Delayed, Disappointed, Confused?

It's a favorite of mine...Psalm 25.  In my Bible, it’s got underlines, and notes in the margin.  I'm drawn back to it when I have decisions to make or am feeling overwhelmed.  The first time in my life that Psalm 25 had a huge impact on me was 12 years ago, when I was fighting Stage III cancer.  David’s prayer-song has been a comfort to me ever since. 

Many of you know my mom went to Heaven in July.  We are adjusting to the “new normal” with her gone.  My dad is lonely, in frail health, and though we enjoy being together, our short visits are limited since I can’t leave Gary alone.  Being responsible for my dad's care, is a weighty thing. 

Over the last months my health has been threatened with headaches, weight gain and overall tiredness.  My father broke his hip (now healed).  My mother died.  Gary has lost more weight, is now unable to walk and is confined to bed.  He no longer seems to recognize me or others. 

A recipe for depression?  Yes, BUT then God ministers to my heart .  God will NOT let His own be "put to shame."  In Hebrew, that means disappointed, delayed or confused. 

Now…let me walk through this precious Psalm and share my heart as I go…Ok?

1 To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

You’ve got my soul Lord.  All of my inmost parts.  Again I give myself to You.  You have my attention.  Nothing is beyond your concern, care and plans.  You are large and in charge. 

2 O my God, in You I trust, You are worthy of my trust! 

Do not let me be put to shame;

Don’t let me be delayed…Help me to pace my emotions & energy knowing that Your timing is perfect.

Don’t let me be disappointed…Let me see glimpses of the wonderful things going on in the midst of things not turning out the way I expected.

Don’t let me be confused…Give me clarity in the face of much information and many opinions.

Do not let my enemies (the enemies of my soul…Satan and his demons) exult over me. Don’t let them have the last laugh by discouraging me.

3 Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be put to shame;
Those who deal treacherously without cause will be put to shame.

What a sweet promise…that if I “wait” for You to act, I won’t be “delayed, disappointed or confused.”

4 Make me know Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.

I want to do what you would do, Lord.  Let your love and wisdom flow through me.

5 Lead me in Your truth and teach me, 
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day.

Keep me always learning from your Word because You are the One who saved me.  I'm eagerly looking to You for direction and help for the two frail men I love.

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6 Remember, O Lord, Your compassion and Your lovingkindnesses,
For they have been from of old. 

Show Your compassion to Gary and my dad.  Be merciful to us. 

7 Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
According to Your lovingkindness remember me,
For Your goodness’ sake, O Lord.

Lord, You are using the pressures and stresses of these days to reveal sin, lying beneath the surface in my heart.  You are good to do so.  Please forgive my impatience, and pride.

8 Good and upright is the Lord;
Therefore He instructs sinners in the way.

You are SO GOOD, to point me in the right direction.

9 He leads the humble in justice,
And He teaches the humble His way.

I’m incapable, inadequate, often wrong, and proud.  Keep me humble in order that I can follow Your lead.  

10 All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth
To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.

ALL the paths…I’m so encouraged and comforted by this promise that everything You do, is merciful and true.  There is no unkindness or deception with You God.  Your ways are good, even these current difficult days. 

11 For Your name’s sake, O Lord,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.

Because of who You are, You forgive.

12 Who is the man who fears the Lord?  He will instruct him in the way he should choose.  His soul will abide in prosperity, And his descendants will inherit the land.

So many promises, to the one who fears God.  “He who fears God, has nothing else to fear.”  Spurgeon  Wisdom in decision making…Everything my soul needs…Care for my family...

14 The secret of the Lord is for those who fear Him,
And He will make them know His covenant.

And more...Intimate relationship with the Lord and promises KEPT.

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15 My eyes are continually toward the Lord,
For He will pluck my feet out of the net.

I want to keep looking to God for everything because he’s going to rescue me from temptation.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
For I am lonely and afflicted.

God, give Your grace to our family as we experience loss and suffering.  It is hard to see my dad and my husband like this. 

17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses.

My problems seem big to me but to you they are not.  Save me from MY actual distresses, and from "feeling" distressed. 

18 Look upon my affliction and my trouble,
And forgive all my sins.

Give your attention to the problems I’m facing.  Forgive those sins of worry, doubt, and trying to do things in MY strength.

19 Look upon my enemies, for they are many,
And they hate me with violent hatred.

Deal with the unseen but very real enemies of my soul, for I know they want to discourage me and wear me down.

20 Guard my soul and deliver me;
Do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in You.

Keep my soul safe as you bring me all the way to Heaven one day and don’t let me be disappointed, delayed or confused, because I’m going to hide in your protective love.

21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,
For I wait for You.

Build integrity and righteousness into my life and let them keep me strong and protected because I’m choosing to wait on You. 

22 Redeem Israel, O God,
Out of all his troubles.

You are the ONLY answer to the troubles of this life.  We look to You eagerly anticipating our marching orders and asking for Your help every day.  Help my resolve when I am weak.

Greetings and Salutations

Many of you have asked for the opportunity to do "mix and match" card shopping so it's my pleasure to finally announce that my entire collection of greeting cards is now available to you at colorsbylaurie.com  

Inspirational, Special Occasion, Thank You, and Holiday cards are ready to view and purchase at this link...  MIX & MATCH GREETING CARDS.  If you purchase 8 or more the shipping is free. 

Last month, following my mother's passing, I  was recently reminded of the special meaning that is attached to a greeting card received in the mail.  My dad and I were truly comforted as we read the sympathy cards that came in the mail.  Those who took the time to write a note, whether long or short really blessed us. 

Thanksgiving

I've had this collection assembled and ready, but because of the recent events in my family's life, have been unable to publish until now.  I'm so happy to finally be able to share it with you in the hopes you will be benefited as will those you choose to greet with a special card or note.    Here are a few samples...

New Baby

"When you write a note, you are giving yourself to the reader in the most civilized way.  A handwritten note is a unique gesture that offers more of you without demanding more of them."  (The Art of the Handwritten Note, by Margaret Shepherd)

Thank You

Inspirational

"She Shall Be Praised"

My blog posts have been non existent for some time.  I have been writing, and painting a little, but for a very different and personal reason.  My mother, Louise Ransom went to her heavenly home on July 18th.  We had an intimate memorial celebration for her in my home this week.  Honoring my mom was a joy, because she honored the Lord with her life.  Today I posted the Eulogy which I wrote to honor her life if you care to read it along with some of the photos which were shown at the service. 

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."

Proverbs 31:30

Ella Louise Ransom was born in Chicago, Illinois September 1, 1922.  Her family had moved there when her father, Harold Huntsman, enrolled in the Wurlitzer school of Organ.  His dance band, “The Blue Melody Boys” had just broken up after five years of touring the southern states playing in the popular “dime-a-dance” halls.  Louise’s mom, Martha and her brother, Harold Jr., had been traveling with the band, and when Martha became pregnant with Louise, they decided to settle down to raise their family.

Six weeks later they moved to Decatur, Illinois, where her dad played pipe organ for silent films, and accompanied vaudeville acts on the piano. Her parents bought a nice home on a tree lined street, near the Baptist church that became their church home.  In 1926 her sister Emily was born.

At four years old, some of Louise’s artistic interest was emerging… Recently Louise wrote of this.  “Oh Mom!  She’s done it again!”  That was the plaintiff cry of a 9 year old boy whose 4 year old sister, Louise, had invaded his room in his absence and played with his paint set.  The multi-colored mess was convicting.  Mom said to Louise, “We’ve asked you more than once not to go into Harold’s room and you’ve disobeyed, so I’ll have to use the ping pong paddle.” “But mom, the colors are so pretty and if I mix 2 of them there’s another color!”   The ping pong paddle did its job.  Privately her parents wondered if she could have a natural talent.  The next Christmas, there was a paint box marked, “Louise” under the tree. 

In the late 20’s sound came to the movies, so her father lost his job at the theatre, and eventually they lost their home.  The Huntsmans were creative.  Louise’s parents built a hamburger stand and sold hamburgers, chili, ice cream, candy and pop…everything priced at 5 cents.  They also invented the Huntsman Candy Bar which they produced in the basement of their rented home and distributed to grocery stores all over town.  In 1931 with the Great Depression upon them, a band of gypsies traveling through town robbed their hamburger stand business at knife-point.  To add to the difficulties, Harold Sr. broke his rib and was no longer able to do the strenuous work required for producing the candy bars so they went out of business. 

Although growing up during the hardships of the “Great Depression” years, in her own words, Louise said “her childhood was extremely happy.  In the atmosphere of a joyful Christian family, the focus was on God-given blessings, faith in the Almighty, and always with gratitude, and a touch of humor.”

Louise’s grandma and aunt, who lived in Los Angeles, invited her family to come to California where there were more jobs available.  The Huntsmans headed west when Louise was 9 years old.  Trusting in God, they forged ahead with optimism.  The three kids saw it as a great adventure, and didn’t understand the hardship at the time.  While Louise’s dad attended Barber College with the plan of opening his own shop, Louise loved living with her grandma, who taught her to bake cookies, make pie dough, and do embroidery work. 

In 1935, her dad opened his business in L.A.  Louise was 12.  They lived in the one room apartment above the shop, and even though crowded they were happy days.  The kids would play on the sidewalk out front, or on the flat roof, where they had a pet duck, named Donald.  Louise said, “We had little materially, but ours was a loving, joyful family with faith in God and hope for our future.” 

Eventually they were able to buy a simple farm-style house just off Sunset in Hollywood.  It seemed like a palace to Louise, after living in the tiny apartment.  The Huntsmans loved people so the welcome mat was always out.  Their home was used for meetings, special events and big family dinners for years.  A grand piano was added and the sound of music filled the rooms for many years, as Harold Sr. continued to be a professional musician along with barbering. 

While in High School, Louise continued developing her skills with a paint brush, and her teachers noticed.  She took classes at Art Center College of Design as a high school student, and was awarded a scholarship to Otis Art Institute, where she attended the year after she graduated, in 1941.  She was offered a 2nd year scholarship but turned it down, in favor of a college education beginning with Los Angeles City College.  When World War II interrupted her college years, and she went to work for Lockheed Aircraft in Burbank as a technical illustrator until the end of the war.

In 1943 Louise joined Hollywood Presbyterian Church.  It was there under the teaching of Dr. Louis Evans, and discipled by Dr. Henrietta Mears, that she fell in love with the Word of God.   Even though raised in a Christian home and brought up in the truth, she had never before been challenged to study the Bible for herself.  At the end of the war, she attended a college retreat at Forest Home, that marked a major turning point in her life.   In her own words, “With the end of WW II one month earlier, I was faced with a dilemma: Should I continue with my good job at Lockheed Aircraft, or follow my dream of a college education with a major in art?  There were pros and cons on both sides.    Though I considered myself to be a Christian already, at the conference I was moved to commit my life to Christ, pray for guidance, and trust God to open doors.  Once back home, I learned it wasn’t too late to have my credits transferred from LA City College to UCLA and register for the fall semester.  I could afford it because UCLA was a no tuition school at the time, and I was able to find a part time job to help with college expenses.  My parents were supportive.  It seemed God’s will was now clear.  I was grateful and overjoyed!!

 “Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”  Psalm 37:5 had new and personal meaning for her.

She graduated from UCLA in 1948.  She would be a Bruin for life much to the dismay of the USC fans in the family.  Her training in the art department would lead to a life-long passion for art and great pleasure in sharing her artwork with others.  She returned to technical illustrating at Lockheed along with free-lance jobs.  It was at Lockheed that she was to meet her one true love. 

Bill remembers meeting Louise…“We passed each other on a stairway and our eyes met.  A few weeks later we were introduced at the Lockheed Art Club exhibit.  I was supposed to take pictures of the winners in different categories so they could publish the results in the Lockheed Star newspaper.  Soon after we had our first date at a friend’s house.  It was dinner followed by viewing color slides of recent trips my friend and I had taken. I was attracted to her basic sweetness.  With Louise, it was always somebody else came first.”

They enjoyed ice skating lesson dates, dinner dates, and especially at a favorite restaurant on Riverside drive where they would talk about the Sunday sermon. 

They were married at Hollywood Presbyterian Church on February 3, 1950. 

Shortly after getting married, they spent a brief time in Menlo Park in the bay area. Bill remembers taking drives along the 17 Mile Drive along the coastline and take pictures.  Louise made paintings from some of Bill’s photographs of the windswept trees and the winds blowing off the ocean.  One such painting was a gift for her brother, and now belongs to her granddaughter, April.

For the next 34 years their home was in La Crescenta, California.  Their church home was La Crescenta Baptist Church.  They were blessed with two children, Laurie and Paul.  While raising their family they enjoyed many vacations in Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Parks and grew to love the beauty of God’s creation in that part of the country.  Louise enjoyed getting close to nature, hiking through the back country far away from the crowds.  The fact that she was a good sport made her a perfect wife for Bill who introduced her to backpacking, snow skiing, and camping.  She often brought along her sketchpad and paints and made these family adventures such fun with her cheerful attitude and willing spirit.  She would help her kids collect rocks, pine cones, and wildflowers to be pressed in the old Sears catalog she brought along.  Later they would be made into greeting cards.  She was curious about everything and always wanted to understand and learn.

In his late teens, Paul was killed in a driving accident.  This was a very painful time for Bill and Louise but they sought to find the purposes of God in the loss of their son.  A memorial fund was established to help provide rooms in a conference facility at Hume Lake Christian Camps which gave a small glimpse into the good that can come from a tragic situation.  The peace that passes understanding was given to them. 

Mom was a problem solver.  She could figure out anything.  I think this helped her with her homemaking skills, but more especially with teaching me to balance my checkbook, cooking, baking, and sewing.  No one made better pie dough, and when asked she’d say, ‘Oh, I just follow the recipe in the Betty Crocker Cookbook.” 

She was a very good listener.  I could solve most of my problems by “running them by mom.”  I think her occasional questions would help me come to a good solution.  Her creativity was everywhere.  Every Christmas she and my father designed original, personal Christmas cards.  As a kid I remember seeing the two of them silk screening the cards and they’d be laying all over drying between color runs.    For one birthday party, she made eight Barbie doll outfits for party favors. Her artistic touch permeated our home.  Beautiful paintings, hand sewn tablecloths and clothes.  She illustrated titles for my dad’s many films.  But the best thing about my mom was the way she loved Jesus.  She tried her hardest to live for Him.  She was everything a mother should be.  Compassionate, encouraging, resourceful, patient, a good teacher and so fun.

Louise became a grandma twice.  Sarah and April adored her.  Their strongest memory of Grandma is her joyful smile.  “She radiated joy in all seasons of life, knowing that God works all things together for good.  Grandma was FUN!  Whether bouncing on the trampoline, trying to teach us to “Charleston”, mailing us picture letters, or showing us a new parlor game, she loved to laugh and have fun with us.”  Sarah said, “Grandma was the most thankful person I have ever known.  She gave thanks for all things and saw God’s hand in each provision.  

As a Christian woman, Grandma grew more and more fervent in her love for God and His word.  Even into her 90’s, she studied her Bible diligently and shared God’s truth with others.  I want to be like her when I grow up.” April loves how Grandma never had a sense of entitlement.  Also, she always wanted to know about April and her family.  “I want the details” Grandma would say.  She admired that as a senior, Grandma never coasted spiritually, actively pursuing sanctification and knowing Christ more.” 

Bill and Louise retired to Bozeman, Montana in 1984 and spent 26 years, just north of Yellowstone.  It was a delightful location 20 minutes from town, with plenty of wildlife, wildflowers, and beautiful views of the Gallatin Valley.  They attended Grace Bible Church in town.  Louise hosted ladies groups so the new women could get acquainted with other ladies, and brought meals to those who were sick.  Eventually they moved into town and she attended a weekly ladies bible study in the neighborhood.  Their years in Montana were full of photography, paintings, craft fairs and art shows. 

She produced close to 100 paintings while living there.  When asked about her talent, she humbly said, “All creativity comes from God, and because we are made in His image, everyone is creative in one way or another.”

While living in Montana, Sarah and April both got married, and Louise became a great-grandma eight times over.   She absolutely LOVED each one, even though four of them were across the country in Florida.  Her great grandkids remember her as joyful no matter what.  When she could, she would read to them from the worn out Disney story book that she read to their mommies and grandma many years before.  “da Tar Baby” was the favorite of all.

In 2011 the Ransoms moved to California right across the street from Gary and Laurie.  They gave up their beautiful Montana to be near the family.  These last three years brought many physical limitations upon Louise.  Arthritis, failing eyesight, poor hearing, and heart problems, plagued her, but she didn’t complain, and nothing stole her joy and optimism.  She found satisfaction in simple pleasures like an email from an old friend, getting to know and love her caregivers, and reading her Bible.  Her love for Bill continued to deepen especially over the last few years. 

We are eternally grateful to God for the 91 years He gave our precious wife, mother, grandma, great-grandma and friend.  We will miss her terribly but rejoice that her best years are just beginning.  She is enjoying her Savior face to face and reunited with those who have gone before her.   Thank you Lord, for the life of Ella Louise Ransom.

I painted a bluebird on the box that houses her remains, for it reminds me of my mom's beautiful blue eyes, and the little bluebird family that lived on the porch of their Montana home. 

 "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."

Proverbs 31:30

Honoring my mom was a joy, 

because she honored the Lord with her life.

Gary's Prayers - "Help Us Laugh"

(Long after Gary gave up conversations, he would pray at meals.  I wrote down some of these prayers.)

On June 21, 2011 Gary Prayed:

"Heavenly Father - Help us laugh at the...(?)...  Thank you for the healthy food.  Help us not be concerned."

When I wrote this prayer down his language skills were really starting to fade.  But I'm pretty sure, he meant that we need to trust God and "laugh" at the circumstances in our lives.  That's the way he would have spoken.  Not literal laughter, but having the kind of trust that generates a peaceful, joyful, and contented heart.  Anyway, I really need to take my cues from him right now.  This is a demanding, busy, and sobering time in my life.  I need to "laugh" at the pathetic efforts of the Enemy to discourage and overwhelm.  I need to be grateful for God's provision.  I need to trust my heavenly Father and not be concerned because He is handling our struggles.   

"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not worth much more than they?"  Matthew 6:26

Knowing this gives me cause to rejoice, and not be worried.  

(Click here to read more of Gary's Prayers.)

"Ten Things About My Dad" by Sarah

Our daughter, Sarah, recently wrote to April and I with remembrances of their dad. She gave me permission to share them today.

Dear Mom and April,

 For a number of reasons, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I love so much about Dad.  So many thoughts were swirling around in my mind, I thought it would be nice to collect my favorites and get them written down. You both love him so much, I think you’ll enjoy thinking about these things as well.  God has indeed blessed us richly.  In these difficult days, I’m encouraged by Psalm 68:19 “Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation.”  He bears us up, He faithfully bears Dad up as well – sustaining and ministering to His soul in ways we can not. God has been so kind to us, given us so many sweet memories.  We have much to be thankful for. 

I love my Dad.  I am so grateful that God allowed me to grow up with such a Father.

There could be many more, but here are 10 things I love best about my Dad:

He is…

A godly Christian man -  FIRST and foremost, my Dad would describe himself as a sinner, saved by God’s grace.  This defines him best. So thankful for his Christian leadership.  He is a godly man - hungry for the word of God.  He’d sit at the breakfast table, Bible open, nearly every day.  It is a sweet memory in my mind.

A joyful man – enjoying life.  Life with my Dad was F U N!  He made our childhood so happy. Adventure, practical jokes, laughter… A treehouse with a zip-line so we could fly from the side yard, over the fish pond, into the front yard!  Fun times.  But even in the not-so-fun-times, during the trials of life, he kept smiling.  His face – filled with permanently etched smile lines proves it!  I’m thankful for my joyful Dad.

A working man - laboring with excellence, bringing glory to God in his work.  The slogan he chose for his electrical company was “service with a conscience.” He worked hard and he did it right!  He used his creativity at work and at home.  He’d embark on big projects that many would say “couldn’t be done” and then he’d go ahead and find a way to do it.  I often admire his attention to detail and the difficult tasks he would take on. He was a hard worker, but work didn’t dominate his life – he knew when to stop.     

A family man – investing time in his wife and daughters. This is a precious quality.  He spent TIME with us.  Not just quality time, but a quantity of quality time.  He took Mom on dates.  Even April and I got to go out on special dates with Dad.  I’m grateful.

A humble man – ready to serve, open to correction, ready to listen before speaking.  Dad was happy to serve behind the scenes without recognition. He didn’t seek attention and was content to do the menial tasks that not many people noticed.  He admitted his faults and shared his mistakes. He was humble enough to learn and gain wisdom from anyone who was speaking the truth – even when it was coming from someone younger than himself.  Even April and I were welcome to come to him and share a concern – and he would listen.  

A faithful man – with eyes and affections for one woman only.  His faithful commitment to Mom has always been evident.  Truly a one-woman-man.  His love, attentions, and compliments are strictly for her.  To him, she is the standard of beauty.

A bold man – unashamed of the gospel. He wanted everyone to know about God and their need for Jesus Christ.  I loved his license plate, “R U SAVED?” which prompted many gospel opportunities at gas stations while he was filling up his truck. Even in this final trial of life, his desire is to make much of Christ as he goes through the valley of the shadow of death.

A submissive man – submissive to God’s will for his life.  When trials came, he continued to trust the Lord, submitting his desires to the plan of God.  I’m grateful for this example. With Job, he would concur, “the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.”

A content man – grateful for all of God’s gifts.  Dad could make much out of little and did not make it his ambition to own the next new thing.  I often remember him reading one of his favorite books, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment. He finds satisfaction in God’s providence. 

A prepared man – ready to be with the Lord, eagerly anticipating His return. One look in my Dad’s Bible will tell any observer that he loved to study the book of Revelation and any passage describing the 2nd coming of Jesus…they are well marked and highlighted.  He’d often say “He could return today!” with a twinkle in his eye.  It was a real special treat to have this cheerful reminder spoken often throughout my childhood. His eyes have been fixed on eternity with His Savior for a long time.   

Thank you, God, for my dear Dad!

Sweet Times Cafe

Posted on the front door: Welcome to Grandma's Sweet Times Cafe.  Enter at your own dental risk.

Here's a simple, silly, idea for a little family theme party.  Last Friday night, we had our grandkids over.  I decided we should have a "theme" for the evening...

We have a mail slot right by the front door, where this sign was posted.  Ever since we've lived here, the little hands appear through the slot when the door bell rings.  This time, I placed chocolate chips in their hands. 

The four kids quickly discovered the evening was to have a "sweet" theme!  With dinner cooking, I started them on a scavenger hunt of sorts.  Nursery Rhymes with clues as to the whereabouts of hidden treats, were written on cut-outs from old magazines.  The older (Junior High aged) boys were nice to play along.  Their clues were harder. 

SEW A FINE SEAM...

Sweet, fruit bars were waiting to be found.   For instance:

"Pussy cat, pussy cat, wilt thou be mine?

Thou shalt not wash dishes, nor yet feed the swine.

But sit on a cushion and SEW A FINE SEAM,

And eat strawberries, sugar and cream."

The fruit bar was hidden away with my sewing machine in the closet. 

GRIND HIS BONES...

"Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum,

I smell the blood of an Englishman

Be he alive, or be he dead,

I'll GRIND HIS BONES to make my bread."

A food processor would be a good place to grind bones wouldn't it? 

After the game, I got dinner ready, while the kids played "Pounce."

Dinner Menu:

SWEET Potatoes

SWEET and Smokey Chicken

SUGAR Snap Peas

Raspberry Trifle for dessert

For the evening's entertainment, in keeping with the SWEETNESS, "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory."  Gene Wilder is always funny and extra odd in this one, and the Umpa-Loompas were, well, memorable.  Chocolate rivers, golden tickets, and a bunch of really bratty kids, had us all laughing.

It just takes one simple idea, and then you can build a whole evening around it.  Print a little sign to hang on the door, to let everybody know something fun is going to happen.  Come up with a menu, and maybe a game of some kind and a movie.  Tie it all together around the theme, and there you have it! 

Watercolor Journal - Walking the Planks

Inspired by the boardwalk, the ocean and the many wildflowers.

Moonstone Beach at Cambria is on the California’s Central Coast.  A view of the ocean from my window, inspired this painting, and I painted most of it right there on my mini-retreat, alone, two weeks ago. Moonstone Beach Drive runs along the bluff with the view on one side and the hotels on the other.  Cambria is our best, “close” place to make us “feel” far away.  It is a 4 hour drive from home that seems much farther.  The only man made thing between the drive and the beach side is a boardwalk (see it?) that runs the length of the beach on the bluffs, amidst sage, wildflowers and pines.  I’m guessing it was originally built to encourage people to stay off the natural landscape, which it does, but there’s more to it's story…my story at least.

2005 - Things were fine then.

I have walked this boardwalk with Gary before, and at those times gave it little thought, but on this solo trip, the wooden walkway was an inescapable connection to my husband.  Memories of other days rolled over me like the nearby waves.  Gary and I had walked along the bluffs many times.  If the day was cold and misty, we had coffee in hand.  If clear and sunny, we had sunglasses and trail mix.  It was always refreshing or leisurely or inspiring, but whatever it felt like, it was shared.  The wooden planks are frequented by runners and walkers, lovers strolling, surfers checking out the waves, tourists with binoculars hoping to see an otter or sea lion, and underneath are ground squirrels hoping for a treat.

November 2011 - Middle stage dementia, but still enjoying the walk.

We have been coming up here for many years.  We love it here.  Our daughter, Sarah and her husband Ryan, came along with us 2 1/2 years ago to help me with Gary.  It would be the last time for Gary and I to be here together.   I remember that during that trip to Moonstone, Gary enjoyed walking on the sand without anyone guiding him and at dinner, how much he enjoyed his salmon dinner fed to him by Ryan from across the table, as I sat next to him at Robin's Restaurant.  It was a very special time. 

Right now, at this moment, the waves are breaking in rhythm.  Someone is walking hand in hand along the bluff.  I’m happy for them.  I’m happy for us. 

Moonstone Beach, Cambria, California - Walking with the Lord and very sweet memories.

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My Mini-Retreat (Caregiver Care)

This week I did something I have never done before.  I took myself on a mini-retreat in search of a breath of fresh air, time to think, remember, create, and rest.  Everyone is busy, not just caregivers, but there is a daily weariness that I experience that is hard to explain.  The idea of leaving Gary for a couple of days, was not appealing until recently.  A couple of years ago, he would have been confused about my absence, but now he is unaware of the passing of time, or who it is that is caring for him.  Things have been much harder in 2014 and my attention is diverted in many directions in addition to the sad decline in Gary.  So, for several weeks I've been planning to take a couple of days off, and let the Lord take care of me.  I packed a good book, my watercolors, and my Bible.

Sunday

Sunday morning, Gary's caregivers arrived and I said good-bye.  It began with a beautiful drive.  I enjoy driving when there is no traffic, beautiful vistas and Keith Green's music playing.  Two of my favorite's are The Prodigal Suite, and Stained Glass.  I was surprised how many times I was reminded of former times, and in a way, Gary came along with me.  We were dating when we first heard Keith Green at Calvary Chapel in Costa Mesa.  His worship music was a big part of our early years, and still is. 

I arrived at 3:00 at Moonstone Beach in Cambria on the Central Coast.  Gary and I have stayed in several different hotels here, but The Fogcatcher Inn is our favorite. 

My adventures began with a brisk walk along the boardwalk along the bluff.  It was quite windy, and cool, but very refreshing.  How often I had walked hand in hand with Gary on the same boards.  But this time I was alone and it was ok. 

I took tons of photos.  Tried some "selfies," and shot scenes for painting reference and of course capturing the views to help my own memories.   

I walked along the beach too, scoping out a good location to paint the next day, and found a 3 pebbles to save.  Each time we went to Moonstone Beach, Gary and I would gather "theme" pebbles.  One year he'd look for jelly bean shapes and colors.  Another, it was all white, or all green or all brown.  They sit in jars in our sun room.  I must confess, it's not as fun gathering them, without someone to show your special "find" to. 

Painting reference

Back at the room, I worked on a sketch for the beach painting to be done the next day.  It is an amazing thing to have uninterrupted time.  Throughout my retreat, I kept thinking, "What?  It's ONLY 5:00?" instead of the typical "What?  It's 5:00 ALREADY?"  Here's a preview of the scene I was planning to paint "plein air" (outdoors). 

At dinner time I got a Tri-tip Sandwich to go at the Main Street Grill in Cambria and brought it to my room and saved half for lunch the next day. 

The evening's entertainment was the film, "Miss Potter" about Beatrix Potter starring Rene Zellweger.  I've seen it before, but somehow it seemed fitting for this occasion.  One of her comments as she was anticipating the publishing of her Peter Rabbit book was "We shall look upon it as an 'adventure'.  It is a very sweet story, and I related on many levels; especially her love of watercolors, and the outdoors and her losses. 

Monday

One of the reasons we love the Fogcatcher is the complementary breakfast!  It is not just danish rolls, mind you, it is the real deal, complete with sausage, eggs, waffles, and pastries.  Peets coffee and a tray to take it to your room if you want.  Now, about the room...Cozy, and facing the ocean, the view from here was better than the nicest restaurant. 

I had brought along "The Glory of Heaven" by our pastor, John MacArthur because I decided to focus my thoughts on Heaven this week.  I want to think about Gary's future (and mine).  A couple of thoughts on this...Since, as Christians, our "citizenship is in Heaven," (Phil. 3;20), we already belong there.  It's where we are going one day and we can benefit partially now, from all the bounty of Heaven.  Something else...To be "absent from the body is to be at home with the Lord!" So when we're in our earthly bodies, we are not at home with the Lord.  We are walking by faith not by sight.  One day, Gary will shut his eyes for the last time, and when he passes into eternal life, he will walk by sight, not by faith.  His faith will become sight! 

I spent the rest of the morning painting the view out my window.  I'm only including one tree because I'm allowed to do it however I want!  :) Here's the start of it.

The afternoon was spent browsing the gift shops and galleries in town.   This might seem odd, but it reminded me of Gary too.  He enjoyed looking in all the "cute little shops" as he called them.  We never came to the Central Coast without coming home with a new plant from a local nursery.  One favorite place in town, is an old house, complete with gardens in back, and each room in the house is a showroom.  The mud room is for gardening related gifts, and the kitchen is where they sell herbs, essential oils, and potpourri.  Out back there is a 'fairy' garden with cute displays.  This is where we first saw a Newport Fairy Rose bush.  It is an aggressive rose, and gets really big.  Gary bought one 15 years ago, at the same shoppe and planted it by out arbor out back.  in no time it covered the big arbor and was beautiful.  It was one of the things I hated to leave when we moved.  Seeing it again, made me miss Gary. 

In the late afternoon, the lighting was just right and the tide was low enough to go back and paint the outdoor scene.  I got set up in just the right spot, on the sand, and began the fun challenge of capturing the beauty and feeling of the place, while keeping up a pace to beat the encroaching waves and mist as the wind began to pick up.  I suppose I was out there for 90 minutes before snapping a couple more photos and calling it quits, planning to finish it up later. 

The day ended with another long walk and a good dinner.  This time, Asian Chicken Salad.

Tuesday

Breakfast. Reading about Heaven. Prayer. Painting.  Frequently I would start to think of doing something...such as going for a coffee refill and ask myself "Will Gary be ok if I go downstairs and get the coffee?"  "Oh, yea, he's not here.  Go ahead and get the coffee."  It's a big adjustment being 'on my own.'  One thing caught me really off guard and hit me hard.  I decided to wash the windows before heading out.  As I did, it reminded me how Gary loved to do that whenever we were getting ready to travel.  He took great pride in getting them streak free.  Silly, what makes you get emotional, but I really missed him right then, washing my car windows in the hotel parking lot. 

I stopped for one last long look at the ocean at the south end of the beach on my way out, and had a snack there.  I decided that I would like to do this again, maybe next year.  It would be nice to look forward to.  I was able to go to the same places Gary and I shared together, and enjoy myself.  It was a happy/sad time, but I know he would want me to be doing these things and that makes me feel bold about venturing out a little. 

Driving home, normal anticipation of being with my love again was clouded by the knowledge that he wouldn't be able to participate in my joy.  But in a weird way he does.  We are 'one flesh.'  My joy or sadness is his, and his is mine.  On the way home, I stopped for a late lunch in Solvang, which was OUR first stop on our honeymoon road trip 39 1/2 years ago.  I was facing more memories, and again, It was ok.   When I got home and greeted Gary I wish I could say he responded but he didn't.  I told him all about my time, away and maybe he caught some of it, but I couldn't tell.  I put the 3 pebbles in his hand, and helped him hold them for a minute.  Hopefully it brought back a good feeling for him like it did for me. 

"Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."  Psalm 23:6

Never Forget

I want to remember the "old" Gary. 

2004

One of my greatest fears is that when Gary is gone to Heaven, is that I won’t remember how he was in the past.  His strong body is wasted away, and there isn’t much left.  He looks so different.  His muscle wasting has revealed his skeleton, covered only by his skin.  His skin is easily bruised, especially on his fore arms where the slightest bump can cause a minor skin tear.   His remaining muscles can barely support his own weight and only with two helpers.  Shaving is difficult because his cheeks are so sunken.  His eyes no longer twinkle with an unspoken private joke.  They usually look right past me.  His voice is unused.  His attempts at speech are lip movement only.  His mouth is open all the time, causing his saliva to thicken and his mouth to get dry.   

Stealing a kiss on Valentines Day.  Three months ago.  He's lost more weight since then.

Gary is comfortable and content.  Except for meals, he is asleep.  His Dr. said that most people with Alzheimer’s at this stage are no longer eating.  Because he is a young Alzheimer’s victim, who had a strong body to start with he is doing better than most.  Most of his energy is going to digestion, organ support, and the disease itself, and so he is very, very sleepy all day.  He sleeps in the recliner from 9:00-2:00 and then back to bed for the rest of the day.  Swallowing is getting more challenging so food has to be just the right consistency for him.  Many meals are only partially eaten because he falls asleep.  It seems the final decline may be right around the corner. 

Sometimes I want to scream at the disease…“STOP THIS!”  It feels like a powerful train engine, slowly moving forward.  My attempts at jumping in front of it to try to hold it back would be useless.   Instead I am trying to make it a pleasant ride down the tracks for both of us.  I play his favorite hymns, swab his dry mouth with cool water, and remind him of the past with a familiar touch and voice.  I try to take care of myself too, with nourishment for my mind, soul and body. 

One of the reasons I write a blog and post old photos are to help my heart remember.  I saved a recording of Gary’s voice on a voice mail message several years ago.  I play it when I want to hear him talking.

I want to remember these Alzheimer's years too. 

Dear friends who are moving away this month came to say 'goodbye' to Gary and I.

They are rich.  They are precious.  In many ways more sweet than the 30 years before dementia came in the door.  Gary is still Gary.  It’s just that his brain and body are dying.  God’s promises are still true.  "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Jesus)  

I don’t want to forget the sights and sounds of this hard journey.  It’s all part of the bond and love in marriage, and joy of serving Christ together.  We are on our way to Heaven, both of us.  This world is not our home.  We’re just passing through mortality and one day will put on immortality.   Every part of this life is valuable and worthy to be remembered because the past, present, and future are all connected.  I don't want to "discount" the last few years as wasted.  I have the privilege of assisting my beloved Gary along his difficult way.  Along the way I get to observe some of the amazing things God is doing in our lives. 

"But having the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, 'I believed, therefore I spoke,' we also believe, therefore we also speak, knowing that He who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and will present us with you.  For all things are for your sakes, so that the grace which is spreading to more and more people may cause the giving of thanks to abound to the glory of God. 

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. (2 Corinthians 4)

I want to look forward.

For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look NOT at the things which are SEEN, but at the things which are NOT SEEN; for the things which are seen are TEMPORAL, but the things which are not seen are ETERNAL."  (2 Corinthians 4:13-18)

For we know that i the earthly tent (body) which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. " (5:1)

Life is a Continuum

It's not that hard to remember his past because it is tied to his present and future. 

Past - Gary's sense of humor directed at the important things in his life.  Even thoughts of life and death, reflected in this favorite book of his.  It's a collection of funny and serious epitaphs. 

Present - Now that he is nearing the end of his life, it seems appropriate to think about his life and the seriousness of eternal things. 

Future - One day he WILL be in eternity, as we all will.

He had a favorite epitaph in the book, that I heard him tell people about many times.  Gary is still with us of course, but I think would be appropriate to share today.   He has it highlighted...

I can't imagine seeing this on a tombstone, but it's so poignant.

May I encourage you...

• Record yourself sharing your testimony so your family will have your voice and story to remember.    We wish we done this with Gary.
• Ladies, nurture your relationship with your husband, and learn to follow his lead so you will be able to move confidently through a trial knowing what he'd want you to do.  Don't waste the years in complaining about trivia.
• During a trial, no mater how small or large, hang on tenaciously to God, trusting Him, knowing that there are future blessings in store, as well as good surprises along the way.
• Believers, let us learn more about Heaven and think on it often.  That is where we will be for eternity.  God has much to tell us about it in His word. "...they will see His face..." (Rev 22)
• Unbelievers, think about your future.  We don't know the number of our days as a mortal, but everyone will live for eternity in Heaven or Hell.  Make sure you give thought to this now when there is time.   To read more...

Watercolor Journals - The Secret Place

"The Secret Place”

based on “The Secret Garden,” by F. H. Burnett

“And the secret garden bloomed and bloomed and every morning revealed new miracles. In the robin’s nest there were Eggs and the robin’s mate sat upon them keeping them warm with her feathery little breast and careful wings. At first she was very nervous and the robin himself was indignantly watchful. Even Dickon did not go near the close-grown corner in those days, but waited until by the quiet working of some mysterious spell he seemed to have conveyed to the soul of the little pair that in the garden there was nothing which was not quite like themselves—nothing which did not understand the wonderfulness of what was happening to them—the immense, tender, terrible, heart-breaking beauty and solemnity of Eggs. If there had been one person in that garden who had not known through all his or her innermost being that if an Egg were taken away or hurt the whole world would whirl round and crash through space and come to an end—if there had been even one who did not feel it and act accordingly there could have been no happiness even in that golden springtime air. But they all knew it and felt it and the robin and his mate knew they knew it.”  From Chapter 25, The Secret Garden

Being pregnant with our first daughter, brought out the nesting instinct in me.  A hand-me-down crib required a coat of paint, bedding and a new mattress.  We chose yellow, because in those days, no one knew the gender until the baby arrived.  I made a Noah’s Ark mobile to hang above the crib. The cabinet received a new coat of varnish.  The drawers were lined with pieces of the green and yellow wallpaper and the shower gifts were placed inside.  Her room was warm, safe and ready. 21 years later she would leave her nest.  A few years later her sister would leave as well.  Now they have their own nests, and the cozy ritual goes on.  Getting ready for little ones is one of the greatest privileges in life.

Watercolor Journal - Closer and Closer

based on “The Secret Garden,” by F. H. Burnett

"Oh! look at him!" exclaimed Mary.

The robin was evidently in a fascinating, bold mood. He hopped closer and closer and looked at Ben Weatherstaff more and more engagingly. He flew on to the nearest currant bush and tilted his head and sang a little song right at him.

"Tha' thinks tha'll get over me by doin' that," said Ben, wrinkling his face up in such a way that Mary felt sure he was trying not to look pleased. "Tha' thinks no one can stand out against thee-that's what tha' thinks."

The robin spread his wings-Mary could scarcely believe her eyes. He flew right up to the handle of Ben Weatherstaff's spade and alighted on the top of it. Then the old man's face wrinkled itself slowly into a new expression. He stood still as if he were afraid to breathe-as if he would not have stirred for the world, lest his robin should start away. He spoke quite in a whisper.

From Chapter 10, The Secret Garden

A few weeks ago, my little granddaughter was excited to show me her friendly hummingbird.  She learned that if she sat very still, near the feeder, the hungry bird would come quite close.  It’s hard to be patient, but she lifted her hand and “froze” whenever he was near, and he hovered right there.  The little birds are a wonderful brush with wild things, the “magic” of our own secret gardens, and so we love them.

Watercolor Journal - Mary's First Friend

Based on “The Secret Garden,” by F. H. Burnett

“Mistress Mary went a step nearer to the robin and looked at him very hard. "I'm lonely," she said.

She had not known before that this was one of the things which made her feel sour and cross. She seemed to find it out when the robin looked at her and she looked at the robin….. Suddenly a clear rippling little sound broke out near her and she turned round. She was standing a few feet from a young apple-tree and the robin had flown on to one of its branches and had burst out into a scrap of a song. Ben Weatherstaff laughed outright.

"What did he do that for?" asked Mary. "He's made up his mind to make friends with thee," replied Ben. "Dang me if he hasn't took a fancy to thee."

"To me?" said Mary, and she moved toward the little tree softly and looked up. "Would you make friends with me?" she said to the robin just as if she was speaking to a person. "Would you?"   (From Chapter 4, the Secret Garden)

April at the Colorado River. 1981

How lovely to remember our children reading this story.  Now, our oldest granddaughter is reading about the same mysterious garden, and the robin who knew where it was.  Generations of children have played outdoors, laughed at the antics of the wild things, and imagined they were friends.  Grown ups are no different.  Ever try to entice a squirrel to come close with a peanut?  While hiking once with Gary, we came upon a huge bull moose.  The surprise and fear gave way to the realization that he did not mind us being there.  We weren’t exactly “friends” with him, but for a moment, he was allowing us into his wild world.  Thrilling.

Watercolor Journals - Behind the Wall

Since my robin note cards are making the rounds this Spring, I'm posting some of the musings these paintings have inspired in me.  I can't see a robin without thinking of the cheeky lil' beggar in The Secret Garden.  Enjoy!

Behind the Wall - original watercolor

“And delight reigned. They drew the chair under the plum-tree, which was snow-white with blossoms and musical with bees. It was like a king's canopy, a fairy king's. There were flowering cherry-trees near and apple-trees whose buds were pink and white, and here and there one had burst open wide. Between the blossoming branches of the canopy bits of blue sky looked down like wonderful eyes.

Mary and Dickon worked a litle here and there and Colin watched them. They brought him things to look at--buds which were opening, buds which were tight closed, bits of twig whose leaves were just showing green, the feather of a woodpecker which had dropped on the grass, the empty shell of some bird early hatched. Dickon pushed the chair slowly round and round the garden, stopping every other moment to let him look at wonders springing out of the earth or trailing down from trees. It was like being taken in state round the country of a magic king and queen and shown all the mysterious riches it contained.

"I wonder if we shall see the robin?" said Colin.”  (From Chapter 21 of The Secret Garden by F. H. Burnett)

Canada Geese in view.

I wonder the same thing each morning as I open my blinds.  I wonder if I will see the robin, hopping about looking for worms, or the two Mallard ducks who sometimes work their way along the golf course looking for breakfast, or the five Canada Geese who flew in and landed on the ‘green,’ disrupting the putts of some ladies last week.  Right now, I can hear a symphony of animal life.  It is evening, and the crickets and tree frogs are singing in the ravine, interrupted only momentarily if someone is walking a dog nearby.  There is so much to see when we look expectantly outdoors.  I must keep those binoculars handy.

"Just Breathe"

“Take a deep breath, Mom.”  That’s what my son-in-law, Ryan said to me the other day.  It was exactly what I needed to hear at the time.  The afternoon had been chaotic.  On my way back from my chiropractor, where I’ve been getting a series of treatments for a very painful neck, I got a call from my sweet mother, who was being taken to the hospital from her own doctor’s appointment, by ambulance.  Her doctor was rightly concerned about her escalating symptoms, and she needed a higher level of care, and better diagnosis of what was going on with her heart.

When I received the call, I knew several things needed to be done.  My dad, frail himself, would need someone to stay with him for the rest of the day and overnight.  Gary can’t stay alone either.  It’s a blur to me now, but I DO remember spending time with my dad, comforting and praying with him, being on the phone for a couple of hours trying to line up care for my dad, and Gary, and locating mom’s purse which did not make it to the hospital from the doctor’s office.  Just like the recent earthquake, the accompanying adrenaline rush and problem solving began. 

This makes me laugh.  I saw this on a recent outing.  Reminded me of my posture BEFORE the visits to my chiropractor, Dr. Sawyer in La Canada!  He has really helped my neck pain! 

Stressful things happen to everyone.  We try to manage the situation but it is hard to stay calm in the midst…  Ryan was here, helping out with my dad, and Gary that night, when he wisely reminded me to be calm and relax.  In recent weeks, my blood pressure has been acting up and I’ve been dealing with chronic headaches.  I’ve written about this before, but caregivers must be careful to do what they can to stay healthy.  The most common reasons I’ve heard for high blood pressure is stress and age.  Sadly, there’s nothing I can do about my age, and not much I can do about the stresses of life either.  It’s a fact of life that we are going to be assaulted from time to time with “troubles.”

I used to think Doctors were coping out when they blamed symptoms on "stress."  Not anymore.  When discussing my high blood pressure, my doctor brought up the burden of caring for Gary, and I said, "But I've been doing this for 8 years and never had any physical problems."  She answered, "Yes, but you're 8 years older now." 

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Mom and I at the Christmas Concert, 2013

Let me quickly interject that Mom is out of the hospital, and happily back home after a few days of testing and resting.  She is so precious to me.  I am grateful that God is keeping her great big loving heart going. 

 

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I don’t know for sure if my health issues ARE due to stress, but they certainly draw attention to my “full plate.”  Doctors are telling me to manage stress, friends are really concerned and people I barely know are asking me if I’m feeling ok.  (I must look tired or something.)  So, I’ve been looking at how full my plate has been lately.  What's on the plate?  Increasing moments of sadness over Gary slipping away from me and the changes in his body.  My dear parents relying on my advice and help.  My artwork and the associated deadlines.  The daily tasks of life.  All while not feeling well.  I am not trying to be a superhero.  I’m just doing the “next thing” that needs to be done.  Whether brushing Gary’s teeth, going for a MRI, shipping a greeting card order, or picking up a prescription for a loved one, we do what we need to.  It’s our joy and privilege to help those we love, and keep things running smoothly.  You know what this is like. 

So we make changes if we can, and if we can’t we live with acceptance and flexibility   For those of us who are Christians, we trust that God is with us in the midst and has a perfect plan with our lives which we don’t always understand.  I want to live close to His side, abiding with him and drawing on His strength.     

The apostle Paul had way more troubles than I do but this is encouraging. 

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; WE ARE AFFLICTED IN EVERY WAY, BUT NOT CRUSHED; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.” 2 Corinthians 4:7-11

Practical stuff I'm doing:

New succulents for the patio.

SAY NO - Accept that I can’t do everything I want to especially when I don’t feel good.  I had to cancel our monthly ladies bible study group that meets at my house, to be moved elsewhere.  Even though I "could" have hosted them, I needed to rest. 

SAY YES -  to a change of pace.  I’ve been sprucing up our little patio a little bit each week.   It’s been a very nice diversion. 

SLEEP -  I’ve been trying go to bed earlier.  Thankfully, Gary is a good sleeper, unlike many with Alzheimer’s so my sleep has been sweet lately..  “I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD sustains me.” Psalm 3:5

EAT HEALTHY -  Juicing anti-inflammatory vegies.  (Recently learned that stress causes inflammation.) I’ve been enjoying a spinach, carrot, apple, ginger combo.  The ginger makes it zippy but I like it.

Walking in our neighborhood.

RELAX AND BREATHE - Trying something new…diffusing essential oils.  Hoping they will help with the pain in my sinuses.  Our room smells SO good now.  (Eucalyptus, Peppermint and Lavender) 

EXERCISE - Even a 20 minute walk is invigorating. 

GO TO THE DOCTOR -  I’m having different tests and treatments to get to the bottom of these headaches.  So far, they are not abating, so will get a brain scan this week.

GET ALONE WITH GOD -  I’m talking to Him more than usual, (especially in the night) and enjoying my time alone with His word in the mornings.  Here's why... 

“We were made for Him, we are meant for Him, we have a correspondence with Him, and we will never come to rest until, like that needle on the compass, we strike that northern point, and there we come to rest - nowhere else.” D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Upside Down and Backwards

Ok, so it happened again.  Monday morning I went into protection mode.  As mommy or grandma being protective feels normal.  As a wife, not so much.  Here’s what happened.  I was sitting in the sunroom at 6:30 am, when the earthquake began, I got up and immediately went back into the bedroom to be with Gary.  In years past, I’d go to him so I’d feel safe by his side, but not today.  This time was different. 

5 Freeway at Newhall Pass - Northridge Earthquake 1994 (Photo by Gary)

Growing up in earthquake country, I am not shocked or panicked when one hits, but they still give me an adrenalin rush and spur me to action.  It’s amazing what you can process in just a few seconds.  “Is it stopping?  Is it strong?  Should I move to a doorway?  Where’s the safest spot if it gets worse?  Most of the time I end up feeling rather silly, because even though we do get occasional earthquakes here, they are not typically bad enough to cause any damage.  I did, after all, survive the 6.6 1971 Sylmar Quake (65 dead, 2000 injured), and the 6.7 1994 Northridge Quake (57 dead, 5000 injured).  I was 16 and 15 miles away, respectively.  For those, I felt justified in going to a doorway but our damage was limited to some dishes and pictures falling.  So on Monday morning, being 27 miles away from Westwood’s 4.4 earthquake, there really wasn’t much to write home about, but there’s always the adrenalin, and the not knowing how long, or how strong. 

Random Building, San Fernando Valley - Northridge Earthquake (photo by Gary)

In the middle of the Northridge Earthquake, I remember Gary taking charge, calling across the house to our daughters in the dark, telling them to stay in their doorway, (where they were hugging each other) and then stay in their rooms till they had shoes on because there was broken glass throughout the house.  Then he went out and checked the gas line, and gave us the all clear.  We all felt so safe with him watching over us.  But, this time, for the first time, I went into “protection mode.”  If it got worse I wouldn’t be able to move Gary anywhere quickly.  If the walls came crumbling down, we’d have to ride it out together, covered up with pillows and blankets.  I just knew I needed to be with him.  Not for my safety this time, but for his.  Now I’m protecting my husband because he’s defenseless. 

Gary and I experience many apparent “role-reversals” on a day-to-day basis.  It can be unsettling.  My world and how I function in it, has me feeling upside down and backwards.  Here’s how I’ve been working through the quakes of change again..

Gary has always been my protector.  No matter how we rearranged our bedroom furniture, where the sleeping bags were in the tent, or how hotel rooms were laid out, he always wanted to sleep on the side closest to the door.  When walking down a sidewalk, he’d move to the side nearest the street.  "The side of greater danger,” as he put it. 

2000 - Photo by April

One of Gary’s roles was to protect me.  God ordained that husbands “love their wives as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself up for her (the church).”  (Eph.5:25) What does it mean to “love a wife as Christ loved the church?”  Lots of things, but the main point, is to love sacrificially.  Jesus laid down His life for all who would believe and become His Church.  He died to protect them from eternal death.  For a husband to love that way, means he’ll protect her, get between his wife and harm, “take the bullet” for her, if necessary. 

My hero - 1976

So, I struggle with having to take on so many of Gary’s roles.  BUT, here’s the really great thing.  My primary role as wife is to be Gary’s HELPER.  When God made Adam, he decided that Adam wasn’t complete without a helper.  He made a suitable helper for man.  Woman.  (Genesis 2:18) Then he made them One, husband and wife.  What could be more HELPFUL than protecting a helpless husband during an earthquake? 

God never leaves me in a quandary.  His Word is all I need for navigation through this life and it does not contradict itself.

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Just a note to parents…I can’t resist saying that our culture is frequently promoting ideals that are opposite from Biblical roles.  Women are doing the rescuing of the men in many movies and tv, and though I have nothing wrong with a woman learning how to defend herself, and doing so, beware the constant message we may be giving to our young ladies through the media.  Ever After is a movie that comes to mind.  Cinderella rescues Prince Charming from the thieves, and then rescues herself from the bad guy. Prince Charming shows up to say “I love you” but that’s about it.  There are media examples on both sides, but just be aware of it.  More and more, the roles are disappearing all around us, regardless of the standard set forth in God’s word which has not changed.

Practical Joking 101 - A Good Laugh

Last Friday some friends and I were laughing over some of Gary’s antics.  A good laugh is good for me right now, in the midst of some ‘darker’ days.  Since a “cheerful heart doeth good like a medicine” here’s 10 more… 

As we were all posing pretending to be "interested in something" off to the left, Gary looked the opposite way, just as the photo was snapped to point out the "fake" pose of everyone else.  It's not that great of a picture, but I've chuckled every time I see it.   (Zion National Park, 1977)

1. Carefully place one of your dirty socks on your wife’s pillow once she’s asleep so it can be there all night.

2. Tie a smoke detector in the engine area of your friends’ car so when up to freeway speed, the rushing air, sets it off, but stopped when they pulled over to figure out what the sound was coming from. 

3. Place a brown, sheepskin on your back and while growling, crawl quickly into the kitchen where your mother is cooking dinner.

4. When packing your daughter’s sack lunch, make their P.B.& J. on a hot dog bun to embarrass her.

5. Put a “Bed Wetting Solutions” brochure on your friend’s car windshield in the church parking lot.

6. While your wife is standing in the front yard, wait till someone is walking down the street, and shout “HELLO THERE” in a woman’s voice and then quickly duck behind the hedge so your wife looks like an idiot. 

7. During your friends’ wedding reception, take a beanbag chair, and empty it in the “get-away” car, a VW. 

8. Leave the following message on your friend’s phone machine: “This is the clinic calling, and your report was positive.  Please make an appointment to come in as soon as possible.”

9. Bring a bag of black, plastic ants to weddings and nonchalantly place a few on the cake table.

10. Put a rubber band around the kitchen sink spray nozzle to depress the button, so when anyone turns on the water they will get a shower. 

There’s plenty more AND a bunch of “Retribution Pranks” played on Gary too, for another time.  If you remember one, maybe you’d like to share it, if you’re not too embarrassed, that is. 

Tidbits & Treasures 02/18/14

I Peter 1:11

Two words…

I was reading my Bible this week and ran across a note I’d written in the margin.   It says, “Cup & Glory.”    It’s from the book, “The Cup and The Glory” by Greg Harris.  The ‘cup’ of suffering is linked to the ‘glories’ to come, and this theme is traced through the Scriptures.  Dr. Harris was motivated to study this subject as a result of his own suffering.  I have jotted these two words multiple times over the years next to verses containing this theme.  Contrary to popular belief, it seems that the path to glory is laced with suffering, but the benefits are amazing.

He introduces his book like this.  “What follows are some of the lessons He (God) taught me from this, some of which I was most reluctant and slow to learn.  They are not necessarily for everyone, but rather are intended for those who are presently struggling with suffering in some area in their life, especially the painful perplexity of why God would allow them to experience such depths of misery, when we know He could remedy it whenever He wanted.  Hopefully, it will offer new insight into the graciousness of God as He lovingly uses suffering to draw us nearer to Him and to conform us closer to the image of Christ.”  Pg. 18

 “After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:10

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"A Fine Romance"  Susan's diary of her visit to the English Countryside. 

Inspired by Susan

Let me introduce you to one of my artistic inspirations, Susan Branch.  We both share a love of being home, hand-crafted art, journaling, and watercolor painting.  We both came to the craft late (well, I came back after a lengthy break).  Maybe you’ll have fun exploring her website if you like creative ideas, and ways to make your home cozy and beautiful.  She has great, simple recipes too.  Her blog is loaded with great photos, illustrations, and vignettes of life on Martha’s Vineyard Island.  www.Susanbranch.com

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A Sign

I’ve been reading about the Israelites’ great EXIT from Egypt.  Moses was hand-picked by God to lead His people out of their slavery and into the Promised Land.  He had his doubts and fears about this great task.  “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?”  Exodus 3:11

God answered, “But I will be with you, and this shall be a sign for you, that I have sent you…when you have brought the people out of Egypt you shall serve God on the mountain.” Exodus 3:12 

Moses had the assurance that he would encounter the presence of God, and THAT would be the sign that God had sent him.  After that, he was to lead the people in worship.  That’s all he needed to know…God would be with him and He was, leading, providing, and interacting with them all through the wilderness.  I want to live like that.  Believe, trust, obey, see God at work, and worship. 

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Looking good...my twin bed on left, Gary's Hospital bed with special air mattress. on right.  The lump at the footboard is the pump.

Medical Air Mattress…a solution for dementia patients and their spouses.

3 years ago, when Gary began to be much more sedentary he developed some bed (pressure) sores on his heels.  At first I didn’t know what they were, but basically they looked like big blisters.  This happens when the body isn’t moving enough and one part is pressing down on the bed for too long.  The blood doesn’t circulate there, and a sore can develop.  It can happen really quickly.  It’s even worse when there’s weight loss and less padding on the bones, so the pressure is greater.  This can be a huge problem, and it is not uncommon for dementia patients to die from systemic infections, that start with a pressure sore.  So, I began setting my alarm at 2 hour intervals during the night so I could get up and roll him over.  As you can imagine, this was exhausting and I began to do research to see if there was a better way to keep him protected.  Well, I found the most amazing thing!  I know some of my readers are caring for a loved one and will want to know about this.  It’s a circulating air mattress.  It has 15 channels of air, and a small motor which deflates and inflates these channels in sequence.  You can set the timing and duration.  It’s a twin sized mattress that fits his hospital bed (in fact is designed for hospital use) but for the first 18 months, I had it next to my twin mattress on our King box springs.  You never would have known it was not a regular King sized bed.  Now I have my twin bed pushed up to Gary’s hospital bed.  But the mattress has been chugging along, pumping air, 24/7 giving us both a good night’s sleep for about 3 years.  Pretty cool, huh!  Now that Gary has lost so much weight we have begun to change his position again when in a recliner chair, but in bed, his mattress keeps his skin from getting damaged.  It was about $1500, but if you already HAVE the pressure sores I think Medicare will cover some or all of the cost with a Doctor’s order.  I got ours after the sores were healed, but it was a very good investment and I think it has really saved Gary much pain and misery.  There are lots of choices, but here’s the one we got:  http://www.medicalairmattress.com/mdt24supradps.html  Good Night Zzzzzzzz……

For more info on adapting your home to care for a loved one...click HERE

Eight

Shortly after my last post on Friday, the 24th, something went haywire with the text.  You may have missed it, or shared it, and so, now that it appears the problem is fixed, I'm reposting.  The thing is, I had no other copy of it so I rewrote it.  Since I am a bear of "very little brain" I'm sure this new rewritten post is slightly different than the first.  Please don't feel the need to reread it, but I just wanted you to know.  I've deleted the messed up post and this will replace it.  I've saved the comments at the end of this post, and you may leave new ones if you wish at the end. 

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This begins the 8th year of Gary's Alzheimer's Dementia.  ONE PHRASE and ONE PHOTO from each year were selected to describe the progress as time marches along.  For those who have asked recently how Gary is, this will get you up to speed.  Please don't be sad about this.  Illness and decay are part of the human condition and there is much to be gained by facing reality head-on.  My comments on our journey are at the end. 

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2005 Grandpa, Grandma and Micah

 

2005

Blissfully Ignorant

As we held our most recent grandchild at the time, we had no idea what was ahead.

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2006 Grand Canyon

2006
Something’s Wrong

Gary and I both noticed little lapses in his short-term memory and slight confusion were gradually increasing.  Even with missed appointments, slowed thinking and getting mixed up about things he should have known, it never occurred to us that there was something physical going on.  We blamed it on his heavy workload.  His face was less expressive as the year wore on.

“I’m loosin’ it, Laurie!” he’d say.

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2007

2007

Dreaded Diagnosis

We began seeing doctors late in 2006 and after what seemed like an eternity of testing, Gary received the diagnosis, “You have an Alzheimer’s type dementia.”  This was a scary time for both of us, but getting an answer was a relief of sorts and we spent much time in prayer together.  In July, we closed our business, and Gary stopped driving.  He bore it well. 

He prayed, "Help us be responsible, and draw favorable attention to what You're doing here."

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2008 Griffeth Observatory

2008

Together Time

With Gary not working we were able to make lots of memories.  We took day trips around town, Huntington Gardens, a trip to Florida to see our daughter’s family, and we even watched a missile launch at Vandenberg.  We couldn’t be on the go every day of course, but Gary seemed to enjoy the activity.  It gave him a sense of getting up and getting ready to work.  He couldn’t stay alone anymore for his safety’s sake. 

During these months, he would occasionally forget who I was.  He thought I had a “twin sister” or something.  He kept a letter in his wallet that he wrote to himself, at the suggestion of, our pastor, Rick.  In it, he had stated who he was, who I was, and our family members.  (Someday, maybe I will write a post about this precious letter.)  He would read it, when feeling unsure.  It gave him his bearings and comfort.

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2009 Observing the projects

2009
Change

It became obvious that we needed to make a change in our living situation.  Our home, yard and koi pond were too much for me to manage, since Gary was now incapable of maintaining them.  Many friends and family members helped us get our home of 34 years ready to sell.  Gary enjoyed seeing familiar faces and watching the projects going on around our house. 

We sold Gary’s truck and ski boat and started having garage sales and selling Electrical inventory and tools.  He knew the truck was sold, but then forget, and get concerned when he couldn’t find it in the driveway and when he saw a white work truck, on the freeway, he’d say “I think I saw my truck.”  He really, really missed his truck.

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2010 Moving day

2010

Leaving the Familiar

In June we drove away from the home we lived in our entire marriage.  Packing and moving day went really well, and Gary rode in the U-Haul with our son-in-law.  It was a fairly easy transition for him.  He never asked about going back to our old home but one time he said he missed the fish pond.

2010 Our new home

We settled in to our new condo.  It would be easier for me, and safer for Gary.  He enjoyed the many walks around the neighborhood, stopping to pick up a twig or pull a weed in someone’s garden.  We took more day trips and Gary ran errands with me enjoying the car rides.  The change was stimulating for both of us, and yet Gary had some physical declines immediately after the move that never improved.  He wandered off 2 times but both were within my sight and easily resolved. 

Our church began an Alzheimer’s support ministry in the fall which we have been part of ever since.

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2011

2011
Help Needed

As Gary’s world was needing to become simpler, my functionality was being challenged.  The activity of busy grocery stores was becoming too much for him to handle.  In Trader Joe’s he once said, “This is hard for me.”  Neither could he safely stay alone, or sit in the car, or wait while I tried on clothes or went to the dentist.  So for several hours a week, I engaged a care giver and/or he went to the Adult Day Health Care Center.  This was all harder for me than him because I hated letting go, especially of his personal care.  But Gary was cooperative and made another adjustment.

We went to Florida to visit our family, where he enjoyed watching the grandchildren, but it was difficult in the airports and boarding planes. 

He still enjoyed working with a screwdriver, even if unconventionally, and manipulating “gadgets” such as nuts and bolts, or carabineers and pieces of rope. 

I began writing a blog about our life with Alzheimer’s.

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2012 Lombardi Ranch

2012

Remembering & Living

This year brought the end of the Adult Day Health Care.  Gary needed too much help for the staff to provide, so we increased the home care.  Gary’s occasional lack of balance resulted in a couple of tumbles and needed support when walking.  We worked hard to retain the memories, by making memory books for him and playing family movies.  Visits from old friends were met with a smile of recognition and sometimes a handshake.  There were many outings this year with Gary’s wonderful new caregivers.  He went to the mall, the lake, Vasquez Rocks, and the billiards room.  By the end of the year a wheel chair was brought along in case he got too weak, or too imbalanced to walk. 

In the fall, we signed Gary up for Hospice and he has been receiving those benefits ever since.  He has to be recertified every 2 months. 

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2013 Our 38th Anniversary

2013

Simplify

Gary’s physical problems increased to the point where I needed MUCH help moving him around the house and helping him walk.  We had a live-in caregiver for the first half of the year, and made many adaptations to our home to make things easier for both of us.

There were a couple of outings in the Spring, but most of the year was spent at home.  Gary became excessively sleepy spending most of the day in bed or a recliner.  Meals took 45 minutes due falling asleep during the meal.  Gary needed two people to help him go on a walk.

I did more and more things without him.  Family birthdays, church, etc., are too taxing for his tired body and mind.  I don’t think I will ever get used to going to things alone while he is home with a caregiver. 

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2014 A rare moment with eyes open.

2014

???

 I don’t know what this year will be like.  Right now, Gary only opens his eyes for a few minutes at a time and only a total of 30 minutes a day (on a good day).  He sleeps about 22 hours, only waking up (but eyes shut) to eat, and be walked to the shower, recliner or back to bed.  He is gentle and peaceful.  He rarely speaks.  Maybe twice a month, he’ll say a word or two.  They are ALWAYS pleasant words.  “Yeah.”  “U-huh.”  “I will.”  “Hi.” 

I may not know when he is hurting or what he needs, but we try to treat him the way we would want to be treated and entrust his care and comfort to the Lord. 

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8 years is a long time.

Will there be a 9th, 10th, 11th?  I don’t know.

Remember Gary’s prayer?  He asked God to

"Help us be responsible, and draw favorable attention to what You're doing here."

That is our goal.  You can’t miss the many good things that have happened because of these I difficult years.  Strengthened relationships, God’s love, kindness and care on display, joyful moments, and a greater longing for Heaven to name a few.  There’s a purpose for every day of those 8 years.  BUT, the days are wearying at times and mingled in are moments of crying out to God and asking Him “How much longer?”  

Thousands of years ago, Kind David asked the same questions that those in a trial (and their observers) ask. While he suffered, he turned to God for the answers.  He focused on who God is, and by trusting in God’s salvation, loving kindness and bountiful care he found joy.  Here is his song:

"How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,
And my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.

But I have trusted in Your loving kindness;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me."  Psalm 13

I have been there…asking “How long, O Lord?”  and thankfully, the Lord has strengthened my faith every time.  He reminds me of how he has watched over us, with love and kindness during these years.  A couple of books I’ve enjoyed are: “How Long, O Lord” by D.A.Carson, and “Treasury of David” by Charles Spurgeon (Chapter XIII) 

If I can encourage you in any way, send a private message to me via the CONTACT tab at the top or leave a comment on this blog.

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I PASTED THE COMMENTS FROM THE MESSED UP POST RIGHT HERE (you can leave new comments at the end...

Jerri Whitten DiPrima: 

Lori, it is amazing and obvious that God has chosen you and Gary to get help started in our church home for others walking this most difficult walk. I would love to have had help like this for my Mom and Dad. No one understands how much this disease affects not only the immediate family but old friends work cohorts, and others unless they know someone who has had to walk through it. I know you have been chosen because of your faith and strength and obedience to our Father but it is a heavy cross to bear... Gary's prayer is being answered and God is indeed faithful. Thank you.

Laurie:

Thank you Jerri. I just got back from our monthly ministry meeting. One of the things we talked about was the idea, from 2 Corinthians 4 that "this momentary LIGHT affliction is producing and eternal WEIGHT of glory" It was so encouraging.

I think as the baby boomers age, that this ministry will be all the more useful with so many folks coming down with Alzheimer's.

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terry pagach:

As believers, God's ways are mysterious but good. He glorifies Himself and comforts at the same time! Thank you, Laurie, for sharing God's steadfast love and constant faithfulness. Knowing that He didn't spare his own Son from suffering, we can expect it. I'm grateful that His word has sustained and strengthened you both! Mick and I love you both and pray for you both. May 2014 be the year our Lord returns and brings [all] his sons [children] to glory. Loving Him along with you because He first loved us! Thank you for pointing us to Christ...even in suffering.

Laurie:

Gary would LOVE for 2014 to be the year Jesus returns! Meanwhile, we pray for endurance and joy. Thank you for your sweet friendship and prayers.

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Glenna's Page:

Thanks for this encouraging summary of your journey as a couple, Laurie! We are praying for you all.

Laurie:

Love you too my dear! Say hi to the fam.

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Georgene Girouard:

I've been blessed to look back at your 8 years. My heart is amazed at the grace God has given you to care for your husband Laurie. Your commitment to him encourages me so much! God bless you... I mean REALLY bless you Laurie!

Laurie:

I DO feel blessed. Thank you. I'm constantly amazed at all God has done. I'm sure you could share a zillion things too, from your own journey.
Hope we get to meet one day.

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Lukas Vandyke:

Thank you for writing this. Your life is always an encouragement. =)

Laurie:

Thanks Lukas. God is faithful.

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clydetweets:

I'm encouraged by your steadfast faith in the Lord Jesus, Laurie. We are praying God would bless you with more confidence in Him. Have you ever read a book called Spectacular Sins? It's by John Piper and it's free as a .pdf from their website.

Laurie:

Thank you for your prayers. I'm assuming that "Spectacular Sins" refers to the curses on this earth, which include sickness and death, which are used by God, for our good, and to display His glory. Not to good with the roots, but guessing... "spectacle, or inspect, to see"?? Just wondering. Will have to check it out, because I like to read Piper. Thanks for the recommend.

(Sing) "Tum-Tum-Ta-Tum"...39 Years Later

Yesterday we celebrated 39 years of marriage... Family came over.  They showered us with flowers and cards.  We ate Tri-tip and BBQ Chicken.  Gary stayed in bed until everyone arrived at 5:00, so he'd be well rested for the evening and hopefully connect to the goings-on.  On the special days...it's easy to give in to pity parties, wishing things were different, but making a new memory is great medicine for me on Birthdays, Anniversaries, Christmas.  One thing I've learned over the last 7 years is that it is really important for ME to celebrate things REGARDLESS of Gary's ability to respond.  If he IS taking in his surroundings, then that's even better.

So, we had a party.  Gary opened his eyes once or twice during dinner while he munched his Steak, and Garlic Potatoes, but for the most part, he remained non-communicative.  Right after dinner we settled in by the TV so I could show everyone Gary's present from me.  I made him a DVD with the audio of our wedding with photos.  During the hours I spent putting together the video, editing the photos, and listening to the ceremony,  I was surprised by the effect it had on me. I was so happy, listening  to Gary repeating his vows.  I miss hearing his voice now.  I cried as I listened to the challenges laid out by our Pastor,  to love unselfishly no matter what.  I am faced with that choice every day.  My heart was flooded with gratefulness for 39 years.   Gary gave a gift to me last night too.  Toward the end of the video, he opened his eyes and watched for a few minutes, and even made some sounds, trying to speak.

Pastor Travaille prayed this poem for us.  God has truly answered this prayer for Gary and I. 

Oh Perfect Love

All human thought transcending

Lowly we bow in prayer before Thy throne

That theirs may be a love that knows no ending

Whom Thou forevermore doest join in one.

 

O Perfect Life

Be Thou their full assurance

Of tender charity and steadfast faith

Of quiet hope and gentle, brave endurance

With childlike trust that fears not pain nor death.

 

Grant them the joy that brightens earthly sorrow.

Grant them the peace that calms all earthly strife.

And may they ever know a faith in Christ as Savior

That dawns upon eternal love and life.

Through Jesus Christ our LORD

Amen

Dating - 1974

 Anniversary Celebration - 2013

Lots of people ask me "How do you do it?"  "How do you stay joyful?"  Let me say that there's nothing special about Gary and I.  We made a promise to God, in 1974 in front of each other.  We prayed for God's strength and blessing, and we meant it.  We didn't know that I would get cancer, and then that Gary would get Alzheimer's, but we knew that no matter what, God would expect us to keep our vows.   And you know what?  He's the one that has made it happen.  Gary and I are just sinners, saved by God's grace.  My joy is not natural.  It's from Jesus' love for me, and the fact that we are just passing through this life.  Our marriage was grounded in that love.  I posted the wedding DVD I made for Gary if you want to watch the photos and listen to the ceremony.  Hopefully it will encourage you.  The music sound is distorted, but you can hear Pastor T, and us just fine.  It's 28 minutes long.  At the end is a doodle type note Gary wrote me just for fun. 

Snowflakes and Me

Me and Snowflakes....we go way back.  Badger Pass at Yosemite sometime around 1956.  I still remember the big 3-D snowflakes on the front of the lodge. 

Here in Southern California the forecast for today is: 73 deg.  Wishing we had a bit more of a typical winter here, I got to thinking about colder Christmases.  My dad and I were recently reminiscing about the coldest skiing experience we could remember and we agreed that it was at Bridger Bowl, Montana.  He was in his 80's at the time.  We were riding the lift together and absolutely miserable.  The wind was blowing right through our ski clothes.  I don't remember my dad ever being cold.  Growing up, he always tried to make my brother and I feel warm, and never complained about being cold himself.  He used to let me put my hands on his coffee cup in the lodge to warm them up.  One time when my brother and I were kids I remember crying as my toes thawed out at the end of a fun day of skiing.  It was in Aspen, Colorado, and there were ice crystals in the air.  It looked like glitter as I looked out the car window enjoying the heater.  Even my painful toes didn't stop me from taking it in.  I still remember how beautiful it was.  When snowflakes drift down and land on your jacket, they truly are beautiful.  Only in the really cold, do they last very long once they land.  I'm so glad I had the opportunity to see snow on the many ski trips we took.  I gained a healthy respect for the cold too, and the powerful changes that come with winter.

These amazing macro photos of snowflakes will blow your mind.  These beautiful creations require very cold temps. In fact, the photographer has to work fast to capture them before they begin to melt.  For centuries, it's not been possible to see the detail.  How wonderful that now we can see the intricacies.  I was reminded of the passage in Job describing God's powerful hand in the weather and seasonal changes.

"God thunders with His voice wondrously, doing great things which we cannot comprehend.  For to the snow He says, "Fall on the earth," and to the downpour and the rain, "Be strong."  He seals the hand of every man, that all men may know His work." 

Ice crown by Alexey Kljatov

"Then the beast goes into its lair and remains in its den.  Out of the south comes the storm, and out of the north the cold.  From the breath of God ice is made, and the expanse of the waters is frozen, also with moisture He loads the thick clout; He disperses the cloud of his lightning."

Snowflake by Alexey Kljatov

"It changes direction, turning around by His guidance, that it may do whatever He commands it on the face of the inhabited earth.  Whether for correction, or for His world, or for lovingkindness, He causes it to happen." Job 37:5-13

Starlight by Alexey Kljatov

1977 Gary at June Mountain, California

As you can see...Gary's had a few encounters with the little flakes too. Most of them had melted into his mustache and we always laughed at this picture. Though we'll never be snow-skiing again, we're still enjoying some big snowflakes that decorate our room in this crazy warm weather.  I had no idea that one day I'd be using an old college art project as a memory aid for my husband, whom I hadn't even met when I created it.  I hang these seasonal banners in our room to remind Gary what time of year it is so the "Winter" sign is temporarily pinned on. 

I never noticed it before today, but I think I must have been influenced by the blue snowflakes on the ski lodge as a little girl! 

1972 College design project - 2 dimensional design for use in my home, constructed. This winter banner is one of four.

Hand appliqued felt snowflakes. 

Please know that Gary and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas celebrating the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ.

From our house to yours, we send our love.