering little instructional notes from mom, and some of my dad's old model airplanes he'd packed away, were like having them here again.  I miss them so much.  I'm looking forward to preserving my dad's movie films digitally, and using some of my mom's paint brushes.   

I'm pretty sure this was Gary's last outing...a family birthday party.  It became too hard on him to drag him to social gatherings.  March 2014.

More time with Gary

Another milestone of loss...during the summer I decided to stop getting Gary out of bed to walk him to his recliner.  He does better in his comfy bed.  July 2014.

Since my dad passed away, a couple of Dad’s caregivers came to work for us and we’ve all been pretty busy getting Mom and Dad’s affairs settled.  Now that things are wrapping up across the street I’ve been finding a more comfortable balance of time with help and time alone with Gary. 

More focus on Gary’s needs

Physically, Gary has stopped losing weight but this is not good news.  It’s because he has no fat or muscles to loose.  He is literally “skin and bones.”  Diligence is required to protect his skin from breaking down, and a careful touch as he has no padding.  His heart and lungs are good but many things could trigger an irreversible downturn; a pressure sore, a couple of days of not eating, pneumonia, etc.  Mentally, it’s getting harder and harder to find ways to stimulate him.  He can’t hold his eyes open for more than a few seconds a couple of times a day unless he’s lying flat on his back or on his side.  I found a kid’s animated acquarium-nightlight, that I can put on his tray, or prop next to him.   Truly though, most of the mental stimulation he gets now is hearing, and touch since he really doesn’t focus on things more than a few feet from him.  I try to play hymns for him daily, and read short passages of the Bible out loud.  He loves his Christmas Bells.  I wish he could listen beyond Christmas, but I need a way to hang them, other than the Christmas tree.  Hmmmm…

A visit from family and their doggies...good medicine!

More focus on others.

I'm not sure exactly when or how, but I miss having a regular ministry at church, and have had to put off friends I care about.  Hope to have a bit more time to invest in others.

More attention on my health

For the month of January, I’m trying the “Whole30 plan” hoping to eliminate inflammatory foods and then reintroduce categories to see if I’m healthier without milk, grains, sugar or legumes.  Click HERE for more info on "Whole30".  I’ve been checking off some deferred Dr. visits, and trying to find ways to exercise without hurting my heel spur.  I’m looking forward to a couple of days away by myself pretty soon (like I did last May) for a little time of mental refreshment.  I’ll bring my watercolors with me this time too.

Will there be a "TEN" year post about Gary?  I don't know.  For now I'm happy just knowing that today he is comfortably snoozing away near me.  We made it to our 40th Anniversary last week.  I get really sad sometimes seeing how weak he is, and wonder how much longer he will be with us.  Only God knows the answer to that, so I will keep entrusting my sweet husband to Him.  Each and every day I have with him is a privilege.  Meanwhile, thank you for your love, and prayers and going along on our journey with us. 

Our 40th Anniversary - December 28, 2014

"Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. 

For our heart rejoices in Him,  Because we trust in His holy name. 

Let Your loving kindness, O LORD, be upon us, According as we have hoped in You."

Psalm 33:20-22

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Christmas Cards Are Here!

My parents made their own Christmas Cards the majority of their 61 Christmases together.  I guess that’s one reason I’ve had so much fun painting these 4 wintery scenes, with the intent of making cards to share with all of you. 

Everyone loves Christmas, and for me it is a big celebration of my Savior’s birth!  I’m carrying on the tradition of sharing that encouraging news or a heartfelt greeting in a Christmas Card.

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I have always wanted to paint cardinals.  Wish I could see one up close some day, but will have to travel to where they are!  Their red feathers seem to announce Christmas to everyone!

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The snow covered tree is the one that grew at my parents’ home in Montana.  For the painting, I trimmed it with living ornaments.

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Lamp posts with candles seem so welcoming, and to me represent the warmth of gathering with friends and family.  While creating this painting, I recalled the two lanterns at the gate of our former home.  Gary converted some old light fixtures to gas and hopefully the flames flickered a warm “Welcome.”

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My grandchildren suggested the snowman to complete the set.  He makes me smile, as he silently shouts “Joy to the World.” 

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Many of you have inquired about Christmas Cards this year, so it’s with great pleasure that I’m able to share these cards with you. 

Three ways to shop...right here on colorsbylaurie.com or my Etsy store, or my Facebook page.

Each card is available as a blank note card with no text on the front as well.  All card insides may be personalized if desired.

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One of my parents' cards just for fun...

Designed and Silk Screened in 1957 by Bill and Louise Ransom

Practical Joking 101 - Cowboys and Perfume

What do perfume and cowboys have in common?  Let me tell you.  Quite a bit, in Gary’s world. 

Click HERE for info on MSU rodeos. 

It all started with a Rodeo.  We were on our way to the College National Finals Rodeo in Bozeman, Montana with my parents in the early 80’s.  On the way to the arena, Gary and I were having a “tiff” over something silly.  Anyway, when we arrived in an effort to have the last word, I grabbed my little perfume spray from my purse and sprayed him!    He looked at me and said “LAURIE!  NOW I HAVE TO GO TO A RODEO SMELLING LIKE A GIRL!!!!”  We both started laughing and the argument was over but Gary felt conspicuous all night. 

Well, Gary was never one to be outdone with the practical jokes, so ever since then, he was on the look-out for how to get back at me.  This expanded into months, and years.  The area most advantageous to him for this endeavor were the fragrance counters at department stores.  EVERY time we went to the mall, I needed to be on guard that I not get to close to Gary and the men’s cologne testers.   Even our girls learned that they could end up wearing men's cologne if they weren’t careful.  They enjoyed trying to get him close enough to the PERFUME testers too get back at him too. 

YIKES!

Ok, now, let me tell you what he did to me just a couple of weeks ago.  At least I'm pretty sure it was him!  I was on a little get-away with Sarah, for a couple days in Santa Barbara.  One evening, I pulled out my toiletries bag, and sprayed some perfume on myself. However, it smelled like men’s cologne, and we debated if it was perfume or cologne.  After Googling it, we found that "Allure" by Channel is indeed....MEN'S COLOGNE!!!!  I have a feeling that years ago, Gary put that in MY toiletries bag, (not HIS), trying to trick me!  Well, IT WORKED!  And best of all, gave Sarah and I a good laugh as we remembered the fun times with Gary.  How we love him.

He would be glad to know his pranks continue, even though bed-bound.  AMAZING!

Precious Treasures

“For we have brought nothing into the world,

so we cannot take anything out of it either.” 

1 Tim. 6:7

We enter the world naked.  We bring nothing with us when we breathe our first breath.  Soon we are soothed, and wrapped in a blanket and maybe a little cap is put on our head. 

My dad, Bill Ransom and his brother Richard.

We are showered with little baby gifts.  A rattle, a pacifier, a special blankie, a teddy bear. 

During our growing up years we accumulate toys, bikes, a special treasures we keep in a box...a feather, a special rock, or shell…memories.

Dad, at age 17, with the trophy and the model airplane he built to win it.  It took him a year to build it from scratch. 

Soon our possessions get bigger, more expensive, more “weighty”…a car, a diploma, a house.  Items resulting from hobbies.  Collections.  Albums of memories.  Trophies. 

And so we use and enjoy our “things” for many years.  But, aging or disease or both come with physical and/or mental limitations.  Most of us have to think about downsizing eventually.

The “special” things get condensed and the “non-meaningful” things get tossed so we can live in a more manageable way. 

If we live a really long time, we’ll likely have to downsize again, maybe to just one room.  Special treasures, will be given to those who will appreciate them and everything else, will be given away or thrown out.  All that’s left is a bed, a bookcase, a dresser and whatever memories can hang on the walls.

Immediate surroundings may blur as our vision wanes, and the voices of those we love may be our last possession.

When death finally closed the eyes of my dad 10 days ago, even his wedding ring, never removed in 64 years, was no longer his, but became my precious possession. 

Some of us will outlive those we love.  My dad outlived my mom.  I am outliving him.

We enter with nothing.  We leave with nothing.

Mom and Dad arrive at their new, smaller home.  June 2011

When my ailing dad came to live with us 2 weeks ago, he was in the final downsizing phase of his life.  He and my mom had come to live in the condo, across the street from us 3 years ago.  Before that they moved from their large country home into a smaller house in town.  Each move generated bags of items for donation, trash, garage sale, or distributing to family and friends.  Each move left them with less. 

After 96 years, my dad’s soul left earth and went to Heaven.  I had the privilege of going through the experience of both my mom and dad departing Earth within the last 3 months.  One of the more poignant lessons has come from working my way down memory lane, going through the precious possessions that my parents left behind.  Since my parents were both very detailed and interested in family history, there are many treasures packed away, and most are labeled as to their origin.  Every time I open a new little box, and find a little note from them, it’s like they are still here.  I'm enjoying this process.

Some of the memories surfaced by these household items are not so pleasant.  For instance, my mom’s ankle brace, dad’s medications, walkers, wheelchairs, shower chair, hospital bed, etc., etc.; evidences of the effects of the Genesis Fall on 91 and 96 year old bodies.  I was so happy to dispose of these things and glad that neither one of them will ever again experience the maladies that plagued them in their later years.

God wants us to know that we come with nothing and will leave with nothing.  Well nothing “temporal” that is.  My dad left me with a precious treasure over the last 2 months of his life.  Our relationship grew in ways I hadn’t expected.  With my mom in Heaven, he and I shared some very precious moments, and short but meaningful things were said.  The Lord truly gave me some wonderful times with him, and precious memories, which glorify God, because of the way my dad trusted Jesus, and prayed together, in spite of some very trying times.  When struggling with his physical suffering, he would often end up saying “It’s in the Lord’s hands.” 

The ONLY things we take with us into the next life, are not "of this world" but they are very real.  Here's a few...

• Our relationship with Christ, the salvation He provides, and all the spiritual blessings in the Heavenly places. (Ephesians 1)
• Our relationship with other believers who we will enjoy eternity with as we worship God and enjoy him forever.  (1 Corinthians 2:9)
• The blessings given to each Christian when they get saved, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  (Galatians 5:22-23)

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I shall return there. 

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. 

Blessed be the name of the Lord.” 

Job 1:21

 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy,

and where thieves break in and steal. 

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven

where neither moth nor rust destroys,

and where thieves do not break in or steal;

for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” 

Matt. 6:19-20

Delayed, Disappointed, Confused?

It's a favorite of mine...Psalm 25.  In my Bible, it’s got underlines, and notes in the margin.  I'm drawn back to it when I have decisions to make or am feeling overwhelmed.  The first time in my life that Psalm 25 had a huge impact on me was 12 years ago, when I was fighting Stage III cancer.  David’s prayer-song has been a comfort to me ever since. 

Many of you know my mom went to Heaven in July.  We are adjusting to the “new normal” with her gone.  My dad is lonely, in frail health, and though we enjoy being together, our short visits are limited since I can’t leave Gary alone.  Being responsible for my dad's care, is a weighty thing. 

Over the last months my health has been threatened with headaches, weight gain and overall tiredness.  My father broke his hip (now healed).  My mother died.  Gary has lost more weight, is now unable to walk and is confined to bed.  He no longer seems to recognize me or others. 

A recipe for depression?  Yes, BUT then God ministers to my heart .  God will NOT let His own be "put to shame."  In Hebrew, that means disappointed, delayed or confused. 

Now…let me walk through this precious Psalm and share my heart as I go…Ok?

1 To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

You’ve got my soul Lord.  All of my inmost parts.  Again I give myself to You.  You have my attention.  Nothing is beyond your concern, care and plans.  You are large and in charge. 

2 O my God, in You I trust, You are worthy of my trust! 

Do not let me be put to shame;

Don’t let me be delayed…Help me to pace my emotions & energy knowing that Your timing is perfect.

Don’t let me be disappointed…Let me see glimpses of the wonderful things going on in the midst of things not turning out the way I expected.

Don’t let me be confused…Give me clarity in the face of much information and many opinions.

Do not let my enemies (the enemies of my soul…Satan and his demons) exult over me. Don’t let them have the last laugh by discouraging me.

3 Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be put to shame;
Those who deal treacherously without cause will be put to shame.

What a sweet promise…that if I “wait” for You to act, I won’t be “delayed, disappointed or confused.”

4 Make me know Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.

I want to do what you would do, Lord.  Let your love and wisdom flow through me.

5 Lead me in Your truth and teach me, 
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day.

Keep me always learning from your Word because You are the One who saved me.  I'm eagerly looking to You for direction and help for the two frail men I love.

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6 Remember, O Lord, Your compassion and Your lovingkindnesses,
For they have been from of old. 

Show Your compassion to Gary and my dad.  Be merciful to us. 

7 Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
According to Your lovingkindness remember me,
For Your goodness’ sake, O Lord.

Lord, You are using the pressures and stresses of these days to reveal sin, lying beneath the surface in my heart.  You are good to do so.  Please forgive my impatience, and pride.

8 Good and upright is the Lord;
Therefore He instructs sinners in the way.

You are SO GOOD, to point me in the right direction.

9 He leads the humble in justice,
And He teaches the humble His way.

I’m incapable, inadequate, often wrong, and proud.  Keep me humble in order that I can follow Your lead.  

10 All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth
To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.

ALL the paths…I’m so encouraged and comforted by this promise that everything You do, is merciful and true.  There is no unkindness or deception with You God.  Your ways are good, even these current difficult days. 

11 For Your name’s sake, O Lord,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.

Because of who You are, You forgive.

12 Who is the man who fears the Lord?  He will instruct him in the way he should choose.  His soul will abide in prosperity, And his descendants will inherit the land.

So many promises, to the one who fears God.  “He who fears God, has nothing else to fear.”  Spurgeon  Wisdom in decision making…Everything my soul needs…Care for my family...

14 The secret of the Lord is for those who fear Him,
And He will make them know His covenant.

And more...Intimate relationship with the Lord and promises KEPT.

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15 My eyes are continually toward the Lord,
For He will pluck my feet out of the net.

I want to keep looking to God for everything because he’s going to rescue me from temptation.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
For I am lonely and afflicted.

God, give Your grace to our family as we experience loss and suffering.  It is hard to see my dad and my husband like this. 

17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses.

My problems seem big to me but to you they are not.  Save me from MY actual distresses, and from "feeling" distressed. 

18 Look upon my affliction and my trouble,
And forgive all my sins.

Give your attention to the problems I’m facing.  Forgive those sins of worry, doubt, and trying to do things in MY strength.

19 Look upon my enemies, for they are many,
And they hate me with violent hatred.

Deal with the unseen but very real enemies of my soul, for I know they want to discourage me and wear me down.

20 Guard my soul and deliver me;
Do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in You.

Keep my soul safe as you bring me all the way to Heaven one day and don’t let me be disappointed, delayed or confused, because I’m going to hide in your protective love.

21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,
For I wait for You.

Build integrity and righteousness into my life and let them keep me strong and protected because I’m choosing to wait on You. 

22 Redeem Israel, O God,
Out of all his troubles.

You are the ONLY answer to the troubles of this life.  We look to You eagerly anticipating our marching orders and asking for Your help every day.  Help my resolve when I am weak.

Greetings and Salutations

Many of you have asked for the opportunity to do "mix and match" card shopping so it's my pleasure to finally announce that my entire collection of greeting cards is now available to you at colorsbylaurie.com  

Inspirational, Special Occasion, Thank You, and Holiday cards are ready to view and purchase at this link...  MIX & MATCH GREETING CARDS.  If you purchase 8 or more the shipping is free. 

Last month, following my mother's passing, I  was recently reminded of the special meaning that is attached to a greeting card received in the mail.  My dad and I were truly comforted as we read the sympathy cards that came in the mail.  Those who took the time to write a note, whether long or short really blessed us. 

Thanksgiving

I've had this collection assembled and ready, but because of the recent events in my family's life, have been unable to publish until now.  I'm so happy to finally be able to share it with you in the hopes you will be benefited as will those you choose to greet with a special card or note.    Here are a few samples...

New Baby

"When you write a note, you are giving yourself to the reader in the most civilized way.  A handwritten note is a unique gesture that offers more of you without demanding more of them."  (The Art of the Handwritten Note, by Margaret Shepherd)

Thank You

Inspirational