The title, “Facing Grief: Counsel for Mourners” perfectly describes what this little book is about. The author, John Flavel, a minister in the south of England, had already buried two wives and his parents when he wrote these pages. Facing Grief is not an autobiography, but his own tragedies, give legitimacy to the hard but helpful truths he put down on paper. There are minimal stories, or personal examples, but if you want to know how to mourn in a way that glorifies God, Flavel brings Scripture to bear on grief. The language is in the “old English” style, but this did not deter me. I soaked up the pages.
Everyone’s path of grief is different, and yet, for Christians, there are certain things we need to remember.
Here are a sampling of quotes from each section…
The difference between “moderate” and “immoderate” sorrow and the biblical parameters of both.
“We must allow the mourning, afflicted soul a due and comely expression of his grief and sorrow in his complaints to both God and men….There is no sin in complaining TO God, but much wickedness in complaining OF Him.” Flavel sites David in the Psalms as an example of the right way to grieve…”I poured out my complaint before Him; I showed before Him my trouble. When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then you knew my path.” Psalm 142: 2-3
Sorrowing can cross the line and become sinful.
“Our sorrows may then be pronounced sinful when they deafen our ears to all the wholesome and seasonable words of counsel and comfort offered us for our relief and support.” I myself have been guilty of this. On more than one occasion, I’ve said to dear ones, “You don’t understand!”, hurting them, and missing out on the comfort I needed and would have truly helped.
For the unbeliever, sorrow can be a good thing.
“This affliction for which you mourn may be the greatest mercy to you that ever yet befell you in this world…Why this is sometimes the way of the Lord with men: ‘If they are bound in fetters, and held in cords of affliction; then he shows them their work, and their transgressions that they have exceeded. He opens also their ear to discipline, and commands that they return from iniquity.’ Job 36:8-9”
There are many, many comforts for believers. (This is the largest section of the book.)
“Always remember that, however soon and unexpected your parting with your relations was, yet your lease was expired before you lost them, and you enjoyed them every moment of the time that God intended them for you…Oh, if this had been done, or that omitted; had it not been for such miscarriages and oversights, my dear husband, wife, or child had been alive at this day! No, no, the Lord’s time was fully come, and all things concurred and fell in together to bring about the pleasure of His will. Let that satisfy you: had the ablest physicians in the world been there, or had they that were prescribed another course, as it is now so it would have been when they had done all…He who appointed the seasons of the year appointed the seasons of our comfort in our relations; and as those seasons cannot be altered, no more can these. All the course of providence is guided by an unalterable decree; what falls out casually to our apprehension yet falls out necessarily in respect of God’s appointment. Oh, therefore be quieted in it. This must needs be as it is.”
