Projects help. Tackling something I've been ignoring, feels good. Accomplishing a goal is satisfying. Being busy is a distraction from the sadness of Gary's absence. A couple of weeks ago I freshened up my bedroom with paint, a new bed, and pretty bedspread, I really had fun with this after so long with a hospital bed, and other medical things dominating our space. Making Gary's eulogy video was a big project which I loved doing. I guess necessary paperwork and legal things are a kind of "project" too, although, not my favorite. Social Security had to be contacted, other things had to be cancelled or changed. The loss of a spouse requires this kind of activity and there's been PLENTY of it. I've been pretty busy.
Most recently, the project was a memorial album to contain all the lovely notes, cards and photos from Gary's memorial service. After taking over my table for a couple of days, it is done. I enjoyed putting it together and reading some of those lovely and encouraging notes for the first time. It looks great and if you come over you will see it all finished on my coffee table.
...about staying busy...
It's easy to obsess about finishing something that is occupying my mind and house so sometimes the daily tasks fall by the wayside.
I am really enjoying my new freedoms and the opportunity to tackle some fun projects but after the project ends, with more time to think, I am sometimes hit with sad moments.
I am wondering how to balance my time. When I was caring for Gary, I knew EXACTLY what God wanted me to do with my time. But now...for the time being, I am "doing the next thing" and praying for direction for the big picture.
I am doing well, but don't feel as though I have found the balance yet. Staying "busy" is fun and distracting, but I want to be thoughtful like David. "Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me." Psalm 131 I get that it is important for me to take the time to feel but I want to feel with right perspective.
an example from last weekend...
I had a fleeting moment of sadness and got misty yesterday in our Fellowship group at church. I was passing the weekly sign-in list of names to my daughter, Sarah, and noted to her that her dad's name is no longer there. She made the comment that his name is on a much better list. That made me smile. She was referring to the Lamb's Book of Life. "He (Jesus) said to them....rejoice that your names are recorded in heaven." Luke 10:20. Good theology is encouraging in a time of grief.
