Watercolor Journals - Two Lambs

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures

He leadeth me beside the still waters

He restoreth my soul. 

He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

 

Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.

Thou annointest my head with oil,

My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life,

And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Amen." 

David's 23rd Psalm

I'm just a stupid sheep, in desperate need of a shepherd.  Hungry. Thirsty.  Lost.  Fearful.  Hurting.  Empty.   So needy.  BUT my Shepherd, so kind, brave, and good, bought me for His very own, in spite of my condition, and now with David I can say goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life!

My Jesus is ALSO called a sheep, but He is not at all like me. 

"...you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold... but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ." (1 Peter 1) 

Like a precious lamb, pure, and without blemish, but not helpless, He willingly went to the cross to pay the penalty of death for sin, for me, as worthless as I was.  

That's what I'm most joyful about.

  

You know what they say about rabbits...

Yep, bunnies multiply like crazy in the Spring.  That's especially true here in Friendly Valley.  In fact, they're all over the lawns, come Summer.  I've already seen some footprints near our front yard.  Well, my little Boochie Bunny, has been reproducing too.  I am excited to be able to share my latest painting with you all, in the form of note cards.

Spring Bunny Note Card

He's available at my Etsy store as an individual card:  Spring Bunny Note Card
Or in sets: Spring Bunny Note Card Set of 4

Spring Garden Note Cards

I had fun choosing 3 more Spring-Themed paintings to join Mr. Bunny in the Spring Garden Set: 
Spring Garden Note Card Set of 4

I've been looking forward to creating these note cards for several months, and am so pleased that they are finally ready.  My wheels are turning and there will be more to come.  Many thanks to our good friends Steve and Denise for the idea, and their encouragement in this direction. 

"Boochie" Bunny

“Boochie”

More about my plans for this bunny painting in another post.

In case you were wondering, my latest watercolor is "boochie."  This little bunny is "boochie" according to my granddaughter.   She has coined this word which is defined as follows:

Boochie is an adjective that describes a person or animal.  They must be small with chubby cheeks, and have a cute face.  So, some babies are boochie, as are some small animals.  Many baby animals qualify as well, such as baby skunks, raccoons, chipmunks, penguins, seals, and of course, bunnies.  Boochie, does not necessarily mean "soft", and in fact may even be prickly, as a hedgehog or porcupine.  (as long as it's cute)

The first time she used the term was when she first saw her little cousin.

 He takes after his mother, who was also boochie.

April (one year old)

Last week, when she was beating me at the Mother & Baby Animal Memory Game, she "schooled" me on which ones were boochie as well.

All babies, except the mama bunny who is also boochie.

Beating Grandma at Bob the Builder Memory Game (Why do I keep these humiliating games around?)

And just because I couldn't resist...here's some more of my boochie grandson!

Happy Springtime everyone!  

"This is the day that the Lord has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it!" 

Psalms 118:24

Coconut Oil vs The Big Bad Rx Companies

It's easy to get a bit overwhelmed with all the "Alzheimer's" information on the internet.  I really appreciate my friends sharing info with me, since my time is so limited, and they do much of the "sorting out" of what's important.  BUT, sometimes I feel guilty for not giving Gary enough coconut oil, cumin, saffron, Vitamin D, dropping the statins, etc, etc, etc. It could be a full time job keeping up with all the latest, deciding what will help, and then implementing things.  The problem is that though all the testimonials are likely true, there are many reasons someone can improve.  "Hope" for one thing.  If an Alz. patient is depressed, then having hope can be a huge help in lifting the depression, which also causes cognitive impairment.  Another thing that concerns me is that lots of folks on the internet, say their loved one's A.D. was turned around because of some diet change.  Did they really have A.D.?  Was it diagnosed?  There are MANY things that cause cognitive impairment and dementia.  Depression, lack of sleep, mini strokes, brain injury, etc, etc.

When I was buying Coconut Oil the other day, someone asked me if it helps.  I said, "I don't know, but it can't hurt and it seems to help some people."  I have no way of comparing Gary "with coconut oil", to Gary "without coconut oil".  I have tried most of the popular "natural" remedies for dementia (for weeks, sometimes months), and never seen a change for the better.   Unfortunately, the drug companies are the ones with the money to fund widespread testing, so the drugs get tested and the nutritional things don't.  Therefore, we are left with testimonials, and circumstantial evidence to base our decisions on. We live in an age when there are MANY resources, and we can know about them because of the internet.  We DO use medications which have been tweaked and fine-tuned by Gary's excellent neurologist, a reseacher at USC.  That is the course we have chosen to take.  If others elect to avoid them, hopefully they do so, because their loved one would want it that way and that is the best course "for them".  I can't measure how Gary would have been without the meds, but based on research, that has been conducted over many years with many people, the "test groups" that were on these meds did better overall than those without.  After 6 years into this journey, I strongly believe that no one should look down on another because of their philosophy of treatment. 

Many folks have mentioned Dr. Mary Newport's research into Coconut Oil recently.  Actually a friend told me about her several years ago, and I occasionally check her blog.  ( Dr. Newport's Blog ) Her research into Medium-Chain-Triglycerides seems very thorough, and  I have no doubt that her husband has improved since the daily regimen of Coconut Oil but my strengths are not in the area of nutrition or chemistry.  I am better at making memory books for Gary, and playing hymns for him when he is "stressed or fatigued".  Some of my friends ARE good with understanding nutrition and so they will care for their loved ones with more of an emphasis on diet.    Meanwhile, I continue to cook with Coconut oil, and give Gary the chocolate/coconut oil fudge snacks.  Good thing he loves coconut.  In fact, he used to enjoy buying a coconut, and then busting in to it, digging out the coconut meat and drinking the coconut milk, so even though he doesn't say so, I think he must enjoy all the coconut in his diet.

I'm trying a new recipe today for Double Coconut Muffins from SmittenKitchen.com.  Here's a link:  Double Coconut Muffins

A woman's got to know her limitations #3: Five "W's"

Limitation #3: KNOWLEDGE

The Latest Mystery

Who? Gary
What? Inhale...hold breath...exhale with rhythmic interruptions (like throat clearing, but not) with a pained expression and a spike in blood pressure
When? Mostly in the afternoon or evening and at bedtime...when fatigued, until he is sound asleep.
Where? Anywhere, but always when going to bed

I can answer all but one of the fact gathering journalism questions I learned in high school. 
Why? 

Ultimately it's because Gary has Alzheimer's Disease, but as to WHY this particular symptom is happening, I'm in the dark.  Gary can't tell me what it feels like, or why he does this when he's tired.  

Not everyone with A.D. does this, and in fact neither of his Doctors have seen it before.  It seems to me that "why" is the most important question to ask, because if there is a physiological cause, perhaps we could remedy it, to make Gary more comfortable.  I understand that there are many, many symptoms of dementia that are unexplainable, but that doesn't take away my "quest" to understand this one.  His other behaviors don't seem to make him uncomfortable like this one does.  (Just try holding your breath for 10 seconds, and then let it out slowly in short bursts.  Carry on for 10-15 minutes, if you want to see how tiring it is.)  Once he falls asleep, he goes back to normal breathing the same as when he is awake and rested.  The only thing I've found that shorten's the time, is playing instrumental hymns.  I think his mind focuses on the tunes he is familiar with, and he breathes more normally and falls asleep. 

NOW, please...I'm not sharing all this to get everyone worried or send you all on a hunt for answers.  Gary's doctors say it's not cause for alarm and doesn't sound like sleep apnea, because he doesn't "gasp for air".  Even so, I sometimes have a hard time pulling myself away from Google in my search for information on this behavior.  It remains a mystery to me. That is the point of this post...many things in life are mysteries. 

This morning I was reading in Genesis 36-46 about Joseph. Here's what stood out to me in the narrative.

•  Because of his brothers' jealousy and hatred, they nearly killed Joseph, and ended up selling him to some traders who took him to Egypt. KIDNAPPED!  SLAVERY!
•  Next, he became the property of Potiphar, the captain of Pharoah's bodyguard.  But the Lord was with Joseph, so he became a successful man and trusted to be the overseer of all that Potiphar owned, but Potiphar's wife was chasing after Joseph.  When he rejected her sexual advances and  "fled" from her presence, she falsely accused him of rape.  This landed him in prison...unjustly.  FALSE IMPRISONMENT!
• In prison, the Lord was with Joseph and extended kindness to him.  Again, he was put in charge of things.  When a couple of Pharaoh's officials landed in jail too, Joseph helped them out by correctly interpreting their dreams, but when released instead of helping him in return, by reporting to Pharaoh, about Joseph's kidnapping and unjust imprisonment, he was FORGOTTEN!

Was Joseph a victim?  A dupe?  God's pawn?  There were many times when Joseph's tribulations could have logically ended...One brother wanted to rescue him, but didn't get there in time.    Potiphar should have believed Joseph, since he had proven his character already.  Pharaoh's official could have remembered Joseph's unjust imprisonment. What must Joseph have thought?  Did he doubt that God was hearing his prayers? 

• Two years later, Pharaoh had a dream...It turns out that none of his "magicians" could interpret it, so that's when the official, who had been in prison with Joseph, remembered him and told Pharaoh that he knew a guy that could correctly interpret dreams.  TWO YEARS!
• So, NOW Joseph is released to come interpret Pharaoh's dream which has incredible significance for the entire country of Egypt and the surrounding lands.  There would be 7 years of prosperity, followed by 7 years of famine.  Joseph's suggestions about managing the produce, landed him a position of authority in Egypt..."So Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Since God has informed you of all this, there is no one so discerning and wise as you are.  Pharaoh said to Joseph, "See I have set you over all the land of Egypt."  STRATEGIC POSITION!
• When the famine struck, Joseph's father, Jacob, back in Canaan, heard there was food in Egypt and sent his sons to buy some and bring it back.  Joseph of course recognizes his brothers, but they don't know him, and after a series of fascinating encounters, reveals himself to them, and brings his entire family to live in the best land of Egypt at Pharaoh's invitation. 
• Joseph said to his brothers, "I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt.  No do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.  For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are still five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvesting.  God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant in the earth, and to keep you alive by a great deliverance, no therefore, it was not you who sent me here, BUT GOD..."
• Even though the famine could have wiped out God's chosen people, the nation of Israel was preserved.  "Now Israel lived in the land of Egypt in Goshen, and they acquired property in it and were fruitful and became very numerous."  All because of a young guy being hated by his brothers.  
• Years later after Joseph's father died, the brothers worried that Joseph would seek revenge.  His response to them was reassuring, and made an important point about God.  "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result to preserve many people alive."  Genesis 50:20 

There are times that God puts a limit on our understanding.  He is Creator.  I am created.  He has full knowledge about everything.  My knowledge is limited!  God did not "rescue" Joseph until the time was right...Pharaoh needed to have his dream.  Joseph needed to be in charge of the food during the famine.  God was at work saving the nation of Israel from destruction again.  He had promised to make a great nation of Jacob's descendants, and He was working out His plan.  I believe the providence of God is the greatest miracle of all.  God is using the "free will" choices of people every where to work out His plan, all the time.  When he was kidnapped, falsely accused, imprisoned, and forgotten, his knowledge of the plan was limited.  What a thrill it must have been for Joseph to at last see the plan unfolding.   

When I am unable to understand why Gary has strange behaviors, that seemingly make him uncomfortable, and I am not given the key to unlock them, I too am limited.   BUT!  I worship the exact same God that Joseph did.  He loves Gary, and He loves me.  I know that He is good and He is always at work. He may not reveal the details of His plan to me, but better yet, He reveals Himself through His word, and I see His character displayed in His care for us!  Of course I will continue to monitor Gary's latest symptoms, try to see what can be done to help him, and do what the Doctor's suggest, but I am not going to fret about them.  I know where this disease is headed, and so for those of you who love Jesus, I would ask for your prayers for Gary's comfort, and my peace.  Meanwhile, the narrative about Joseph, reminds me that the hand of God at work in the lives of men, God keeps His promises, gives us the strength to be faithful during trials and wants us to be closer to Him. My limited understanding of the "created", is the pathway to knowing the Creator.  This comforts me.

Paul prayed for the Colossian believers that they "would be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God strengthened with all power according to His glorious might for the attaining of steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in light."(Col. 1)  Sounds like Joseph, doesn't it? 

"A woman's got to know her limitations" #2: Rice in a basket

Continuing the series on limitations, here's a fun one...

Limitation # 2: POINTS

I don't know what it is about visual aids with me, but I need to "SEE" things in order to understand.  I have been needing to get rid of some excess poundage, for some time, and decided that I needed a good motivator.  SO, knowing I needed to loose some weight, I bought a large bag of rice at Stater Brothers.  I was in shock to feel how heavy it was!  REALITY CHECK... I would NEVER voluntarily strap that on my back and go about my business.  BUT I had been willingly walking around with it every day for several years!  SO, when I got home, I measured 1 pound of rice into multiple ziplock baggies.   Well, you guessed it...when a pound is lost, a bag of rice goes from the basket to the jar.  When I need motivating or encouragement, I pick up the basket to see how much I have left to loose.  The jar is nearly full, I'm happy to say, and the basket is more than half empty.

I have done LOTS of different kinds of diets, but I have really been enjoying the Weight Watchers plan online since January 1st.  No foods are off limits, and the point system is calculated for you for just about every possible food.  If it's not in their online list, you can fill in the fat, carb, fiber, and protien content, on the website's calculator, and find the point value.  You are given a set number of points for each day, based on how much weight you want to loose, and also a weekly amount that can be used anytime you want in one week, so Grandkids birthday parties, can be enjoyed, and an occasional cookie, or bowl of chips.  These "treats" are fun to look forward to.  I think this kind of a diet is really good because it helps retrain good habits, and choices.  If you choose to blow all the points on a hamburger and fries for lunch, you're going to be very hungry at dinner, so best to choose something more nutritious.  Now an occasional hamburger IS ok, but only within the points you've been given, so hold the cheese please, and maybe cut it in half, and split the fries with someone.  You get the idea.  Instead of the big bowl of ice cream, limit it to 1/2 cup.

Of course exercise is encouraged, and so I have been brisk walking 3 times per week, when Gary is at the Adult Day Health Care.  20 minutes earns 2 points, which can be traded for 2 points of  food, or not.   I like to use that time to pray and enjoy our beautiful Friendly Valley, or Bridgeport Lake in Valencia.

Bridgeport Lake

Friendly Valley

I've been enjoying my food more, the flavors, and the seasonings.  I feel more energetic, and am slowly regaining the use of a few items in my closet.  2/3 of the rice bags are already in the jar, and 1/3 are still in the basket, so I'm not done, but I am looking forward to new habits forming.  Lifestyle change. 

So, along with budgeting TIME,(see last post), I am also budgeting POINTS.  I've got a few more limitations I'm going to share with you in upcoming posts, so stay tuned!

"...do you know know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?  For you have been bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body."  1 Corinthians 6:19-20

"Whether, then you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."  1 Corinthians 10:31 

"A woman's got to know her limitations" #1: Rocks in a Jar

"A woman's got to know her limitations" is a series I'm starting.  Do I sound like Clint Eastwood?  I hope not.  Anyway, I've been thinking about constraints for several weeks, and decided to comment on the current limits in my life.

Limitation #1: TIME

To quote Jim Croce..."If I could put time in a bottle..." well, more of that later, but right now I just want to put some of our Moonstone Beach rocks in a jar...

Empty jar and collected stones

They don't fit...RATS!

OK...let's get organized.

SUCCESS!

"What's my secret?" you ask?
You must load the jar in descending order.  If you start with the small pebbles there will inevitably be no room for the larger stones.  First load the big ones then finish with the little ones.

When Gary was first diagnosed with A.D. his Dr. gave me a book for caregivers called The 36 Hour Day.  I would LOVE to have a 36 hour day and the appropriate amount of energy too because this is a busy season of life for me.  (I'll spare you the details, because many of you are in busy seasons as well, and I'm sure you understand.)  There used to be a time when Gary would help me sort it all out, being very logical, and would help me decide what tasks were most important.  Now he rarely speaks so I have to rely on what I think he would say.  I'm sure he'd tell me to do the most important things first, so they would be sure to get done, and let the less important things sort themselves out.

I never get everything done that I want to, and never will, but I'm comforted by the fact that there is always enough time to do the things God wants me to do.  I want to spend the 24 hours He has given me making a priority of the things God considers most important.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33 


"Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise, which having no chief, officer or ruler, prepares her food in the summer and gathers her provision in the harvest." Prov. 6:6-8

And now...for something completely different:   

click here for "Time in a Bottle" video courtesy of the Muppets

I'm smiling just thinking about it...

Watercolor Journals - Sand

 I can almost taste the salt in the air, as the persistent wind blows the sand around.  Along the fence, the little seeds have a chance to settle, and grasses grow in its shelter.  Even though raised in Southern California, our vacations were usually in the mountains, not the beach. (Something about the sand getting tracked into the car…at least that’s what my little girl’s mind remembers.) There was one camping trip to an Oregon beach though. It still stands out as so different than the other camping trips.  I just loved running down the sand dunes with my brother, and being surprised at how the sands overtook pine trees, and mounded up at the sea, only to be rearranged later, to a new location.  Even as a young girl, my senses were impressed.  I will never forget how it felt between my toes, warm in the sun, cool underneath, and how I felt slightly out of control joyously running down the dune.  I’m so glad my parents chose at least one beachy experience for our memory banks.

This monogram was commissioned as a gift for the "Hills" who live in South Florida a short distance from the Atlantic.  May their "beach" days be sweet as well!

Merry Christmas Gary!

Gary is a man who works with his hands.  He enjoys holding and grasping things.  He loves to keep his hands moving, working, exploring.  Gadgets, pliers, key rings, and, increasingly, fabrics.  He has always appreciated nice textures.  I remember walking through department stores with him, and how he would feel the soft fabrics hanging on the racks.

These days, it seems his fingers are covered with velcro.  If he is near a towel bar, he clings to the towel.  If you are helping him dress, he clutches the t-shirt, jacket, or sweater.   I believe he feels secure when holding on to something.  Then he eventually starts manipulating it and seeing how it feels.  He'll pick up the kitchen towel and "pleat" it or fold it, watching how it lays against itself.  If you try to remove it, that's when the clutching begins. I wanted to find him a small "therapeutic" texture quilt so he would have something to hang on to, or enjoy while sitting.  

You can find plenty of  "tactile" things for little babies, but they are juvenile looking.  Many "therapeutic" items are feminine or too complex, etc.  SO I decided to make a unique little quilt specifically for Gary.  It was his Christmas present.  With Alzheimer's Disease, you never know how something is going to be received, but I couldn't have been happier with his response. 

I hope this quilt can be adapted for other A.D. patients, and maybe the close up photos can give a better idea of what I did.  I just kind of made it up, so there's no pattern, but basically I bought the minimum (6") strips of fabric, and I bought them all off the clearance table at Joanne's.  I chose a slightly heavier backing fabric, that had several colors, which I used for the color choices.  I tried to include as many different textures as I could.

Some of the seams have a separate fold sewn in so he can feel the "edge".  The width of each strip is 2" with 1/2" seams.  The over all size is a 26" square.  The boarder is the backing material.  I would recommend using similar weight fabrics, and I think it will need to be dry cleaned, because I am certain all the fabrics do not have the same washing instructions.  When done, I top-stitched around the edge of the border where it joins the strips.  The whole thing cost about $10. 

Ferns and Hydro-Therapy

This painting was ordered as a gift for a beloved mother who has a green thumb and has kept many ferns which were passed down in the family over many years.  Designing the painting was particularly fun for me because of my own memories of the multiple types of ferns I was surrounded by  for 30 years.

In Gary's garden he had a series of outdoor "rooms."  Each area was a different theme.  The back yard was tropical, with a koi pond, palms, and a cabana, and the front yard had woodland plants.  When you walk through the front gate, underneath a large buckeye tree, planters with ferns and azaleas were at your feet.  Because there are ferns that live in forests AND the tropics Gary used ferns as a transition from the woodland to the tropical areas.  

On the wall of our house he grew a "staghorn fern" along with "maidenhair" ferns.  These flourished with the "drip system" which was activated with the sprinkler timer.  On a typical day when he arrived home from work he grabbed the hose in the front yard and watered to "unwind" from the day.  No wonder the ferns were so lush there.  Our friends, Greg and Diane, called it his "hydro-therapy"! 

Watercolor Journals - Reflections

I found it interesting that the process for creating a scene with water in the foreground had a few parallels to life.  I really get time to daydream and think when painting, because I choose a time when the house is quiet.  When I finished all but the water, I decided to "ripple" the water a bit, because I didn't want the exact "mirror image" reflected in the photograph I was using.  "Too perfect" sometimes is not even believable.  You know, like some vivid sunsets; the kind you photograph and say "It doesn't even look real!"  So, while painting these reflections, I was thinking that when something disturbs the surface of my life, I can still reflect the peace and joy that's really there, deep within.  (Of course my analogy breaks down, because in reality, it's often the storms of life that reveal the depth of character in a person, not the perfect sunny days.)  But anyway, the point is, when you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see?  What does your life reflect?

I confess that I often let the cares and troubles of this world crowd out the beautiful image of my Savior who resides within me.  It's not the "trials" of life that "break up" the reflection, it's my sin.  This side of Heaven, my "reflecting ability" is limited.  Thankfully, Christians are being conformed into the image of Christ, so there's hope for us.  As we remember the birth of the sinless Son of God on earth today and tomorrow, may I wish you all a Merry Christmas!  "He (Jesus) is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn (premiere one) of all creation." Colossians 1:15.

My Road to Troas

This week has been characterized by God saying "No" to my plans. I did NOT get to order 2 Christmas gifts at a great discount.  I did NOT get to finish a painting when I had hoped to.  I did NOT get to keep my Chiropractor appointment.  That's been a little disappointing, but I am glad I had read Greg Harris's book The Cup and the Glory a couple of years ago.  There's a great chapter in it called "The Road."  From Acts 16, Dr. Harris explains how Paul set out to do several things, (GOOD things), and the Lord stopped/blocked/hindered him from doing so. Instead of Asia and Bythinia to minister, he ended up going on a 500 mile mountainous trek and found himself in Troas.  Early this week I reread Acts 16 in the Bible, and "The Road" chapter in the book.  Concerning his plans, Paul was "forbidden by the Holy Spirit"..."the Spirit of Jesus did not permit them..."  God's plan was for Paul to get to Troas.  That led to Macedonia, and ultimately, the writing of Philippeans!  Here's a few quotes I love from Greg Harris:              

"While a 'no' from God will not tell you where, it will tell you where not."G.H.

"Instead of 'no' highlighting deficiencies and limitations on our part, we can view it as the active work of our heavenly Father who masterminds the paths and timetable we are to travel, as well as the means necessary to bring us there."G.H.

"Two related items the road to Troas will reveal to you: the degree you really trust God, and the degree that you are pliable in His hand."G.H.

"While on the road to Troas, Paul had not the slightest indication of God's positive direction-and neither will we.  The Bible describes this as walking by faith, not by sight.  It is not at all easy, but you will not take many steps on the road without it." G.H.

I don't know what THIS week is going to look like, but I am determined to keep going, making plans, and walking WITH God.  He is here with me, and will lead me with the "NO's" just like the "YES's."

Happy walking along your unique "roads"! 

                                                                                                

A Must Read for Caregivers

Ken and Joni Eareckson Tada

I know it's a very busy time of year, but if you are a Caregiver, or know someone who is, please don't miss this article from Ken Tada.  He has been married to Joni, a beautiful and talented, woman who has been a quadriplegic for 30 years, and his take on commitment, and serving a dependent spouse is fantastic.  This article is straightforward, humble, personal, encouraging, You will be blessed, and challenged. I'm going to include it in my Alz. Resources section as one of my favorites!

Click this link for the article: Caregiving: A Cause for Christ

Click this link for "Joni & Friends" ministry:  http://www.joniandfriends.org/

Be Careful Little Eyes What You See

Gary with Sarah

I know this is nearly impossible, but:
WHAT IF our children never heard a swear word?
WHAT IF they never saw anything scarey?
WHAT IF they never saw or heard about marital infidelity, or promiscuity?
WHAT IF they never ... (you fill in the blank)

WHAT IF this were true for their whole lives?
WHAT IF they learned from a young age to turn their eyes away from evil and habitually guarded their lips from speaking sinfully?
WHAT IF they could live in a bubble of truth?

Not completely possible I know, BUT IF one day, after many, many years of living in a sinful world, they were to develop Alzheimer's Disease or some other form of dementia, in which the brain's wiring is "crossed" and the neurons are not firing correctly, THEN perhaps there would be LESS frightening images for them, LESS violent responses, LESS profanity, confusion about spousal faithfulness, and accusations about such.

I'm no doctor, and I am NOT casting judgement on anyone who does exhibit these changes in personality/behavior due to their dementia.  It is not their fault.  Before the disease, they WERE able to control their thoughts,  and keep them in the right "category" in their mind prior to their illness.  They WERE able to control their speech and actions.

BUT I'm just thinking as a parent, what would I want to do to help my child, who will one day grow up, live their life, and possibly have dementia one day, to keep their mind saturated with truth, not error.  There are many things on TV, Movies, Music, Video Games, and even gossip, that we must be discerning about.  Just being able to "categorize" it as sin, may not be enough.  Let's do what we can to keep the mind pure, so that if it is attacked with confusion one day, there is less ugliness stored there which can become the material for a horrid existence as well as spill out on others. 

IMPORTANT COMMENTS:
1. For some reason, up to this point, this hasn't been a problem for Gary, even though, prior to his salvation, he had seen much of the "worldliness" I am talking about.  But we know of many who do love Jesus, and who have spent their lives serving him, who, because of their dementia, have had a difficult time with personality and behavior changes.  AGAIN, I am making NO judgment on them whatsoever.  I am only wanting to motivate parents to help their children filter what goes into their mind in the first place.

2. As Christians in a fallen world, we will need to occasionally look evil in the face, for example counseling someone overtaken in a sin, or in defending and protecting the innocent, etc.  There are times when it is unavoidable, but we are cautioned, even then, to be on guard.  Galatians 6:1

"I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; It shall not fasten it's grip on me.  A perverse heart shall depart from me; I will know no evil." Psalm 101:3-4

Gary's Prayers - "Help"

One of Gary's prayers,

since being diagnosed with Alzheimer's in '07

November 19, 2009

"Help me understand what's going on and help me be content even if it's in a mess.  Help me turn it around and so others can see a changed life."

Plan Twice...Paint Once

Some friends were recently asking me about the process of painting with watercolors, compared to other media.  We were comparing them to oils and acrylics, which I've had little experience with, but I thought I'd use my most recent painting to point out some things if you're interested in that sort of thing.  The main thing that makes watercolors difficult is that they are transparent, so you can't put light over dark.  That means you have to leave all the white spaces  and paint around them.  You can use masking liquid, or masking tape (my fav) to "mask" the light areas off, and then paint the dark colors that are next to them.  There were 4 areas in this composition that needed to be reserved as white.

1. The house.  It is mostly a shadowy white.  It did not require masking because it is a big mass and doesn't extend into any "darker" areas.  
2. The chimneys.  In order to paint the blue sky and gray clouds with fluid strokes, and not stroking "around" the chimneys, but "across" them, I blocked them out with little chimney shaped pieces of masking tape. 
3. The little white window dividers.  These delicate lines are not done with white paint, but are white paper left exposed. In this case I freehanded the dark window glass rectangle areas, leaving the white lines within the windows.  I didn't want a perfectly straight line from masking tape so they would have more character. 
4. The clouds.   Skies are tricky, quick, and fun.  In this scene, I wanted to give the sky lots of clouds, so that means less blue than clouds (white with gray).  In order to paint the sky, and not have it look like "color by number," the white parts of the clouds must be "saved" and not covered, but using masking tape makes too "hard" of an edge.  No cloud has a "crisp" edge.  They are fluffy, or whispy, or feathery, or you get the idea.  So I had to work lightly and quickly to "feather in" the blue, across the sky and in between the clouds, but not "hanging out" too long in any one area.  Even this takes careful planning, with some light pencil lines, showing where the clouds will be placed.  Later I went back with the grays of the clouds and gave them shape.  

I love the process of thinking through the composition, lighting, colors, and mood of these home portraits. The paints and brush are the frosting on the cake!

Give Thanks

Give thanks with a grateful heart

Give thanks unto the Holy One

Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son

And now let the weak say, "I am strong"

Let the poor say, "I am rich

Because of what the Lord has done for us"

This song is not hard to understand.  It's easy to remember the lyrics.  It's soothing to my soul.

He's given Jesus Christ, His Son...

Romans 8:32 "He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?" God did the most unimaginably difficult thing ever in the entire Universe.  Because of that, I am the beneficiary of ALL THINGS for now, and eternity.  I'm given EVERYTHING I need to LIVE and live OBEDIENTLY. (2 Peter 1:3)

Let the weak say I am strong...

2 Corinthians 12:9 "And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'  Most gladly therefore I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."  I have nothing to bring to the table.  No strength, no resources, no character, BUT because of GRACE, I have the Holy Spirit inside me giving me the strength to do what He calls me to do. 

Let the poor say I am rich...

2 Corinthians 8:9 "For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor, so that you through His poverty might become rich."

Rich with Ephesians 1 riches!  Jesus set it all ASIDE so that He could share it with ME!

Here's a link if you aren't familiar with the song...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtxmSAqMtDA

Enduring Love

This morning, I had been invited to share our "story" with a ladies bible study at a nearby church.  They had been studying "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things." from 1 Corinthians 13:7.  In particular they asked me to talk about how to love tenaciously, with endurance, as an illustration of "enduring love."  To prepare for my part of the morning, I studied the same passages the ladies had been studying.  I found the study to be challenging and convicting to my own soul as well.  Here's why.

During the teaching time, I learned that this verse, "enduring" is a military term that means to "hold the position at all costs."  This takes courage.  I confess, I do not always feel courageous.  We were asked to choose an example from Scripture who exemplified enduring love.  The obvious choice is Jesus Christ. 

• John 3:16 - This love gave the most precious possession, God's beloved son for me.
• Romans 5:8 - This love sacrificed (to the maximum) for undeserving me.
• Romans 8:35, 38-39 - This love perseveres and is secure through great difficulties and can NOT be removed from me.
• Ephesians 3:17-19 - This love surpasses knowledge and completes me.  It roots and grounds me. 

We were asked to think about loving someone who we used to be close to that is now difficult to love. Gary is not a “difficult” person to love.  Unlike some with Alz. Disease, he is not angry, or upset, or awake all night, etc. But he IS silent, and completely dependent on others for all “activities of daily living.”  He may speak only a few times in a week, and it isn’t always easy to understand what he is trying to say.  Sometimes it is challenging to love with endurance.  It's true for all of us.  It doesn't matter what the cause of the difficulty is.  It can be a wayward child, or unkind spouse, or someone who is the source of great pain.  The reasons may be different, but there are several things that may be universally true for everyone....

• When love is not reciprocated and there’s "nothing in it for me." 
• When there’s no feedback or encouragement to keep going.
• When there’s no end in sight.
• When I'm exhausted.
• When prevented from doing what "I" want
• When Spiritually dry.

So, how DO you love with endurance?  Well, as I said, I was convicted by Jesus' example.  I often fall short. But lately I've been learning 3 things:

• I have to ask God to strengthen me – to understand and know His love – to love others and glorify Him (Ephesians 3:14-21) When I am facing a "giant" of a difficulty, if I try to operate in the flesh, then I respond in the flesh when things don’t work out MY way.  The solution is NOT in my ability to muster up the energy, or reorganize, or plan ahead, or anything I come up with.  Only by really learning and knowing Jesus' love better, am I able to love Gary.  

• I have to ask others for help.  It’s impossible to do it all myself.  When I try to, I get exhausted, anxious and overwhelmed.  I struggle with wanting to be in control of how to care for Gary, and now that he is needing so much more physical care, some of which I am unable to do, so I must entrust him to others.  This is hard for me, but I see it as God graciously helping me to release him in stages.  I can love Gary best by letting others help.

•   I have to remember that Gary is still Gary.  He has a soul that is alive and well and God is continuing to grow him.  He has emotions that feel.  I try to maintain our relationship and respect for him by spending quality time together and sharing my life with him regardless of his lack of responses. This includes asking for his forgiveness if I become impatient, and trying to make decisions in the way he would want. And sometimes, though not often, I still get a look or a touch that lets me know he loves me.

What practical things I do we do to show our love to others?  For us, beyond the daily care...well these are always fun to share.  Here's a few...

• Photo memory books (see blog post called "No time for perfection" 
• Bible verses on 3 X 5 cards (I write out a simple portion of a verse being preached on in church for Gary to hold and read.  I use a sharie pen and write big.  I do the same thing with songs, writing out a phrase or two.  very simple, and big)
• Going for a drive through the mountains, or a stroll through Descanso (Botanical) Gardens, or walk around Bridgeport Lake, or a pastry at Panera Bread.

What struck me, while sharing this morning, as I looked around the room at the ladies, was the fact that everyone there, seemed to be relating, not necessarily to the Alzheimer's disease, but their OWN situations, and the people in their lives that require an ongoing strong love, in the face of difficulty, no matter the cause.  May we all look to Jesus, and beg for strength, never forgetting that He understands our weakness and wants to empower us "according to His great riches in glory." (Eph 3)

Watercolor Journals - Avast, Ye Hearties, Yo-Ho!

I must admit I really like the Pirates of the Caribbean movies!  Maybe because we got to visit the Florida Keys a few years ago, maybe it's the color of the water and the scenery, maybe it's the ride at Disneyland, which was always my favorite!  I love solving (shall I say, "trying to solve") puzzles too, hence the fun of finding a treasure map.  Remember the pirates in Swiss Family Robinson?  They got "creamed" by the entire Robinson clan.  How about the one in The Count of Monte Christo?  He turned out to be an asset!   And everyone remembers the endearing Long John Silver in Treasure Island.  Why are pirates so "loveable" anyway?  They were bad dudes! I think raising 2 daughters, I kind of missed out on some of the "boy adventures" but now, thanks to those 2 girls, we have 6, count em, 6 grandsons! So now I have multiple reasons to talk pirates, cowboys, bull riding, bugs and military aircraft.  I got kind of lost in this painting, imagining finding a treasure map, following the clues to the island with the big red X accompanied by a beautiful bird who makes funny comments and worrying a little about what might be in the kegs!  "By the powers, it be a good thing thar be a dinghy aboard so me matey, Derek, can be gettin from the ship to yonder island to find the booty over thar!  

If you want to see more of these "Watercolorful Name" paintings, click the ETSY link to the right.

No Time For Perfection

I'm up to my eyeballs in a BIG project, and here's how it started:  I have often needed to put my hands on a photo, to remind Gary of an old friend, or event that I'm referring to.  Not TOO tough for the more recent years because of photo albums, but for the first 10 years (or so) of our marriage we shot only slide film.  Great for family picture nights, but now, setting up the projector, and finding the right image, would take so long that the thought would be lost, so I figured having them on a disc would be much quicker. With one disc per year, and the different events in separate folders, I can locate a photo MUCH quicker.  

Once I decided to do this, I thought, how about getting some of these great memories into simple photo albums that Gary can enjoy any time.  SO, thanks to Shutterfly.com, I am ordering 8" X 8" Photo Books.  I'm done with the first 3 years, 1977 is in the mail, and 1978 is almost ordered. 

I been reliving some fantastic memories of babies, vacations, friends, home improvements, and family times.  It takes FOREVER to organize the slides into groups, and get them scanned, BUT it is worth it.  Then creating and captioning the book in a way that is simple and easy to read for Gary is icing on the cake.  When the first one arrived in the mail box, (1974, the year we dated and married), it was like Christmas in my heart.  When your loved one has lost so much memory and the long term memories last the longest, the prospect of sharing some of them in a way that he will understand is so exciting.  So often I will hand Gary a book to look at, or a magazine and he seems disinterested, so I didn't know what to expect when I laid the Memory Book in his lap and began turning the pages.  He picked it up and really looked at each page.  I am SURE he was understanding.  We were sharing some special times again.  Me talking about them, and Gary looking at the photos.  I know he still reads short sentences, or phrases, so I purposely made the captions simple.  I sent one with him to the Adult Day Health Care program he goes to so the health care workers could know him better.  They loved the book and being able to talk to him about his life.  I plan to send the other books from time to time as well.  When "1976" arrived and I showed it to him, page by page  he said, "That's comforting."  That was the only thing he said to me that day that made sense, but it was enough.

Now for a big lesson I've learned, and a link to a good book.  I need to give a bit of background so you'll understand the impact this little book had on my life.  I actually LOVE to organize things.  Even though my desk doesn't show it, I like things in their proper order.  One of the reasons my desk has stacks is that each stack needs to be dealt with, and filed, and I still haven't completed the file relabeling project I started last year.  That is because I want it to be "just right."  That's a problem I have.  Sometimes I don't get things done, because I want to do them "perfectly" so I sacrifice excellence and order in the meantime.  I tend to over organize, and plan, plan, plan, and not get to the DOING.  Furthermore, when it comes to a final product that has anything to do with "photos" or "art" I want it to look GOOD.  Well, when it comes to Gary's memory, I believe that "time is of the essence."

The Lord introduced me to this insightful book, at just the right time.  It is a short, easy read with wonderful principles that any woman would benefit from.  I HIGHLY recommend it.  It helped me let go of my idol of Perfectionism, and put together some little books, that may get torn, finger printed, food stained, and have photos that are less than perfect, or may be missing some of the prettier scenes.

The author sheds light on common idols that we can be tempted to worship.  Perfectionism, Busyness, Possessions, and Leisure.  You will see yourself in this book.  It really helped me out at a time I needed it.  I hope it helps you too.  It is called The Organized Heart-A Woman's Guide to Conquering Chaos by Staci Eastin

I got mine on Amazon.com but I think you can buy 6 copies for a good discount direct from the publisher:  http://CruciformPress.com

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