Watercolor Journal - Closer and Closer

based on “The Secret Garden,” by F. H. Burnett

"Oh! look at him!" exclaimed Mary.

The robin was evidently in a fascinating, bold mood. He hopped closer and closer and looked at Ben Weatherstaff more and more engagingly. He flew on to the nearest currant bush and tilted his head and sang a little song right at him.

"Tha' thinks tha'll get over me by doin' that," said Ben, wrinkling his face up in such a way that Mary felt sure he was trying not to look pleased. "Tha' thinks no one can stand out against thee-that's what tha' thinks."

The robin spread his wings-Mary could scarcely believe her eyes. He flew right up to the handle of Ben Weatherstaff's spade and alighted on the top of it. Then the old man's face wrinkled itself slowly into a new expression. He stood still as if he were afraid to breathe-as if he would not have stirred for the world, lest his robin should start away. He spoke quite in a whisper.

From Chapter 10, The Secret Garden

A few weeks ago, my little granddaughter was excited to show me her friendly hummingbird.  She learned that if she sat very still, near the feeder, the hungry bird would come quite close.  It’s hard to be patient, but she lifted her hand and “froze” whenever he was near, and he hovered right there.  The little birds are a wonderful brush with wild things, the “magic” of our own secret gardens, and so we love them.

Watercolor Journal - Mary's First Friend

Based on “The Secret Garden,” by F. H. Burnett

“Mistress Mary went a step nearer to the robin and looked at him very hard. "I'm lonely," she said.

She had not known before that this was one of the things which made her feel sour and cross. She seemed to find it out when the robin looked at her and she looked at the robin….. Suddenly a clear rippling little sound broke out near her and she turned round. She was standing a few feet from a young apple-tree and the robin had flown on to one of its branches and had burst out into a scrap of a song. Ben Weatherstaff laughed outright.

"What did he do that for?" asked Mary. "He's made up his mind to make friends with thee," replied Ben. "Dang me if he hasn't took a fancy to thee."

"To me?" said Mary, and she moved toward the little tree softly and looked up. "Would you make friends with me?" she said to the robin just as if she was speaking to a person. "Would you?"   (From Chapter 4, the Secret Garden)

April at the Colorado River. 1981

How lovely to remember our children reading this story.  Now, our oldest granddaughter is reading about the same mysterious garden, and the robin who knew where it was.  Generations of children have played outdoors, laughed at the antics of the wild things, and imagined they were friends.  Grown ups are no different.  Ever try to entice a squirrel to come close with a peanut?  While hiking once with Gary, we came upon a huge bull moose.  The surprise and fear gave way to the realization that he did not mind us being there.  We weren’t exactly “friends” with him, but for a moment, he was allowing us into his wild world.  Thrilling.

Watercolor Journals - Behind the Wall

Since my robin note cards are making the rounds this Spring, I'm posting some of the musings these paintings have inspired in me.  I can't see a robin without thinking of the cheeky lil' beggar in The Secret Garden.  Enjoy!

Behind the Wall - original watercolor

“And delight reigned. They drew the chair under the plum-tree, which was snow-white with blossoms and musical with bees. It was like a king's canopy, a fairy king's. There were flowering cherry-trees near and apple-trees whose buds were pink and white, and here and there one had burst open wide. Between the blossoming branches of the canopy bits of blue sky looked down like wonderful eyes.

Mary and Dickon worked a litle here and there and Colin watched them. They brought him things to look at--buds which were opening, buds which were tight closed, bits of twig whose leaves were just showing green, the feather of a woodpecker which had dropped on the grass, the empty shell of some bird early hatched. Dickon pushed the chair slowly round and round the garden, stopping every other moment to let him look at wonders springing out of the earth or trailing down from trees. It was like being taken in state round the country of a magic king and queen and shown all the mysterious riches it contained.

"I wonder if we shall see the robin?" said Colin.”  (From Chapter 21 of The Secret Garden by F. H. Burnett)

Canada Geese in view.

I wonder the same thing each morning as I open my blinds.  I wonder if I will see the robin, hopping about looking for worms, or the two Mallard ducks who sometimes work their way along the golf course looking for breakfast, or the five Canada Geese who flew in and landed on the ‘green,’ disrupting the putts of some ladies last week.  Right now, I can hear a symphony of animal life.  It is evening, and the crickets and tree frogs are singing in the ravine, interrupted only momentarily if someone is walking a dog nearby.  There is so much to see when we look expectantly outdoors.  I must keep those binoculars handy.

"Just Breathe"

“Take a deep breath, Mom.”  That’s what my son-in-law, Ryan said to me the other day.  It was exactly what I needed to hear at the time.  The afternoon had been chaotic.  On my way back from my chiropractor, where I’ve been getting a series of treatments for a very painful neck, I got a call from my sweet mother, who was being taken to the hospital from her own doctor’s appointment, by ambulance.  Her doctor was rightly concerned about her escalating symptoms, and she needed a higher level of care, and better diagnosis of what was going on with her heart.

When I received the call, I knew several things needed to be done.  My dad, frail himself, would need someone to stay with him for the rest of the day and overnight.  Gary can’t stay alone either.  It’s a blur to me now, but I DO remember spending time with my dad, comforting and praying with him, being on the phone for a couple of hours trying to line up care for my dad, and Gary, and locating mom’s purse which did not make it to the hospital from the doctor’s office.  Just like the recent earthquake, the accompanying adrenaline rush and problem solving began. 

This makes me laugh.  I saw this on a recent outing.  Reminded me of my posture BEFORE the visits to my chiropractor, Dr. Sawyer in La Canada!  He has really helped my neck pain! 

Stressful things happen to everyone.  We try to manage the situation but it is hard to stay calm in the midst…  Ryan was here, helping out with my dad, and Gary that night, when he wisely reminded me to be calm and relax.  In recent weeks, my blood pressure has been acting up and I’ve been dealing with chronic headaches.  I’ve written about this before, but caregivers must be careful to do what they can to stay healthy.  The most common reasons I’ve heard for high blood pressure is stress and age.  Sadly, there’s nothing I can do about my age, and not much I can do about the stresses of life either.  It’s a fact of life that we are going to be assaulted from time to time with “troubles.”

I used to think Doctors were coping out when they blamed symptoms on "stress."  Not anymore.  When discussing my high blood pressure, my doctor brought up the burden of caring for Gary, and I said, "But I've been doing this for 8 years and never had any physical problems."  She answered, "Yes, but you're 8 years older now." 

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Mom and I at the Christmas Concert, 2013

Let me quickly interject that Mom is out of the hospital, and happily back home after a few days of testing and resting.  She is so precious to me.  I am grateful that God is keeping her great big loving heart going. 

 

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I don’t know for sure if my health issues ARE due to stress, but they certainly draw attention to my “full plate.”  Doctors are telling me to manage stress, friends are really concerned and people I barely know are asking me if I’m feeling ok.  (I must look tired or something.)  So, I’ve been looking at how full my plate has been lately.  What's on the plate?  Increasing moments of sadness over Gary slipping away from me and the changes in his body.  My dear parents relying on my advice and help.  My artwork and the associated deadlines.  The daily tasks of life.  All while not feeling well.  I am not trying to be a superhero.  I’m just doing the “next thing” that needs to be done.  Whether brushing Gary’s teeth, going for a MRI, shipping a greeting card order, or picking up a prescription for a loved one, we do what we need to.  It’s our joy and privilege to help those we love, and keep things running smoothly.  You know what this is like. 

So we make changes if we can, and if we can’t we live with acceptance and flexibility   For those of us who are Christians, we trust that God is with us in the midst and has a perfect plan with our lives which we don’t always understand.  I want to live close to His side, abiding with him and drawing on His strength.     

The apostle Paul had way more troubles than I do but this is encouraging. 

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; WE ARE AFFLICTED IN EVERY WAY, BUT NOT CRUSHED; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.” 2 Corinthians 4:7-11

Practical stuff I'm doing:

New succulents for the patio.

SAY NO - Accept that I can’t do everything I want to especially when I don’t feel good.  I had to cancel our monthly ladies bible study group that meets at my house, to be moved elsewhere.  Even though I "could" have hosted them, I needed to rest. 

SAY YES -  to a change of pace.  I’ve been sprucing up our little patio a little bit each week.   It’s been a very nice diversion. 

SLEEP -  I’ve been trying go to bed earlier.  Thankfully, Gary is a good sleeper, unlike many with Alzheimer’s so my sleep has been sweet lately..  “I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustains me.” Psalm 3:5

EAT HEALTHY -  Juicing anti-inflammatory vegies.  (Recently learned that stress causes inflammation.) I’ve been enjoying a spinach, carrot, apple, ginger combo.  The ginger makes it zippy but I like it.

Walking in our neighborhood.

RELAX AND BREATHE - Trying something new…diffusing essential oils.  Hoping they will help with the pain in my sinuses.  Our room smells SO good now.  (Eucalyptus, Peppermint and Lavender) 

EXERCISE - Even a 20 minute walk is invigorating. 

GO TO THE DOCTOR -  I’m having different tests and treatments to get to the bottom of these headaches.  So far, they are not abating, so will get a brain scan this week.

GET ALONE WITH GOD -  I’m talking to Him more than usual, (especially in the night) and enjoying my time alone with His word in the mornings.  Here's why... 

“We were made for Him, we are meant for Him, we have a correspondence with Him, and we will never come to rest until, like that needle on the compass, we strike that northern point, and there we come to rest - nowhere else.” D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Upside Down and Backwards

Ok, so it happened again.  Monday morning I went into protection mode.  As mommy or grandma being protective feels normal.  As a wife, not so much.  Here’s what happened.  I was sitting in the sunroom at 6:30 am, when the earthquake began, I got up and immediately went back into the bedroom to be with Gary.  In years past, I’d go to him so I’d feel safe by his side, but not today.  This time was different. 

5 Freeway at Newhall Pass - Northridge Earthquake 1994 (Photo by Gary)

Growing up in earthquake country, I am not shocked or panicked when one hits, but they still give me an adrenalin rush and spur me to action.  It’s amazing what you can process in just a few seconds.  “Is it stopping?  Is it strong?  Should I move to a doorway?  Where’s the safest spot if it gets worse?  Most of the time I end up feeling rather silly, because even though we do get occasional earthquakes here, they are not typically bad enough to cause any damage.  I did, after all, survive the 6.6 1971 Sylmar Quake (65 dead, 2000 injured), and the 6.7 1994 Northridge Quake (57 dead, 5000 injured).  I was 16 and 15 miles away, respectively.  For those, I felt justified in going to a doorway but our damage was limited to some dishes and pictures falling.  So on Monday morning, being 27 miles away from Westwood’s 4.4 earthquake, there really wasn’t much to write home about, but there’s always the adrenalin, and the not knowing how long, or how strong. 

Random Building, San Fernando Valley - Northridge Earthquake (photo by Gary)

In the middle of the Northridge Earthquake, I remember Gary taking charge, calling across the house to our daughters in the dark, telling them to stay in their doorway, (where they were hugging each other) and then stay in their rooms till they had shoes on because there was broken glass throughout the house.  Then he went out and checked the gas line, and gave us the all clear.  We all felt so safe with him watching over us.  But, this time, for the first time, I went into “protection mode.”  If it got worse I wouldn’t be able to move Gary anywhere quickly.  If the walls came crumbling down, we’d have to ride it out together, covered up with pillows and blankets.  I just knew I needed to be with him.  Not for my safety this time, but for his.  Now I’m protecting my husband because he’s defenseless. 

Gary and I experience many apparent “role-reversals” on a day-to-day basis.  It can be unsettling.  My world and how I function in it, has me feeling upside down and backwards.  Here’s how I’ve been working through the quakes of change again..

Gary has always been my protector.  No matter how we rearranged our bedroom furniture, where the sleeping bags were in the tent, or how hotel rooms were laid out, he always wanted to sleep on the side closest to the door.  When walking down a sidewalk, he’d move to the side nearest the street.  "The side of greater danger,” as he put it. 

2000 - Photo by April

One of Gary’s roles was to protect me.  God ordained that husbands “love their wives as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself up for her (the church).”  (Eph.5:25) What does it mean to “love a wife as Christ loved the church?”  Lots of things, but the main point, is to love sacrificially.  Jesus laid down His life for all who would believe and become His Church.  He died to protect them from eternal death.  For a husband to love that way, means he’ll protect her, get between his wife and harm, “take the bullet” for her, if necessary. 

My hero - 1976

So, I struggle with having to take on so many of Gary’s roles.  BUT, here’s the really great thing.  My primary role as wife is to be Gary’s HELPER.  When God made Adam, he decided that Adam wasn’t complete without a helper.  He made a suitable helper for man.  Woman.  (Genesis 2:18) Then he made them One, husband and wife.  What could be more HELPFUL than protecting a helpless husband during an earthquake? 

God never leaves me in a quandary.  His Word is all I need for navigation through this life and it does not contradict itself.

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Just a note to parents…I can’t resist saying that our culture is frequently promoting ideals that are opposite from Biblical roles.  Women are doing the rescuing of the men in many movies and tv, and though I have nothing wrong with a woman learning how to defend herself, and doing so, beware the constant message we may be giving to our young ladies through the media.  Ever After is a movie that comes to mind.  Cinderella rescues Prince Charming from the thieves, and then rescues herself from the bad guy. Prince Charming shows up to say “I love you” but that’s about it.  There are media examples on both sides, but just be aware of it.  More and more, the roles are disappearing all around us, regardless of the standard set forth in God’s word which has not changed.

Practical Joking 101 - A Good Laugh

Last Friday some friends and I were laughing over some of Gary’s antics.  A good laugh is good for me right now, in the midst of some ‘darker’ days.  Since a “cheerful heart doeth good like a medicine” here’s 10 more… 

As we were all posing pretending to be "interested in something" off to the left, Gary looked the opposite way, just as the photo was snapped to point out the "fake" pose of everyone else.  It's not that great of a picture, but I've chuckled every time I see it.   (Zion National Park, 1977)

1. Carefully place one of your dirty socks on your wife’s pillow once she’s asleep so it can be there all night.

2. Tie a smoke detector in the engine area of your friends’ car so when up to freeway speed, the rushing air, sets it off, but stopped when they pulled over to figure out what the sound was coming from. 

3. Place a brown, sheepskin on your back and while growling, crawl quickly into the kitchen where your mother is cooking dinner.

4. When packing your daughter’s sack lunch, make their P.B.& J. on a hot dog bun to embarrass her.

5. Put a “Bed Wetting Solutions” brochure on your friend’s car windshield in the church parking lot.

6. While your wife is standing in the front yard, wait till someone is walking down the street, and shout “HELLO THERE” in a woman’s voice and then quickly duck behind the hedge so your wife looks like an idiot. 

7. During your friends’ wedding reception, take a beanbag chair, and empty it in the “get-away” car, a VW. 

8. Leave the following message on your friend’s phone machine: “This is the clinic calling, and your report was positive.  Please make an appointment to come in as soon as possible.”

9. Bring a bag of black, plastic ants to weddings and nonchalantly place a few on the cake table.

10. Put a rubber band around the kitchen sink spray nozzle to depress the button, so when anyone turns on the water they will get a shower. 

There’s plenty more AND a bunch of “Retribution Pranks” played on Gary too, for another time.  If you remember one, maybe you’d like to share it, if you’re not too embarrassed, that is. 

Tidbits & Treasures 02/18/14

I Peter 1:11

Two words…

I was reading my Bible this week and ran across a note I’d written in the margin.   It says, “Cup & Glory.”    It’s from the book, “The Cup and The Glory” by Greg Harris.  The ‘cup’ of suffering is linked to the ‘glories’ to come, and this theme is traced through the Scriptures.  Dr. Harris was motivated to study this subject as a result of his own suffering.  I have jotted these two words multiple times over the years next to verses containing this theme.  Contrary to popular belief, it seems that the path to glory is laced with suffering, but the benefits are amazing.

He introduces his book like this.  “What follows are some of the lessons He (God) taught me from this, some of which I was most reluctant and slow to learn.  They are not necessarily for everyone, but rather are intended for those who are presently struggling with suffering in some area in their life, especially the painful perplexity of why God would allow them to experience such depths of misery, when we know He could remedy it whenever He wanted.  Hopefully, it will offer new insight into the graciousness of God as He lovingly uses suffering to draw us nearer to Him and to conform us closer to the image of Christ.”  Pg. 18

 “After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:10

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"A Fine Romance"  Susan's diary of her visit to the English Countryside. 

Inspired by Susan

Let me introduce you to one of my artistic inspirations, Susan Branch.  We both share a love of being home, hand-crafted art, journaling, and watercolor painting.  We both came to the craft late (well, I came back after a lengthy break).  Maybe you’ll have fun exploring her website if you like creative ideas, and ways to make your home cozy and beautiful.  She has great, simple recipes too.  Her blog is loaded with great photos, illustrations, and vignettes of life on Martha’s Vineyard Island.  www.Susanbranch.com

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A Sign

I’ve been reading about the Israelites’ great EXIT from Egypt.  Moses was hand-picked by God to lead His people out of their slavery and into the Promised Land.  He had his doubts and fears about this great task.  “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?”  Exodus 3:11

God answered, “But I will be with you, and this shall be a sign for you, that I have sent you…when you have brought the people out of Egypt you shall serve God on the mountain.” Exodus 3:12 

Moses had the assurance that he would encounter the presence of God, and THAT would be the sign that God had sent him.  After that, he was to lead the people in worship.  That’s all he needed to know…God would be with him and He was, leading, providing, and interacting with them all through the wilderness.  I want to live like that.  Believe, trust, obey, see God at work, and worship. 

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Looking good...my twin bed on left, Gary's Hospital bed with special air mattress. on right.  The lump at the footboard is the pump.

Medical Air Mattress…a solution for dementia patients and their spouses.

3 years ago, when Gary began to be much more sedentary he developed some bed (pressure) sores on his heels.  At first I didn’t know what they were, but basically they looked like big blisters.  This happens when the body isn’t moving enough and one part is pressing down on the bed for too long.  The blood doesn’t circulate there, and a sore can develop.  It can happen really quickly.  It’s even worse when there’s weight loss and less padding on the bones, so the pressure is greater.  This can be a huge problem, and it is not uncommon for dementia patients to die from systemic infections, that start with a pressure sore.  So, I began setting my alarm at 2 hour intervals during the night so I could get up and roll him over.  As you can imagine, this was exhausting and I began to do research to see if there was a better way to keep him protected.  Well, I found the most amazing thing!  I know some of my readers are caring for a loved one and will want to know about this.  It’s a circulating air mattress.  It has 15 channels of air, and a small motor which deflates and inflates these channels in sequence.  You can set the timing and duration.  It’s a twin sized mattress that fits his hospital bed (in fact is designed for hospital use) but for the first 18 months, I had it next to my twin mattress on our King box springs.  You never would have known it was not a regular King sized bed.  Now I have my twin bed pushed up to Gary’s hospital bed.  But the mattress has been chugging along, pumping air, 24/7 giving us both a good night’s sleep for about 3 years.  Pretty cool, huh!  Now that Gary has lost so much weight we have begun to change his position again when in a recliner chair, but in bed, his mattress keeps his skin from getting damaged.  It was about $1500, but if you already HAVE the pressure sores I think Medicare will cover some or all of the cost with a Doctor’s order.  I got ours after the sores were healed, but it was a very good investment and I think it has really saved Gary much pain and misery.  There are lots of choices, but here’s the one we got:  http://www.medicalairmattress.com/mdt24supradps.html  Good Night Zzzzzzzz……

For more info on adapting your home to care for a loved one...click HERE

Eight

Shortly after my last post on Friday, the 24th, something went haywire with the text.  You may have missed it, or shared it, and so, now that it appears the problem is fixed, I'm reposting.  The thing is, I had no other copy of it so I rewrote it.  Since I am a bear of "very little brain" I'm sure this new rewritten post is slightly different than the first.  Please don't feel the need to reread it, but I just wanted you to know.  I've deleted the messed up post and this will replace it.  I've saved the comments at the end of this post, and you may leave new ones if you wish at the end. 

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This begins the 8th year of Gary's Alzheimer's Dementia.  ONE PHRASE and ONE PHOTO from each year were selected to describe the progress as time marches along.  For those who have asked recently how Gary is, this will get you up to speed.  Please don't be sad about this.  Illness and decay are part of the human condition and there is much to be gained by facing reality head-on.  My comments on our journey are at the end. 

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2005 Grandpa, Grandma and Micah

 

2005

Blissfully Ignorant

As we held our most recent grandchild at the time, we had no idea what was ahead.

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2006 Grand Canyon

2006
Something’s Wrong

Gary and I both noticed little lapses in his short-term memory and slight confusion were gradually increasing.  Even with missed appointments, slowed thinking and getting mixed up about things he should have known, it never occurred to us that there was something physical going on.  We blamed it on his heavy workload.  His face was less expressive as the year wore on.

“I’m loosin’ it, Laurie!” he’d say.

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2007

2007

Dreaded Diagnosis

We began seeing doctors late in 2006 and after what seemed like an eternity of testing, Gary received the diagnosis, “You have an Alzheimer’s type dementia.”  This was a scary time for both of us, but getting an answer was a relief of sorts and we spent much time in prayer together.  In July, we closed our business, and Gary stopped driving.  He bore it well. 

He prayed, "Help us be responsible, and draw favorable attention to what You're doing here."

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2008 Griffeth Observatory

2008

Together Time

With Gary not working we were able to make lots of memories.  We took day trips around town, Huntington Gardens, a trip to Florida to see our daughter’s family, and we even watched a missile launch at Vandenberg.  We couldn’t be on the go every day of course, but Gary seemed to enjoy the activity.  It gave him a sense of getting up and getting ready to work.  He couldn’t stay alone anymore for his safety’s sake. 

During these months, he would occasionally forget who I was.  He thought I had a “twin sister” or something.  He kept a letter in his wallet that he wrote to himself, at the suggestion of, our pastor, Rick.  In it, he had stated who he was, who I was, and our family members.  (Someday, maybe I will write a post about this precious letter.)  He would read it, when feeling unsure.  It gave him his bearings and comfort.

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2009 Observing the projects

2009
Change

It became obvious that we needed to make a change in our living situation.  Our home, yard and koi pond were too much for me to manage, since Gary was now incapable of maintaining them.  Many friends and family members helped us get our home of 34 years ready to sell.  Gary enjoyed seeing familiar faces and watching the projects going on around our house. 

We sold Gary’s truck and ski boat and started having garage sales and selling Electrical inventory and tools.  He knew the truck was sold, but then forget, and get concerned when he couldn’t find it in the driveway and when he saw a white work truck, on the freeway, he’d say “I think I saw my truck.”  He really, really missed his truck.

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2010 Moving day

2010

Leaving the Familiar

In June we drove away from the home we lived in our entire marriage.  Packing and moving day went really well, and Gary rode in the U-Haul with our son-in-law.  It was a fairly easy transition for him.  He never asked about going back to our old home but one time he said he missed the fish pond.

2010 Our new home

We settled in to our new condo.  It would be easier for me, and safer for Gary.  He enjoyed the many walks around the neighborhood, stopping to pick up a twig or pull a weed in someone’s garden.  We took more day trips and Gary ran errands with me enjoying the car rides.  The change was stimulating for both of us, and yet Gary had some physical declines immediately after the move that never improved.  He wandered off 2 times but both were within my sight and easily resolved. 

Our church began an Alzheimer’s support ministry in the fall which we have been part of ever since.

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2011

2011
Help Needed

As Gary’s world was needing to become simpler, my functionality was being challenged.  The activity of busy grocery stores was becoming too much for him to handle.  In Trader Joe’s he once said, “This is hard for me.”  Neither could he safely stay alone, or sit in the car, or wait while I tried on clothes or went to the dentist.  So for several hours a week, I engaged a care giver and/or he went to the Adult Day Health Care Center.  This was all harder for me than him because I hated letting go, especially of his personal care.  But Gary was cooperative and made another adjustment.

We went to Florida to visit our family, where he enjoyed watching the grandchildren, but it was difficult in the airports and boarding planes. 

He still enjoyed working with a screwdriver, even if unconventionally, and manipulating “gadgets” such as nuts and bolts, or carabineers and pieces of rope. 

I began writing a blog about our life with Alzheimer’s.

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2012 Lombardi Ranch

2012

Remembering & Living

This year brought the end of the Adult Day Health Care.  Gary needed too much help for the staff to provide, so we increased the home care.  Gary’s occasional lack of balance resulted in a couple of tumbles and needed support when walking.  We worked hard to retain the memories, by making memory books for him and playing family movies.  Visits from old friends were met with a smile of recognition and sometimes a handshake.  There were many outings this year with Gary’s wonderful new caregivers.  He went to the mall, the lake, Vasquez Rocks, and the billiards room.  By the end of the year a wheel chair was brought along in case he got too weak, or too imbalanced to walk. 

In the fall, we signed Gary up for Hospice and he has been receiving those benefits ever since.  He has to be recertified every 2 months. 

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2013 Our 38th Anniversary

2013

Simplify

Gary’s physical problems increased to the point where I needed MUCH help moving him around the house and helping him walk.  We had a live-in caregiver for the first half of the year, and made many adaptations to our home to make things easier for both of us.

There were a couple of outings in the Spring, but most of the year was spent at home.  Gary became excessively sleepy spending most of the day in bed or a recliner.  Meals took 45 minutes due falling asleep during the meal.  Gary needed two people to help him go on a walk.

I did more and more things without him.  Family birthdays, church, etc., are too taxing for his tired body and mind.  I don’t think I will ever get used to going to things alone while he is home with a caregiver. 

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2014 A rare moment with eyes open.

2014

???

 I don’t know what this year will be like.  Right now, Gary only opens his eyes for a few minutes at a time and only a total of 30 minutes a day (on a good day).  He sleeps about 22 hours, only waking up (but eyes shut) to eat, and be walked to the shower, recliner or back to bed.  He is gentle and peaceful.  He rarely speaks.  Maybe twice a month, he’ll say a word or two.  They are ALWAYS pleasant words.  “Yeah.”  “U-huh.”  “I will.”  “Hi.” 

I may not know when he is hurting or what he needs, but we try to treat him the way we would want to be treated and entrust his care and comfort to the Lord. 

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8 years is a long time.

Will there be a 9th, 10th, 11th?  I don’t know.

Remember Gary’s prayer?  He asked God to

"Help us be responsible, and draw favorable attention to what You're doing here."

That is our goal.  You can’t miss the many good things that have happened because of these I difficult years.  Strengthened relationships, God’s love, kindness and care on display, joyful moments, and a greater longing for Heaven to name a few.  There’s a purpose for every day of those 8 years.  BUT, the days are wearying at times and mingled in are moments of crying out to God and asking Him “How much longer?”  

Thousands of years ago, Kind David asked the same questions that those in a trial (and their observers) ask. While he suffered, he turned to God for the answers.  He focused on who God is, and by trusting in God’s salvation, loving kindness and bountiful care he found joy.  Here is his song:

"How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,
And my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.

But I have trusted in Your loving kindness;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me."  Psalm 13

I have been there…asking “How long, O Lord?”  and thankfully, the Lord has strengthened my faith every time.  He reminds me of how he has watched over us, with love and kindness during these years.  A couple of books I’ve enjoyed are: “How Long, O Lord” by D.A.Carson, and “Treasury of David” by Charles Spurgeon (Chapter XIII) 

If I can encourage you in any way, send a private message to me via the CONTACT tab at the top or leave a comment on this blog.

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I PASTED THE COMMENTS FROM THE MESSED UP POST RIGHT HERE (you can leave new comments at the end...

Jerri Whitten DiPrima: 

Lori, it is amazing and obvious that God has chosen you and Gary to get help started in our church home for others walking this most difficult walk. I would love to have had help like this for my Mom and Dad. No one understands how much this disease affects not only the immediate family but old friends work cohorts, and others unless they know someone who has had to walk through it. I know you have been chosen because of your faith and strength and obedience to our Father but it is a heavy cross to bear... Gary's prayer is being answered and God is indeed faithful. Thank you.

Laurie:

Thank you Jerri. I just got back from our monthly ministry meeting. One of the things we talked about was the idea, from 2 Corinthians 4 that "this momentary LIGHT affliction is producing and eternal WEIGHT of glory" It was so encouraging.

I think as the baby boomers age, that this ministry will be all the more useful with so many folks coming down with Alzheimer's.

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terry pagach:

As believers, God's ways are mysterious but good. He glorifies Himself and comforts at the same time! Thank you, Laurie, for sharing God's steadfast love and constant faithfulness. Knowing that He didn't spare his own Son from suffering, we can expect it. I'm grateful that His word has sustained and strengthened you both! Mick and I love you both and pray for you both. May 2014 be the year our Lord returns and brings [all] his sons [children] to glory. Loving Him along with you because He first loved us! Thank you for pointing us to Christ...even in suffering.

Laurie:

Gary would LOVE for 2014 to be the year Jesus returns! Meanwhile, we pray for endurance and joy. Thank you for your sweet friendship and prayers.

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Glenna's Page:

Thanks for this encouraging summary of your journey as a couple, Laurie! We are praying for you all.

Laurie:

Love you too my dear! Say hi to the fam.

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Georgene Girouard:

I've been blessed to look back at your 8 years. My heart is amazed at the grace God has given you to care for your husband Laurie. Your commitment to him encourages me so much! God bless you... I mean REALLY bless you Laurie!

Laurie:

I DO feel blessed. Thank you. I'm constantly amazed at all God has done. I'm sure you could share a zillion things too, from your own journey.
Hope we get to meet one day.

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Lukas Vandyke:

Thank you for writing this. Your life is always an encouragement. =)

Laurie:

Thanks Lukas. God is faithful.

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clydetweets:

I'm encouraged by your steadfast faith in the Lord Jesus, Laurie. We are praying God would bless you with more confidence in Him. Have you ever read a book called Spectacular Sins? It's by John Piper and it's free as a .pdf from their website.

Laurie:

Thank you for your prayers. I'm assuming that "Spectacular Sins" refers to the curses on this earth, which include sickness and death, which are used by God, for our good, and to display His glory. Not to good with the roots, but guessing... "spectacle, or inspect, to see"?? Just wondering. Will have to check it out, because I like to read Piper. Thanks for the recommend.

(Sing) "Tum-Tum-Ta-Tum"...39 Years Later

Yesterday we celebrated 39 years of marriage... Family came over.  They showered us with flowers and cards.  We ate Tri-tip and BBQ Chicken.  Gary stayed in bed until everyone arrived at 5:00, so he'd be well rested for the evening and hopefully connect to the goings-on.  On the special days...it's easy to give in to pity parties, wishing things were different, but making a new memory is great medicine for me on Birthdays, Anniversaries, Christmas.  One thing I've learned over the last 7 years is that it is really important for ME to celebrate things REGARDLESS of Gary's ability to respond.  If he IS taking in his surroundings, then that's even better.

So, we had a party.  Gary opened his eyes once or twice during dinner while he munched his Steak, and Garlic Potatoes, but for the most part, he remained non-communicative.  Right after dinner we settled in by the TV so I could show everyone Gary's present from me.  I made him a DVD with the audio of our wedding with photos.  During the hours I spent putting together the video, editing the photos, and listening to the ceremony,  I was surprised by the effect it had on me. I was so happy, listening  to Gary repeating his vows.  I miss hearing his voice now.  I cried as I listened to the challenges laid out by our Pastor,  to love unselfishly no matter what.  I am faced with that choice every day.  My heart was flooded with gratefulness for 39 years.   Gary gave a gift to me last night too.  Toward the end of the video, he opened his eyes and watched for a few minutes, and even made some sounds, trying to speak.

Pastor Travaille prayed this poem for us.  God has truly answered this prayer for Gary and I. 

Oh Perfect Love

All human thought transcending

Lowly we bow in prayer before Thy throne

That theirs may be a love that knows no ending

Whom Thou forevermore doest join in one.

 

O Perfect Life

Be Thou their full assurance

Of tender charity and steadfast faith

Of quiet hope and gentle, brave endurance

With childlike trust that fears not pain nor death.

 

Grant them the joy that brightens earthly sorrow.

Grant them the peace that calms all earthly strife.

And may they ever know a faith in Christ as Savior

That dawns upon eternal love and life.

Through Jesus Christ our LORD

Amen

Dating - 1974

 Anniversary Celebration - 2013

Lots of people ask me "How do you do it?"  "How do you stay joyful?"  Let me say that there's nothing special about Gary and I.  We made a promise to God, in 1974 in front of each other.  We prayed for God's strength and blessing, and we meant it.  We didn't know that I would get cancer, and then that Gary would get Alzheimer's, but we knew that no matter what, God would expect us to keep our vows.   And you know what?  He's the one that has made it happen.  Gary and I are just sinners, saved by God's grace.  My joy is not natural.  It's from Jesus' love for me, and the fact that we are just passing through this life.  Our marriage was grounded in that love.  I posted the wedding DVD I made for Gary if you want to watch the photos and listen to the ceremony.  Hopefully it will encourage you.  The music sound is distorted, but you can hear Pastor T, and us just fine.  It's 28 minutes long.  At the end is a doodle type note Gary wrote me just for fun. 

Snowflakes and Me

Me and Snowflakes....we go way back.  Badger Pass at Yosemite sometime around 1956.  I still remember the big 3-D snowflakes on the front of the lodge. 

Here in Southern California the forecast for today is: 73 deg.  Wishing we had a bit more of a typical winter here, I got to thinking about colder Christmases.  My dad and I were recently reminiscing about the coldest skiing experience we could remember and we agreed that it was at Bridger Bowl, Montana.  He was in his 80's at the time.  We were riding the lift together and absolutely miserable.  The wind was blowing right through our ski clothes.  I don't remember my dad ever being cold.  Growing up, he always tried to make my brother and I feel warm, and never complained about being cold himself.  He used to let me put my hands on his coffee cup in the lodge to warm them up.  One time when my brother and I were kids I remember crying as my toes thawed out at the end of a fun day of skiing.  It was in Aspen, Colorado, and there were ice crystals in the air.  It looked like glitter as I looked out the car window enjoying the heater.  Even my painful toes didn't stop me from taking it in.  I still remember how beautiful it was.  When snowflakes drift down and land on your jacket, they truly are beautiful.  Only in the really cold, do they last very long once they land.  I'm so glad I had the opportunity to see snow on the many ski trips we took.  I gained a healthy respect for the cold too, and the powerful changes that come with winter.

These amazing macro photos of snowflakes will blow your mind.  These beautiful creations require very cold temps. In fact, the photographer has to work fast to capture them before they begin to melt.  For centuries, it's not been possible to see the detail.  How wonderful that now we can see the intricacies.  I was reminded of the passage in Job describing God's powerful hand in the weather and seasonal changes.

"God thunders with His voice wondrously, doing great things which we cannot comprehend.  For to the snow He says, "Fall on the earth," and to the downpour and the rain, "Be strong."  He seals the hand of every man, that all men may know His work." 

Ice crown by Alexey Kljatov

"Then the beast goes into its lair and remains in its den.  Out of the south comes the storm, and out of the north the cold.  From the breath of God ice is made, and the expanse of the waters is frozen, also with moisture He loads the thick clout; He disperses the cloud of his lightning."

Snowflake by Alexey Kljatov

"It changes direction, turning around by His guidance, that it may do whatever He commands it on the face of the inhabited earth.  Whether for correction, or for His world, or for lovingkindness, He causes it to happen." Job 37:5-13

Starlight by Alexey Kljatov

1977 Gary at June Mountain, California

As you can see...Gary's had a few encounters with the little flakes too. Most of them had melted into his mustache and we always laughed at this picture. Though we'll never be snow-skiing again, we're still enjoying some big snowflakes that decorate our room in this crazy warm weather.  I had no idea that one day I'd be using an old college art project as a memory aid for my husband, whom I hadn't even met when I created it.  I hang these seasonal banners in our room to remind Gary what time of year it is so the "Winter" sign is temporarily pinned on. 

I never noticed it before today, but I think I must have been influenced by the blue snowflakes on the ski lodge as a little girl! 

1972 College design project - 2 dimensional design for use in my home, constructed. This winter banner is one of four.

Hand appliqued felt snowflakes. 

Please know that Gary and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas celebrating the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ.

From our house to yours, we send our love.

Tidbits & Treasures

"Tidbits & Treasures" are some things I just really, really want you to know about! It's a collection of fun, important, newsy, stuff that don't justify an entire blog, but I want to pass on to you this Thanksgiving.  Enjoy! 

Gary shares a "tidbit" of his own.

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I LOVE THIS! 

"Yet I am continually with you; You have taken hold of my right hand.  With Your counsel You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory.  Psalm 73:23-24 

I've had this verse on a sticky note in my daily calendar for a week.  I've been thinking how  God is with Gary constantly.  He is holding his hand.  He has been caring for him all along, and when the time comes, God will bring Gary to his side in Heaven.  Comforting to think about.

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Thanksgiving Proclamations

On October 3, 1789, President George Washington, Proclaimed Nov. 26th as the National Day of Thanksgiving. 

"Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be. That we may then all unite in rendering unto him our sincere and humble thanks..."

On October 3, 1863, Abraham Lincoln made his own Thanksgiving Proclamation. Here are the last few sentences...

"I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union."  Click HERE to read the whole thing. 

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Our Thanksgiving Day 

We used to have big groups in our home every year.  Everyone brought part of the meal, Sarah and April made the decorations, and helped with getting the table ready.  I made the Cranberry Velvet, and Martha Stewart's Turkey and Dressing.  Gary busied himself with getting the carving knife sharpened, or bringing in the banquet table from the garage, and gathering the chairs from the different rooms.  My favorite part of the day was when he began the meal by thanking God for His many blessings and kindnesses to us.  I am not hosting this year.  Gary's needs have become too great, but I did make the Cranberry sauce, and will bring the mashed sweet potatoes to our daughter's home.  I'm looking forward to the whole thing.  May your Thanksgiving Day be sweet and filled with joy and gratefulness to God. 

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Christmas Shopping Ideas

Priced at $10-$15 our greeting card sets make a thoughtful gift or stocking stuffer.

Our Secret Garden Fine Art Prints are $45.

Personalized Monograms and Architectural Portraits can be ordered for $150.

AaBbCcDdEeFfGg

Been thinking a lot about lettering lately.  I have found that I really love looking at fonts when choosing just the right one for each of my greeting cards.   I'm even reading a book about how we can write better.  When I select the painting for the card, that is only the beginning.  The greeting must be supported by the font.

Birthday cards Click HERE

Serious themes are not going to be taken seriously if they are communicated with a whimsical font.  Celebrations should be written in a joyful way!

Even if you don't care much about typography, you may enjoy this clever 5 minute video about the history of Typography.  I know, sounds boring, but I think you'll find it fun!  Enjoy!

What's in your mailbox?

You're walking back from the mailbox with a handful of mail, and you're flipping through the pieces as you go.  The first group you blow right past is the junk mail addressed to  "Occupant" or "Our Good Neighbor".  Others mildly capture your interest.  These envelopes reveal your name through the cellophane window.  You know the ones....the bills.  On a typical day, you say, "...All BILLS and JUNK MAIL!"  But once in a while, something else is in that stack of envelopes.  You pick it out and it goes to the top of the stack.  Depending on who it's from, you set it aside to open with a good cup of tea or coffee, or you  rip it open immediately.  You know what I mean.  It's a hand-written note hiding within that pile of utilitarian mail.  Someone cared enough to sit down with pen and paper, and thoughtfully sent you a message.

Thanksgiving Greeting Cards - 4 Card Set  Click HERE for details

Whether you think about it or not, your hands are feeling the paper, noticing the design, and the handwriting.  It doesn't matter if it's a birthday card, or a thank you note, it conveys the personality of the sender.  It means more because someone decided to send you a personal greeting that wasn't electronic.  They wanted you to have a little piece of themselves.  It took effort to get the stamp, look up your address, and think about what to say, without the ability to backspace.

Sometimes we can't find the words we are looking for, but if encouragement, prayer, or thanks are needed, I turn to the Bible.  During the last several years I have been journaling about the impact of particular verses in my life.  I am thrilled to share them with you along with my artwork in the form of greeting cards.  Some include these verses, and some are blank for your own thoughts.  Each card is unique and expresses my heart.

Autumn Encouragement Cards - 8 Card Set  Click HERE for details

Several Greeting Card sets are available today for ordering and more are on the way.  Click HERE to view /purchase them in my gallery.  

You have something to say.

Make it last.

Say it with a pen.

"And don't worry about your handwriting being bad.

You just happen to have your very own FONT!" 

"Fellowship of Suffering"

Like cold water to a weary soul, so is good news from a distant land.  Proverbs 25:25

I am suffering.  It's not always intense.  It's not all the time, but I get hit with waves of sorrow as I watch the deterioration of my dear Gary's mind and body.  What encourages me most?  The comfort that comes from others.  In fact, we (my family and I), have experienced many varied blessings that ultimately come from God's care.  Reminders of what is true about God and His promises to His children, beautiful music that lifts my heart from despair to joy, opportunities to serve and enjoy this big beautiful world are everywhere. 

In 2 Corinthians 1, Paul says,"  ...the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction SO THAT we will be able to comfort those who are in ANY affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."  Many folks who have served us, have never experienced anything like our trial, so don't ever think that just because you've never suffered from dementia in a loved one, that you can't offer encouragement to someone who's suffering.  According to Paul, ANY suffering qualifies ANY believer to offer refreshment in Jesus' name. 

But THIS post is about those who are going through similar difficulties.  I want to tell you about three friends.  God has been blessing me in a way I didn't expect by including me in a very special "fellowship."  Let me tell you how it started.   A bunch of us girls met in a Baptist church over 50 years ago.  In Junior High we spent many hours at slumber parties, pool parties, and summer camps together.  Oh the Laughter!!!  Over the years we drifted apart, 20 years, 30 years and 40 years for one of them, since we've been in communication.  Now we live too far away to spend time together but thanks to Facebook and email, we are back together.  We are reunited in a sort of "Fellowship of Suffering."  One of these friends is a recent widow.  Another has a husband who is loosing a battle with cancer.  Another has a husband recently diagnosed with cancer. 

We're all here in this camp photo.  I'm in the middle row, 2nd from the left with my white "babushka" scarf.  My 3 friends can remain anonymous. 

Who would have thought that after so long, we'd be regularly communicating.  These women know Christ.  They are ministering to me by reminding me of His great love and care.  They are not just "playing church" as I suspect many of us were as young teens, but have matured in to women of God.  We center our conversations around the relationships we have with our Savior.  They each know the loss, pending loss or potential loss of a husband, like me.  "Like me."...  There is a bond between us.  It is special.  It comes as a surprise to me, that God would bring back these friends from so long ago to be comforters in my life. 

Camp Rancho at Forest Home. 1966

None of us are comfortable with the idea of death taking our dear husbands.  Death is not just "a part of life."  Whether it threatens and goes away, gradually overcomes, or suddenly crashes in on our lives, we resist it.  Life is a precious gift.  Because God saved us, we are able to meet these kinds of challenges with inner peace and joy.  None of us would say we have that kind of strength in ourselves apart from Christ living in us.  A quick request for prayer via a Facebook chat, or an email to a friend can lead to the sweetest dialog with true encouragement because we remind each other that our good God is in control and we can trust Him.  Little explanation is needed with these 3 because they understand me in a unique way.

I am quite amazed at the surprises along the way as I "suffer."  One of the dearest is these ladies' ministry to me.   

"Strategery" Session

 "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Prov.19:21  

Recently Becky (our caregiver) and I wrote an article for the newsletter for our Alzheimer's ministry group at church.  We called it "Logistical Strategies."  It's about adapting to the changes in our loved one.  I'm happy to share the content here because there are many photos of what we are doing to make things easier.  If you are reading this because you know and love someone with dementia, I hope this is super helpful.  If you are reading this because you love Gary and I, thank you for caring.  L.P. 

Logistical Strategies

(from the Alzheimer's. Ministry Newsletter, Grace Community Church)

Changes ahead.  Seven years ago when Gary was diagnosed with A.D., I knew changes were coming.  I knew Gary would get worse, not better.  I knew I didn't want to embrace the unfamiliar.  Wise friends and loving family have advised me at every step of the way to face the facts, accept the inevitable and try to be "ahead of the game" with our preparations.  There have been scary moments, but always, I have found that God  is right there guiding us along, and a constant companion.  Most of the time, by grace, I am able to bask in the security of God's good providential care.  "I will never leave you or forsake you" He said.  "I will incline my ear to you, when you cry for help" and just like David, He has been listening to me and caring for Gary and I. 

Life has not been without it's "tumbles" and "messiness" at times, but overall, we have continued to "adjust" to the NEW and DIFFERENT, which has given comfort to Gary and peace to me.  Be kind to your Loved One by adjusting his/her environment to suit him/her, give the gift of time to your family and friends by simplifying your life, and save own back by making use of equipment and lifestyles that fit your new phase of life.  Everyone's needs are different of course, but now that Gary is in Advanced Stages, we've been through a lot and want this personal look to serve as a visual aid in your planning and strategizing for your loved ones. 

Becky's photos and comments give the care giver's perspective so together we'd like to encourage you.

The biggest change was a new home.  One that I could manage.  I wish we'd moved sooner.  Generally, I'd say make adaptations sooner rather than later so your L.O. (Loved One) can adjust before the disease progresses.  Try to stay ahead of the needs. 

So, to you, friend, I say..."Welcome.  Come on in and I'll show you around our house!"

(Use the arrows at the edge of each photo below to advance to the next one.) 

Ramps for wheelchair or walking. (Note portable ramp at side. Handy when visiting others.)

Ramps come in all shapes, sizes and materials and some are removeable.

Comfy, washable chair reclines...

...OR rises at the touch of a button to save the care giver's back.

Pleasant Surroundings with space for mobility equipment, a comfortable chair for me.

Eye catching images geared for Gary's interest are included in the wall décor. Door to bathroom was enlarged for ease of access.

Gary's view...Favorite TV viewing includes video slideshows with scripture, scenery, and hymns, a gift from the grandchildren.

Seasonal art to remind Gary of the time of year.

Laminate floor facilitates easy rolling of the Hoyer Lift, used to lift Gary into bed if needed.

Here's how it works.

Wondering where to start?  A wise person said...Ask yourself..."WHAT'S THE WORSE THAT COULD HAPPEN?"      

"This question will force you to look at the worst case scenario then work back from there.  It's forcing yourself to look at what could go wrong and finding strategies to do your best to prevent this."  

Take for example the tendency for falling which is usually the first symptom that something is amiss.  What is the worst that could happen?  A fall and hip fracture.  What room in the house is this most likely to happen?  Bathroom perhaps.  So we take steps to get rid of the throw rugs, we install bars etc.  You get the picture.   Whatever solutions you come up with, you've faced the worst possibility and now have ideas to stop or delay it becoming an eventuality.                 

Grab bars, shower wand and shower chair, keep loved ones safe and secure.

With my twin bed snuggled up against Gary's hospital bed, and with matching bedspreads, beds are disguised as a King. There are railings on each side of Gary's bed for when he is alone.

When Gary is in bed, I can work on my laptop, talk on the phone and reach over and touch him. I hope my voice and activity is somehow comforting to him. Being near Gary is comforting to me.

Some of the health aids I found online, some through friends, or home improvement stores.  Many Senior Centers have volunteers who will install handrails, and ramps. Medicare provided some of the equipment too.  You don't have to make all the changes at once.  Prioritize the things you need and get the most pressing needs covered first.  When you must adapt things in your home, embrace the idea.  Look at change as an adventure.  Have a discovery attitude. 

"If you are a saint, God will continually upset your programme,

and if you are wedded to your programme,

you will become the most obnoxious creature under heaven,

an irritable saint." 

Oswald Chambers, Running Today's Race.

Photos by Becky S. and Article by Becky and Laurie

Watercolor Journal - Cherished Forever

View fullsize

Click on painting to enlarge.

"It will be cherished forever." That's what P.G. said when she received the painting last week.  It was a gift from her husband.  Hummingbirds and African Violets hold a special place in his wife's heart.  Why?  Her mother had loved them first.   Her mom is no longer here, but now, P.G. waters the same plants and treasures the glass hummingbird “sun-catchers” that hung in her mother’s window.  It was my privilege to create this painting, a gift from her thoughtful husband, to keep the memory of her mother fresh.

"Let me tell you it is the most beautiful gift I have ever received. It is a beautiful compilation of so many meaningful elements. Thank you for making (my husband's) vision a reality. it will be cherished forever!!!  It is truly a magnificent piece of art! I only wish my Mom was here to see it...she would love it as well."  P.G.

Thoughts on my own treasured mom...

This project gave me pause to think about my own mother.  In the winter of her life she is as beautiful as ever.  Thankfully, my mom lives within walking distance of me, so I can still enjoy her smile, and kind heart.

My mom and I getting ready for Easter.

Let me conjure up some memories of my own.  My mother delights in so many things.  She’ll try anything and is the quintessential “good sport.”  She’d jump on our trampoline, teach the granddaughters how to cha-cha, and reads Uncle Remus with the perfect accent.  Her mobility may be limited, but her mind is active, serving my father, reading the Bible, and keeping track of her great-grandchildren’s birthdays.  She always wore a brightly colored hat for road-trip photos because it was “photogenic.”  When she puts scotch tape on a Christmas gift, the ends are folded down on themselves so there are “pull-tabs” to make it easy to open.  She made all our Halloween costumes from scratch, every year, and at age 90, just made herself a new apron with bluebird fabric to remind herself of the bluebirds that used to nest in their eaves.  I already think of my parents whenever I see a bluebird.

The real gift here, is not the painting, but the cherished mom, who inspired it and like my client, my mental treasuries are full, and I love my mom.

Watercolor Journal - Cute

Every minute I've spent with this little guy to capture his personality, aka cuteness, has been really fun.  I've been wondering what makes a baby owl SO cute?  I think it has to do with his big head and 'starey' eyes.  And fluff.  Lots of baby animals have similar "cuteness" and elicit a spontaneous awwww!"  But why do we humans love looking at baby animals so much?   Guess what?  The day after I finished this painting, I read that recently a study at Hiroshima University, found that looking at pictures of baby animals, increase productivity, focus and fine motor skills in adult employees.  One reason may be that watching babies of any kind encourage the caring/nurturing part of us, that requires  attentiveness to the needs of the little one.  If you wonder how researchers would come up with this type of a study, Japan is 'crazy' for "Kawaii" (Japanese for 'cute').  Remember Hello Kitty?  Pokemon?  Anime? 

Hello Kitty

Christmas morning 1977.  Sarah and Sniffy. 

So, I decided to display the little "owlet" painting near Gary for the time-being.  I'm hoping his focus, and concentration, can be enhanced by this small, feathered tutor.  In any case, this baby owl, will certainly exude cuteness, and that has to benefit Gary's sense of well-being.  It does mine, every time I walk by.  When Sarah was two years old Gary bought her a little bunny.  She named it "Sniffy" because...wait for it... it sniffed.  As you can see by the photo, it gave her a sense of well-being too. 

"Goodbye Jason"

Gary and Jason on our daily walk around the neighborhood. 

I said 'Good-bye' to Jason this morning.  I can't imagine the last six months without him in our home.  He came to us at the perfect time, and gave freely of himself to serve us in more ways than I can count.  He is truly a gift from God and will forever be in our hearts.

As he travels, and always, my prayer for him is a blessing from Numbers 6, 

"May the Lord bless him and keep him.  May the Lord make His face to shine on him, and be gracious to him.  The Lord lift up his countenance on him, and give him peace." Numbers 6

I'm looking forward to seeing how the Lord will use him as he spends his life serving others in the name of Jesus.   

Gary's schedule is done, the care giving is lined up, and our plan is finished.  Our needs will likely change again, but for now, we're all set.   Again, the Lord has provided just what we need at just the right time.

For the story on how Jason came to us click HERE

For the last blog post about 'transitions' click HERE 

"I gotta get me some SKILLS!"

Two big changes are on the horizon.  I am not looking forward to either of them.  One is going to happen quickly, like flipping a light switch off, and the other one is more like a dimmer switch, being turned up and down erratically.  The instant change is going to happen in about 2 weeks.  The other one has already begun. 

Change Number One:

Our dear Jason, who has served us so unselfishly for 6 months, is going to be leaving.  His work needs are changing, precipitating his move back to Florida.  I can't say enough about his kindness to us by doing all the "heavy lifting" for me.  His jokes with Gary, his professional care for him, and the laughter will be missed.  He has become like one of our own. If you haven't read the amazing story of how he came to us, Click HERE. 

Becky and Karl, on one of their many walks with Gary. 

Change Number Two:

Gary's needs are changing too.  Alzheimer's Disease is different with everyone.  With Gary there have been some plateaus, but mostly it's been a steady progression of decline.  As the years have rolled on, (7+ now) the progression seems faster.  It has been a month since Gary has said anything to me.  He rarely looks at me.  He is only awake about 6 hours a day.  But the worse thing seems to be his balance, and maneuverability.  The mobility issues are having the biggest effect on me.  A person alone has a very hard time walking Gary from one room to another or helping him get seated.  Standing him up is lifting dead weight.  Once on his feet, he can go for a walk with support on each side, but inside the house, it's all scissor steps, distractions and confusion so a single person has a difficult time walking him. 

So Now What?

The caregiving is going to look different and the team is going to be bigger.  ("We're gonna need a bigger boat" JAWS)  I'm using the last couple of weeks with Jason here, to try several things.  He is helping me with the transitions.  We have new equipment, and procedures that I must get proficient with.  We are trying new schedules, by condensing activities.  I am trying new "locations" for Gary during the day.  Ironically, by trying out new methods, I'm getting sore muscles, or feeling overwhelmed because of all the wasted motions, or wrong way to do things.  I'm learning though,  by tweaking HOW I do things, and in what order I do them, it's getting easier every day.

Figuring Things Out

I thought some may be interested in the process so I'll try to share some of it with you.  If you have a loved one in an advanced stage of dementia, you may find it helpful, and if not, please pray for Gary and me.  I am in great need of wisdom and grace.

Rolled up blanket to simulate torso.  It's actually very comfortable and I think Gary enjoys riding in the "hammock." 

This is a Hoyer Lift.  It's the first one I've ever seen.  If I can get proficient using it, work out the logistics of where to keep it, how to move it around, and how to place Gary in just the right place on the "hammock", then I (or any caregiver) can use it to get Gary into and out of bed, and into a wheelchair.  Without it, you need two people.  (Tried it again this morning and it was much easier than last time!)

I still have a twin bed pushed up next to his.  I'm resisting moving them apart.  Love being near. 

Gary's hospital bed is on the right.  He has actually had it for awhile, but now it's getting more use.  Giving him dinner in bed eliminates the long difficult walk to bed at night when he's sleepy.   I am learning to use the controls and the side rails to my advantage, to protect my back, and Gary as I help him with various things. 

In pulling up a movie for this photo I came across Driving Miss Daisy.  Well, as usual, it sucked me in and I've had it on in the background all morning, and yes, it still makes me cry at the end.  Especially now.

This is a bed table.  We watch a movie, or live streaming with our dinner on the laptop.  Well, Gary listens, and I watch while I feed him, because he has his eyes shut during meals.  Don't know why, but I suspect it's too many senses going at once and he can shut out sight easily.  After he eats, he usually watches with me for about 30 minutes.  I treasure this time with him because we are doing something "together."  After I brush his teeth, I sit next to him on my bed, and work on a project or read till he falls asleep at about 7:00.

This is my pile of notes.  After a family conference a few weeks ago, we decided that I need to tackle 3 areas.   

1. Gary's well being.  What must be done, to promote his...

PHYSICAL comfort and safety

MENTAL stimulation, security, and relationships

SPIRITUAL life

2. Laurie's well being.   What must be done, to promote my...

PHYSICAL health

MENTAL stimulation, security, and relationships

SPIRITUAL LIFE

3. The finances needed to pull this off!  The Guys (sons-in-law), will help me figure this part out.

Next, I put an activity with each section.  For instance, for Gary's Physical comfort he does best with at least one 15 minute walk each morning, certain foods, and lots of naps.  To keep him safe, he can't be left unmonitored ever, and must always have 2 helpers for walking, etc. 

Time and schedules come next.  Once all our needs were written out, I needed to lay out a weekly schedule fitting caregiving into time slots. I've been brainstorming with our existing caregivers, about the changes I'm trying before I settle on a schedule.  My goal is to have the schedule figured out in a few days, so I can start lining up more help.

This is only a fraction of them. 

Getting there...but still using pencil so I can erase. 

All For Good

We recently had a short visit from our daughter, April.  It was a precious time.   I don't know what I'd do without the help and encouragement of our family.  I am not in this alone.  I am confident that ALL these changes will work out for good for us.  I'm reading a great book on Romans 8:28 and plan to write a review for my Blog soon.  Being in the hands of God is a good place to be.  I'm just doing the next thing, which right now is to get Gary moved to the bedroom.  "Hoyer Lift, I will take charge of you!"

A couple times during April's visit we could tell Gary recognized her. 

There was a special visit with my parents who live across the street.  Here's 3 of the generations together.  My dad's 95!

I had a wonderful time on my birthday weekend with Sarah and April at the beach for a couple of days. 

Watercolor Journal - Lil' Bandit

Furry, cute, and oh so sneaky!  A favorite lil' critter of mine is the raccoon.  I know they can be mean and you don't want to get cornered in a small space with them, but the little mask, striped tail, and the fact that they 'wash' their food makes them irresistible to my imagination. 

Everyone has a good raccoon story.  My favorite took place at our old house.  With the Koi pond, and it's shallow rock waterfall, raccoons and possums were around from time to time..  A  place to wash food, an occasional fish food pellet, ornamental grass which hosted grubs, and worms, to say nothing of the tempting fish.  Gary had built the patio over hanging the pond a little, so that the fish could hide from predators and most of the fish were too big for a raccoon to pull out, but all the other goodies in our garden were in abundant supply.  Anyway, we knew they were there, our dogs kept us informed of that in the night.  Being nocturnal, I always wondered where they went in the daytime.  Our tree trimmer found out one day, when pruning a palm tree.  Up on a very tall ladder, and deep into the thickest part of the palm fronds, he came face to face with a big raccoon.  It was right next to our pond, and had made a nest there.  Both of them were surprised, and Mike took a quick exit.  When he went back up, Mr. Raccoon was gone.

Evidence

When we take Gary for a walk every morning, guess what we see?  Evidence!  We've got raccoons here too, and I love knowing that.  I saw muddy prints in our little garden right outside our living room window, so I know they are close by.  We criss-cross their paths as we walk through our little neighborhood.  I wonder where they go in the daytime?  What tree, or bush do they live in?  Are they curious about us too?  Seeing these little prints day after day, reminded me of our little ecosystem by the pond, and inspired me to paint Lil' Bandit.  Love the daily "brush" with critters, and capturing them with MY brush!

Makes me feel like we're back in Sunland!​

Do YOU have a good raccoon story of your own to share?