"Thank you," he said.

This has been a hard week. In the midst of organizing Gary's medical records and browsing my notes from the "go-zillion" Dr. appts., lab reports and tests, some old feelings have been dredged up.  Again, I find myself tempted to despair.  It shouldn't come as a surprise, that these temptations sneak in when least expected.  You'd think, that since I've been so encouraged by the small, but measurable improvements in Gary's speech and balance recently, I'd be well defended against sadness but I must still guard against the Enemy's attacks on my joy.

Beginning in 2006, and for several years following, we were on a constant roller-coaster ride of emotions as we got devastating news, and experienced the steady falling-away of Gary's mind. On top of that were the secondary trials of finances, insurance changes, moving, changes in lifestyle, etc. There were many, many tears shed over those years.   Lately, most days, it has not been so bad, emotionally.  Acceptance has a lot to do with that.  This is who we are.  We have Alzheimer's Disease in our marriage. Proactively looking for blessings helps too.  Gary is not unhappy.  I actually think he is content as he lives "in the moment" and I enjoy my family, and my friends, and my painting.  I enjoy being with Gary.  We sit together on the sofa and watching Bull Riding, until he falls asleep.  I read the Bible to him sometimes, during the morning when he is alert.  Today I picked his apple up off the floor for him and he spoke to me.  "Thank you," he said. 

I am glad those extremely difficult days of testing, diagnosis, and fears of the unknowns are behind us, but I know there are likely to be extremely difficult days ahead.  We have been laid bare emotionally, and are being humbled under the hammer and chisel of Love.  With my whole heart I believe it is good for us.  It is getting easier to be joyful more of the time, but the last few days have been a good reminder to be on guard, and be aggressive about choosing thankfulness which results in joy. Sometimes saying "Thank You" to God is the furthest thing from my mind, especially when I don't like the gift He's given, and it's frightening, and dark.  But I know that He only gives good gifts.  He is a loving Father.  Choosing to have a thankful heart is sometimes a sacrifice, but it leads to the peace of God.  (Philippians 4:6-7)

"To You I shall offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call upon the name of the LORD." Psalm 116:17

Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a wonderfully helpful book. It has become one of my favorites.  You can buy it  HERE on Amazon.com. 

“In those moments when I have found myself gasping for air, feeling that I was going under, I’ve discovered that gratitude truly is my life preserver.  Even in the most turbulent waters, choosing gratitude rescues me from myself and my runaway emotions.  It buoys me on the grace of God and keeps me from drowning in what otherwise would be my natural bent toward doubt, negativity, discouragement, and anxiety.”  DeMoss

"When prayer teams up with gratitude, when we open our eyes wide enough to see God's mercies even in the midst of our pain, and when we exercise faith and give Him thanks even when we can't see those mercies, He meets us with His indescribable peace.  It's a promise."  DeMoss

Here's a short video to help you in your search for the blessings all around you:  :)

Butter for President Shirts!: http://www.sweetteafilms.com/shop Tavin gets pigeon-holed into what he's thankful for...so here goes! Follow Tavin online! http://www.twitter.com/tavindillard http://www.facebook.com/tavindillard

Practical Joking 101 - "Entry Level"

Gary's friend, Isaac visited us this week, and we had a great time remembering fun times.  He brought up one of Gary's jokes that I had forgotten.  It's an easy one, that anyone can do and it only costs 25 cents.

This is the front door of our old house.  At one of our yard sales probably around 2000, some coins got away from us, and rolled across the porch.  We all went scrambling to pick them up, but Gary, of course always on a different track, went for the epoxy.  He he came back and glued one of the quarters down to the porch right where he found it.  .

I wish I had a good photo of it, but believe me, there is a little speck there just to the left of the door, and it is a quarter.  It has been there forever, and for all I know, it still is.

I wish I HAD a quarter, (or even a dime, or a nickle) for every time someone tried to pick it up over the years. 

Many thanks to Isaac for making me smile. 

Watercolor Journals - Abiding in the Vine

Right before Christmas, I had the privilege of painting this set of watercolors for returning clients.  They had asked if they could write a journal entry about their artwork for the blog.  Of course I said "YES"!  Their kind words are included below.

"This lovely duo was a very special Christmas present for me.  My husband and his mother conspired with Laurie to surprise me as part of our plans to redecorate our living room.  My husband knew of my desire to ‘upgrade’ our current wall decorations with something less pedestrian and more personal.  He commissioned Laurie to create a pair of paintings that would coordinate with our color scheme as well as reflect the heartbeat of our home. Laurie went to great lengths to ascertain our styles, colors and tastes.  She noted the color schemes found throughout the home and the specific colors planned for the living room where the finished art would reside; she even used pictures of our living room to help in her creative thinking.   I couldn’t be more pleased! Laurie’s careful planning and artistic ability resulted in a beautiful pair of paintings that truly echo our heart and soul!"  S.K.

"I looked through Laurie’s previous work to decide on a gift for Stacy.  Particularly striking were her illustrations of vine.  This reminded me of God’s metaphor: Jesus is the Vine and believers are the branches that must abide in the Vine in order to bear fruit. (John 15:5)  Laurie has painted an excellent work by merging the imagery and text of Scripture together that is not only beautiful but aptly illustrates the believers’ fruit found only through belief and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ as Savior." J.K.

A Few Days Early - A Love Story (orig. post 2/9/13)

As I was leaving on my errands yesterday, Becky and Karl said..."We're going to let Gary rest up this morning, because we want him to be be wide awake for our outing today!"  "Oh, what are you guys going to do?" I asked.  "It's a surprise!" was the answer. 

So, I went on my way.  It was a super busy errand day, and took me 6 hours to get everything done.  I was pretty tired coming home with my car full of groceries.  Walking in, of course Karl unloaded the heavy bags for me as usual, and I gave a quick look at my napping husband, and put the cold things in the fridge.  I sat down to see the photos of the day, which Becky has ready for me when I get home.  She said, "Have you said 'Hi' to Gary yet?  He has something for you."

Back to the other end of the condo, I went, excited to see what on earth it was.  I couldn't imagine. 

Well, see for yourself:

Gary had a card for me, clenched in his hand.  He was asleep, but holding it tight.

It started with a shopping trip to Stater Brothers.  Gary hasn't been inside of a grocery store in over a couple of years, so this was a BIG deal.  (The last time was in Trader Joes.  It was crowded, loud music, the toy train going around, and he actually said to me..."This is hard for me."  I never took him in a grocery store again.)

A Love Story Lily - FOR ME!​

Karl picked out some red tulips for Becky and Gary enjoyed feeling the leaves while Karl picked out some corn on the cob.  

The candy by the check out line attracted his attention.  He was always one for the impulse items. 

Gary pushed the cart himself, navigating quite well, with little assistance.  Both Karl and Becky were surprised by this.  

Then when they got home, Becky said she handed Gary a small tipped Sharpie and he very carefully and diligently wrote me a note and signed it 'deliberately'.  (If you could see what he normally does with a pencil, you would see how different and special this is.  He did not chew on it, scribble with it or use it as screwdriver.)  She used my name often throughout the whole morning, and she and Karl were convinced that Gary understood what he was doing, picking out a Valentines flower and card for me.  He was "taking it all in."

Someone recently said to me that it is clear that I truly love my husband.  Yes, it's true ant the last few years have increased that love. 

There was a movie from the 70's called "Love Story"  it had one of the stupidest lines I've ever heard.  "Love means never having to say you're sorry."  Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Love means "We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19.  Gary and I love each other because Jesus Christ is the dominating force in our lives.  I am so thankful today.  For Jesus, Gary, and our sweet friends and care givers, Karl and Becky, for making our 2013 Valentines Day so special...a few days early.

A.B.C.'s

These are two very special people.  Karl and Becky come twice a week to help Gary while I run errands, shop, keep appointments, and help my parents.  Technically they are Gary's Care Givers, but more than that, they have become our friends.  We've been acquainted for a long time, but since July, they have been officially helping us in more ways than I can count.  I call them the Above and Beyond Caregivers!  They are my A.B.C.'s  Here's why:

Karl reads to Gary.  Sometimes Gary's memory books, and sometimes the Bible.

One day, while there were hymns playing Becky noticed that Gary was mouthing the words to "How Great Thou Art," so she started a list of the songs that Gary was responding to, so she could tell me when I got home.  I add these to his ipod playlist that he listens to when falling asleep at night.

Our community has a pool room, which makes for a nice outing for Gary.  Becky knows how Gary loves patterns, shapes and colors and arranges the balls in the triangles for him to see and feel.

Karl shoots some pool for Gary to watch.  The sound of the balls and the movement is stimulating and enjoyable for him. 

Simple text in large letters on a book cover, found in the Pool Room, and placed in front of Gary for him to read gives Gary the opportunity to keep using his eyes, and mind to read. 

​This is one of their countless walks around our community using the wheelchair, which is necessary once Gary gets tired and his legs get too wobbly.  Karl is so good at pointing things out to Gary and I'm sure Gary enjoys a male voice in his life, since so much of care giving is done by women.

On this particular day, Gary found a feather and brought it back home.

Becky and I laugh about how many times Gary and Karl are looking over a wall in the photos.  This time, Gary was inspecting the rock work.  Karl appreciates a well-built wall as well and patiently waits for Gary to finish checking it out.  Details are so important to someone with dementia.  You never know what is going to catch their eye, and it takes a patient person to give them time to think about it.

This is the Valencia Car Wash.  Karl and Becky have taken Gary here several times.  Gary really enjoys going through the wash, and is fascinated with the water and equipment.  They buy gas too, and this is interesting to him.  It's the "guy" things he used to do on his own, and riding along with Karl is satisfying to him.

He likes to try and put CD's into the player of their car, so they gave him a blank one that says "Gary's" on it.  He brings it when they get out of the car and inserts it into rock walls, and other places. 

At the nearby mall, there's plenty to do and during a weekday morning, it's uncrowded and easier to navigate with Gary. 

Always ready for a bite of Cinnabon

Shooting practice in the arcade

Becky having fun too!  (Don't you just love people that like to have fun regardless...)

Second childhood perhaps?​

​Lombardi Ranch

When they get back from one of their "Adventures with Gary" he's tired, and ready for lunch. Karl and Gary usually watch some Discovery Channel, or Classic Car Restoration programs while Becky gives Gary lunch.  Today it was "Monster Trucks" which Gary watched intently.  When I show up toward the end of the day, Karl meets me at the car to unload the groceries and keeps the trash cans emptied.  To top it all off, Becky has photos ready to show me from the day's outing if there was one.  

It is not easy loading Gary in and out of the car, helping him walk in a straight line, standing up/sitting down, or feeding him lunch.  It would be easier to let Gary sit in a chair and do nothing.  But Karl and Becky CARE about us and are making many of Gary's days full and interesting, and I love them for that!

The Last Three Weeks (orig. posted 1/20/13)

Three weeks into the new year I have a few random newsy items for you.

Jason is a HUGE blessing.  Gary has adjusted beautifully to Jason's help throughout the week.  My back is feeling better and I'm able to run across the street and do things with/for my parents more often, now that Gary is not alone.  An added benefit, I didn't anticipate, is that with Jason here there is more going on, and more conversation to listen to. 

Gary and Jason

Enjoying the Master's College Campus

​More news.  Gary's been talking (and trying to talk) more.  He has said a few short sentences in the last few weeks.  They are in context, if you consider his wit.  Sometimes, when asked a question, he looks into my eyes and moves his mouth/lips.  I don't know what he's saying but he's trying to speak.  It's hard to explain, but I can see the twinkle in his eye and we make a connection.  It lets me know that he's ok. Sometimes he says "That's Right."  or "Yep" when I'm talking with someone else or on the phone, like he's trying to participate in the conversation.  Becky and Karl got Gary a root beer the other day, and when they asked him if he liked it he said, "Always!"  I don't know the reason, but several things may be making a difference...We've cut back a bit on some of his medications for various reasons, and maybe he's feeling better over all, or more alert.

A visit from our good friends, John and Stacy

At Christmas our friends John and Stacy paid us a wonderful visit.  We see them so rarely, but Gary and John have been such good friends for so long, that I KNOW he enjoys hearing John's voice and we really had fun this year, as John was telling fun stories of all the practical jokes he and Gary played on each other during the "Gary Price Electric" days.  Gary watched John and was listening as he told the stories, and it was a true joy to see. 

One last thing...Ever since we moved into our condo, I wanted to change the paint and put some plants in our Atrium.  It is a little patio within the walls of our condo, which is open to the sky.  It has been a very ugly "institutional" green.  Between Christmas and New Years I finished painting it and added some of our Cymbidium orchids which we brought from Sunland.  The fountain was a present from Jon and April for my birthday.  I want to do more out there, but for now, every time I walk by the opening, it makes me smile.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

"Better Than I Deserve"

Big Sur 1974 - Our Honeymoon road trip

Things I repeatedly hear:  "It doesn't seem fair what you and Gary are going through."  "Gary doesn't deserve this."  "Why did this happen to you?"  Let me tell you, if Gary could speak, and you ask him "How are you doing?"...this is what he'd say.  "I'm doing better than I deserve."  In fact, he'd tell you that it's better to be living with "difficulty" than living "the easy life."  Wise Solomon said "It's better to go to a house of mourning, than a house of feasting, because that is the end of every man, and the living takes it to heart...The mind of the wise is in the house of mourning, while the mind of fools is in the house of pleasure." (Ecclesiastes 7)  Thinking deeply about mortality, is a good thing to do.

Septermber 2012

 As Gary's wife and "caregiver" I am regularly reminded to "take care of myself, because I deserve it."  It's a common belief.  "Everyone deserves to be happy."  "We deserve to be safe."  "I don't deserve to be treated like ..."  But do I, or you, or anyone REALLY deserve to have a good, easy, or prosperous life with no worries or troubles?  Even though we are in the midst of this horrendous illness, Alzheimer's Disease, Gary and I are at peace. We are content.  I want to explain why.

Did you know that I'm a sinner?  Did you know that you are too?  Did you know that sin and evil are real and not just a mistake, mishap or oversight?   "Sin", though not a term that is used much any more,  is anything that men and women do (or don't do) that causes them to fall short of the standard of perfection set by the One who created them, regardless of how our culture tries to explain it away.   In fact, every person born on this planet is capable of doing evil things. When people continually reject God and pursue living for themselves, they can eventually be completely given over to horrible behaviors which are motivated by Satan, who, by the way, is real, and he's not a character in a red suit with horns, and a pitch fork.  The Bible says he "prowls around the earth like a roaring lion seeking who he can devour."  We see evidence of his activities in the news, but we also see in every human being, myself included, a selfish, sinful heart.

One of our fruit trees

 Why?  It goes way back to the beginning of things when God made the world and everything in it.  He put man and woman in The Garden and gave them everything they could ever need including a relationship with Him.  I don't know how long their life of bliss lasted but one day, The Enemy, Satan, started putting seeds of doubt in their minds.  Just like me and just like you, they were tempted to think that maybe God was limiting them in some way, that they "deserved" more.  Maybe they knew better than their Creator.  You know the story.  Adam and Eve took things into their own hands, ate the forbidden fruit, and rejected God's way.  They didn't think God was going to satisfy them any more.  That is known as 'The Fall' and what a fall it was.  If we're honest with ourselves, we'd admit that every single one of us, would have done the same thing.  Even as a young person, I can remember choosing to do what I wanted, even though I knew it was not right. I often had prideful thoughts thinking I was better than others, and many times I didn't trust God and what He said.  Most people say pride is a good thing.  God says it is a sin.

Our old fig tree

So even though God placed Adam and Eve into the perfect world, they messed up.  Now, the earth, and people, had a curse to live with.  God's curse.  Things would not be easy.  Now there would be sickness, weeds, difficulty, and death.  "Not fair" you say?  That's because we don't really grasp the perfect holiness of God.  He is not like us.  He is not lacking anything.  He has complete knowledge and wisdom.  Everything He does is completely just AND he is completely merciful at the same time.  Like it or not, there's a price to be paid for human willfulness, that boldly shakes it's fist at God and says, "I don't need you!"  OR the more subtle "God fits into MY own idea of who He is, and I'll run my own life."  But, even though this is a hard truth, God's perfect justice demands punishment for anyone who would be so bold as to think they know better than Him. Eternal punishment for sinners.

"The wages of sin is death..."  Romans 6:23

2008

As soon as they ate the fruit, knowing they had chosen to disobey God,  they felt guilty, ashamed and hid themselves with fig leaves.  We are just like them.  For thousands of years people have been trying to come up with a solution for their guilty feelings.  You know...that "yucky" feeling you have when you know you did something "wrong."  We try to ignore it, or justify it, or keep busy so there's no time to think about it, but every person on the planet knows they are fallible, and something's just not right.  There is a never ending search for peace, satisfaction, fulfillment, balance or even "religious" activities.  But sadly, most of the world's religions only lead to a deceptive sense of security, based on doing enough good things to please God and win His favor.  But no one can be good enough.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Christmas 2012

We are sinful people living in a broken world, with no way to make things right or avoid eternal punishment.  But, God had a plan based on his great love for mankind. He would provide the perfect substitute, His son, to be punished in place of sinful people, IF they would admit their sin and throw themselves on His mercy and ask for forgiveness.  A couple of weeks ago, we celebrated Christmas, The Advent (the awaited arrival).  Baby Jesus was born 2000 years ago in Bethlehem, but that was only the beginning.  He lived 33 years without any sin, ever.  Only God could do this.  Jesus was fully God and fully man. He was born so he could die on the cross and bear the punishment FOR US.  That's what we really deserve!  Eternal punishment.  That would be justice.  But instead God offers us a gracious gift.  He offers salvation.

"For by grace you have been saved, through faith:and that, not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."  Ephesians 2:8-9

Basically, God does it all the saving work.  He offers salvation to the spiritually blind, bankrupt, imprisoned, and oppressed.  (Luke 4:18)  People bring nothing to the table.  That's Love.  That's Grace. Jesus bore His Father's punishment for the sins of all those who would believe/trust Him, when he was crucified.  Admitting our need for this great substitution  is the key to Salvation and being "right with God".  When a person turns from sinning (repents), and believes God (faith), takes Him at His word, he is a new person.  His soul is washed clean.  God no longer sees his sin.  The Bible says God removes that sin as far away as the East is from the West. The debt is forgiven. 

"He (God) made Him (Jesus) who knew no sin, to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." 2 Corinthians 5:21

2011

Gary and I just celebrated our 38th Anniversary on December 28th.  We are experiencing the love and care of God in very personal ways and even though Gary and I are suffering the loss of memories, communication, and companionship, God is helping us to loosen our hold on this earthly life, which is just a blink, in light of eternity.  It will be over before we know it, and, just like all of you, we will stand before the Creator in all His majesty.  For the first time ever we will be in the presence of the absolute perfection and blazing glory of God.  Jesus Christ will be there, seated next to His Father.  He will either say, "Depart from Me, I never knew you."  OR "This one is mine. Their life is hidden in Me. Enter in to the joy of my rest." All people will either spend eternity in Heaven or Hell.

Gary began to follow Jesus Christ when he was 21.  I was a little younger, but it is never too late for anyone.  The license plate was on Gary's work truck for many years.  He loved to tell others about Jesus, and how to know Him.  I am positive that my husband would be pleased that God is causing others to consider the condition of their souls because of our trial of Alzheimer's Disease.  Soon after getting the diagnosis, he prayed, "Lord, please use my life and illness to further Your Kingdom and bring glory to Yourself."  So, please, please consider your soul.  Do you trust Jesus?  Do you live for Him?   Are you saved?

This is why Gary and I are at peace, and content

in the midst of advanced stage Alzheimer's.

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand and we exult in hope of the glory of God."  Romans 5:1-2

I'm Amazed...let me tell you what's up!

Certain events become "milestones" in our lives.  You know... like the birth of a child, death of a loved one, marriage, etc. Then there are other events that, while on the surface, may be only be mildly interesting, but the "back story" reveals their deep significance.  I have been SO EXCITED to tell this story but had to wait until this weekend.  You'll see why if you read on.

To tell it right I have to back up a couple of years and explain.

In 2007 Gary was diagnosed with Dementia due to Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease.  Over the next few years, as his disease progressed, and we learned more of the typical path ahead of us, big decisions were made.  In 2009 we decided it was best to sell our Sunland home and "downsize" to a more manageable place that would suit our coming needs.  The next summer, we moved to our new home, a condo in a 55+ community in Santa Clarita.  That was in May of 2010.
 

Moving Day - May 2010

From the beginning of our journey, in 2007, my heart's desire was that I could keep Gary with me for as long as possible, and hopefully all the way to the end of his earthly life.  I wanted to be the one to manage his care and this is much easier with him at home.  As his body and mind would decline, I knew I would need more help (see related post), and so when I knew we would be moving, I began to look for something very specific.  A condo so I'd have no yard work, one story for obvious reasons, and most importantly...an extra bedroom and full bathroom to eventually be used for a live-in caregiver when things got beyond my physical abilities.  Many of you have been here and know what a nice home God provided for us which fulfilled these needs, and has a beautiful view to boot!

Our Condo since May 2010

So, since we've been here, I've been asking God for just the right person at just the right time to move in to that room.   Several months ago it became apparent that I needed much more help and so I began adding to our "team" of caregivers.  They are here at specific blocks of time on 3 days a week.  On 2 days I run errands and have appointments, and on Sunday I go to church.  That works out perfectly, BUT, what about the sporadic help I need throughout the other days.  I don't need help 24/7 because 90% of the time, Gary is content to sit in his recliner and listen to music or work with his "projects."   But when I DO need to move Gary to the restroom, or in or out of the car, or getting ready for bed, or up in the morning, my 59 year old body is getting hurt.  My back and shoulders tell me that I am doing too much; the wheel chair is too heavy to load and unload from the car, Gary's "scissor stepping" and balance issues cause ongoing shoulder pain, and dressing/undressing makes my hands hurt because of his upper body strength which he uses to grip the fabric, and resist bending or straightening his arms. 

I know... lots of detail here...but you'll see why...read on.

Tightly gripping hands

At a family strategy meeting in July, as we were figuring out how much additional care giving we'd need, I was asked, "What would be your perfect scenario, Mom?"  I said,  "What we really need is a young man with a strong back who can help with sporadic physical and personal needs throughout the day...10-15 minute segments and then go.  It doesn't make financial sense to hire someone to be here all the time, since caregivers need a 3 hour minimum and they'd be sitting twiddling their thumbs 90% of the time."  Well of course that seemed impossible.  The timing seemed right for a live-in helper, but we couldn't even think of the right type of person.  A student would be gone too much.  A retired person likely lacks strength.  The Lord had provided the room, but who could fill the bill?  We ended the discussion with "We'll just have to keep praying about it, and see if the Lord will work it out."  About that time, our friend, Gretchen, suggested we look for someone who worked from home.  I continued to pray for this as well. It probably goes without saying, but in order for someone to live with us in our home, they need to be trustworthy. 

Support Needed

Ever since God saved me I have loved talking to Him.  He hears me.  He cares.  I tell him everything.  I ask forgiveness when I sin and I praise Him for His wonderful doings.  I ask Him for things that arise up from my desires, but I don't expect Him to provide them if they are not good for me.  I may not see the specific results, but I am convinced that He is attentive and doing thousands of seen and unseen things all the time everywhere.  He is particularly attentive to our cries for help when we entrust the results to His wise, kind, just and loving care.



The family strategy session was in mid-July.  4 days later, I got a call from our daughter in Florida. It went something like this:
 


April:  "Mom I want to tell you something.  Do you remember meeting Jason?" 
Me:  "Yes, I've met him on one of our visits there, but don't really know him."  (He was one of the young men in their church and a good friend of our son-in-law.) 
April: "You know, he follows your blog, he's been praying for you and Dad, and he told us that he would really like to come out to California to help you both.  He wondered if you'd like him to do that?"
Me:  Stunned Silence.  
Me:  "He wants to WHAT?
April:  "You should talk to him.  You'd really like him and he's so responsible and loves the Lord.  He's a really neat guy."
Me:  "Did he know we were praying for someone like him?"
April: "No."

Gary's interestd in  the garden, but can't get back up.

So since July, Jason and I have been shooting emails back and forth, working out the details of how things will work, but to get to the point, he is on his way RIGHT NOW, from Florida to move in with us this weekend.  I have been waiting to share this amazing news until he's on the road since things can always change, but as of now, he's in Texas, and on a course, set by the Lord to be our help and encouragement.  



If you think God is vague and generally disinterested, or too busy to notice the specifics, get this:


Jason has been a CNA. (Certified Nursing Assistant)
Jason has a full-time job which he does FROM HOME!
Jason loves Jesus.
Jason has is considerate and responsible.
Jason is young and strong.
Jason is willing to exchange rent for care.
AND...most amazingly...It was our dear Lord that prompted Jason to want to come and serve us!  Not me or anyone else!

Of course things may change.  I don't know how long a time Jason is going to be a part of our home and lives.  But God is sovereign.  He is Large and In Charge.  This is God's story, not mine.  He can do as He pleases, and I trust Him.   Whether long or short, the HUGE lesson I have learned and will NEVER forget,  is that "God is intimately acquainted with all my ways." as He says in Psalm 139.

"The Lord will accomplish what concerns me..." Ps 138:8

"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God for help;  He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry for help before Him came into His ears." Ps. 18:6

"Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.  He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;  I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him.  With a long life I will satisfy him and let him see My salvation."
Ps. 91:14-16

God is REAL folks. Take Him at his word.  

Gary at Descanso Gardens

The Perfect Gift

What do you give to a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease?  Of course it depends on what stage they are in, and what their interests are, but I can tell you our family knew exactly what Gary would love this Christmas.

The gifts fell neatly into 3 categories so I will highlight a few so you can be inspired for your future gift-giving.  And you don't need to wait for Christmas or Birthdays with a dear one who has dementia.  They will appreciate a blessing at any time, since they live in the moment.

Textures

One of our grandsons made up the owl pillow which has several different fabrics. Gary enjoyed feeling the felt eyes.  The red fuzzy pom-poms were tied around a different gift and he enjoyed lacing it through his fingers.  Of course there are multiple types of interesting things to handle from wrapping paper to ribbon and boxes on Christmas morning.

 Memories

The Memory Book was my gift to Gary.  I use Shutterfly.com to create these books.  I've made several over the last year, and I choose a format that is simple and easy to read.  Today I looked slowly through it with Gary and he really looked at each page.  His eyes going from left to right, from page to page.   (Click here to read more)

The little memory card is full of digital photos from our daughter Sarah and her family to be loaded into Gary's digital photo frame.  I've shared about this great tool before here.

The Disc is loaded with Bible verses.  They are being read by our daughter, April and her husband, Jon.  They are reading them very slowly and clearly and leaving a pause in between so Gary can absorb them with his slowed thinking. The Word of God does not miss it's mark and I KNOW it is still nourishing Gary's soul even if he can't find the words to confirm it.  Today when I was playing the CD for him, he was sitting very quietly, and I believe he was listening.

Yummies

Of course this category is always appreciated.  Thankfully, Gary still has a good appetite, though he must be fed most things because he gets distracted and forgets to finish eating.  However, when being given bites of Cinnamon Roll yesterday, I evidently was taking too long in between bites (this time I was distracted), and he almost took a bite of a present he was holding instead.  It was obvious that he wanted the next bite of C.R. and we all had a good laugh. Some of his longtime favorites are represented here...Cinnamon Rolls from Sarah, Chessmen cookies and Shortbread from April, and Date Pinwheel cookies from my mom. The marshmellow Snowman is from the Grandkids and he will like it too, I guarantee.

I hope those of you who are currently caring for and loving someone with dementia, will be able to find many ways to love and serve them that they will enjoy.  We are so blessed, especially if we tone down our expectations, and keep things simple.  (and don't forget to laugh!) Gary and I both had a wonderful day yesterday and I trust you all did too. 

Gary's hugging his Memory Book right after I helped him open it.

And Now For Something Completely Different

Last weekend, I did something I have never done before.  Sarah and I went on a Mother-Daughter get-away to Newport Beach.  We had some rules...no food preparation whatsoever, (not even coffee) and no discussion of anything "stressful."  I'll let the photos do the talking...

 It was a rainy day, but we didn't care!

We went to Fashion Island, hoping to see "Lincoln" but it was sold out so we saw it later that night.  This shopping center is BEAUTIFUL and the fountains are fascinating. 

The next morning, we walked around Balboa Island, inspired by the well-loved cottages, and the unique shops.  As you can see the sun was out.  It was a beautiful day.  We did some "tasting" in the olive oil shop, and got a kick out of their wild looking pastas.  (We weren't able to take photos in there, or I would have.)  There was a black and white stripped pasta that was made from squid ink.  ok. Oh, and Christmas shopping too. 

Of course there is a Starbucks and in the background, "Ciao" Italian cuisine, where we ate lunch. 

When I was a kid, my friend Jenni used to invite me to join her family for a week on Balboa Island.  Seeing the candy store brought back so many fun memories with them.  We used to walk or ride bikes over to this street from their vacation house, and buy frozen bananas, or ice creams, and then ride the ferry to the fun zone at Newport in the evening.  Such freedom!  It was a different world back then, but even now, Balboa Island seems pretty much the same. 

 All dressed up for Christmas!

This yard decor was right on a prominent corner.  

Obviously important to the owners.

As we walked to breakfast, the owner was painting over the Halloween colors on their clock.  On our way home, it was completed and all ready for Christmas.

View across the Harbor

Do we look rested?  We are!  We really enjoyed our adorable little cottage. 

Some friends suggested we eat at the Beachcomber.  This was memorable, and will draw us back again.  

It's an area near Newport that was built in the 20's.  You park on PCH, and walk or ride a shuttle to Crystal Cove.  The little beach cottages are still available to rent, and they are right at the beach in Crystal Cove.  A few of them have been restored and preserved as a little historical "museum."  There were artists at work, and crafts to participate in.  

It was a special day, because Santa was coming to Crystal Cove. 

Only in California...

This is the patio of the Beachcomber restaurant.  See how close it is to the Beach and the Tree, and Santa's house, and everything.  The ocean is RIGHT THERE.  I hope I can go back again someday. Lunch was wonderful too, but alas, it was time to go to get back to our loved ones. 

We had a fantastic time, talking, talking and more talking.  Quality time with my oldest daughter, was so wonderful, and we both agreed that we needed to have April with us too.  She of course is in Florida and was running a half marathon on this weekend. We talked about her if that counts, :)  and laughed about so many fun memories.  Knowing that Gary was well cared for made it possible for me to relax and enjoy, and the time away was like medicine for my emotions, and even though it was a "new" kind of trip, I'd like to call it the "first" of many such mini-vacations for me.  

I thanked the Lord when I arrived home, for this wonderful time.

Getting Comfy with a Good Book

Wear Comfortable Shoes - Surviving and Thriving as a Caregiver

by Peter W. Rosenberger

Wear Comfortable Shoes

is a book for all of us caregivers.  It doesn't matter who you're taking care of, or what their condition is.  Age, condition, or relationship have no bearing on the advice given in this wonderful little book.  Peter Rosenberger has cared for his wife, Gracie, who has no legs.  I care for Gary who has advanced stage dementia.  Parents care for developmentally disabled kids, and most of us will care for an aging parent.  One thing's for sure; You either WERE a caregiver, you ARE a caregiver, you need a caregiver NOW, or you WILL need a caregiver in the FUTURE.

I FLEW through these 115 pages offered from this loving husband who has faced many of the same things I have.  Mr. Rosenberger has been doing this for 19 years longer than I have, and I learned much from him.  He has written personally, sharing his own experience (which includes Gracie's 70+ operations), and with tons of practical advice (including how to ASK for help and where the Church fits in).  He gets right to the point for the reader whose time is limited.

From the Introduction:

"Caregiving spills into every area of the caregiver's life and each area needs addressing.... Understanding and accepting that many of the challenges faced by caregivers only resolve through the death of a loved one, my goal is to equip and empower those caregivers to focus on life. 

Joy, peace and even happiness

await each caregiver, regardless of the circumstances."

On caring for one's self:

"I couldn't insulate myself or my family from events beyond my control, but I could take steps towards quality physical and emotional health.  With that said, I purposed to figure out what 'caring for myself' looks like on a daily (often hourly) basis....I have written in a way that I would want to read it, simple and to the point, filled with tips and lessons that readers can start today." p.8

 "Focusing on the health (emotional, physical, and financial) of the caregiver is not selfish or self-centered, in fact, it is the opposite. 

Exhausted caregivers make lousy caregivers.

" p. 11

These following chapters cover the impact areas of a caregiver's life.

H ealth

E motions

L ifestyle

P rofession

M oney

E ndurance

Throughout the book, Mr. Rosenberger uses a simple

1-2-30

reminder system for us busy caregivers and those who care about us!

In the chapter on Health, for example just remember...

1 Flu Shot

- "Although a flu shot may seem like a simple thing, it is a low-cost way of potentially avoiding a large problem.  We've all suffered from the flu, but caregivers often don't have the built-in margin that allows for "sick-days."

2 Well Visits (including annual physical)

- "A physical allows the caregiver to get out in front of their own health, so that they can stave off scary, but preventable diseases and issues."

30 Minutes of Daily Exercise/Activity

- "Daily exercise seems a no-brainer, but is hard for most people to do consistently.  Jogging, swimming, walking, aerobics, martial arts, the options are lengthy.  Pick one that works for you.  My dog's bladder dictates the amount of daily walking I do, and although I often grumble about it, Mack gives me a good excuse to get outside and walk off some calories."

The most important help of all is in the final chapter, When Your Heart is Hurting and Weary.  You will be blessed as you read about

1 Savior, 2 Hymns, and 30 Words

.

Wear Comfortable Shoes

is my new "you have to read this" book for all my caregiving friends and those who love us.

In our family, for instance, 6 years into Gary's care, there is now a great deal of concern for me too.  Pacing myself, and remembering that my  this is a marathon and not a sprint is the key to finishing THIS kind of race.

If you would like to learn more about the Peter and Gracie Rosenberger and their ministry to amputees, check out their website:

standingwithhope.com

Good Times

Old and new friends have been helping Gary and I get out and do some fun things.  

I can't take him places by myself, so these times have been sweet.  

I only have a smattering of photos 

and they don't always show who's along with us, 

but that's because they were usually the ones taking the pictures.  :)

BRIDGEPORT LAKE

A walk around the lake with sweet friends

Investigating the lawn (the wheelchair is needed when Gary gets tired)

.

Fountain demos

This came about when I mentioned to our Bible Study group 

that Gary & I are not able to get out together anymore. 

Sure enough they set up a sign up system 

so we could have someone go along with us on a regular basis.

 

VALENCIA MALL

Can't go wrong with a Cinnabon.

Or Anniversary Blend

 We usually have 2 outings a week, which are approx. 1 1/2 hours.  

That's about all we can handle. 

VENTURA COUNTY FAIR

With all the sights, sounds, and smells

Getting tired

Horticulture Exhibit

These outings are the highlights of our week.  

Gary gets some exercise and I get to enjoy some time with friends.   

Sometimes we just do something kind of "normal" like...

BROWSING THOUGH LOWES

The old stomping grounds

A walk through Lowes

Or, like today, we went somewhere new (to us)...

 

THE PATIOS SHOPPING AREA

"The Patios" at the Valencia Mall

Our happy companions

The fountains capture Gary's interest

Happy to be out in the fresh Autumn air

One of our favorite places is the beautiful...

DESCANSO GARDENS

Inspecting the Koi pond at Descanso Gardens

The rocks catch Gary's eye.

 Sometimes we don't go very far...we even like to walk around our own...

FRIENDLY VALLEY

Resting after a nice walk at the recreational area gardens.

Did you know that at the corner of McBean and Newhall Ranch, there are...

DUCK PONDS

Watching & listening to the water feature

Tending the garden (I keep a hand on his "gait belt" when he's on the move, because his balance is terrible now, and he "scissor steps" sometimes.)

To all of you who have been my "second set of hands" 

so that Gary and I could spend some time enjoying life together, 

may I say MANY THANKS! 

"For he will not dwell unduly on the days of his life, 

because God keeps him busy with the joy of his heart."

 Ecclesiastes 5:20

My Chat with Carol

My blogging friend, Carol on the opposite side of the country cares for her dear husband who suffers from Alzheimer's. She has a very helpful blog with many good links and book reviews as well as vignettes from their lives.  We share a love for Jesus and she too, is being strengthened by Him.

Recently she interviewed me for her blog.  If you care to read her questions and my answers click here 

Watercolor Journal - Vineyard Celebrations

I was recently commissioned to paint a monogram.  The couple was celebrating a 35th wedding anniversary at a beautiful vineyard location.  That's a longtime love. 

Painting grape leaves made me think of the Tokay (sp) grapes we had growing at our former home.  At least that's what someone told me they were.  They rambled along an arbor to a chain link fence and behind our old garage where they climbed up and over the wall to the neighbor's back yard.  She appreciated the grapes, so that was a good thing.  The arbor was replaced with a patio, but the vines kept growing, each year with the fruit moving down along the fence, and getting further and further from our yard.  It's kind of funny how we did the watering, but our neighbor ended up with the results.  But that was toward the end of our time at that house, and we didn't mind, because the vines themselves were pretty on the fence. 

We were in that home for 30+ years and during that time there were countless jars of grape jelly.  It was beautiful too.  So pink!  So I'd like to make a jelly "toast" (not jelly ON toast, although that sounds yummy) to the "A's" to congratulate them for 35 years of fruitful love. 

Our grape jelly!

"I will be there"

December 28, 1974

Right now I am doing of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  I had to come to terms with the fact that I should not continue to do for Gary all the things I want to.  Therefore, I am systematically assigning to others the many ways I care for him.  Changes are afoot, and I must say that I don't like change very much, unless it's exploring a new vacation spot with Gary, or remodeling the kitchen.  It's hard to look at the changes associated with "losses" as exciting.  The physical care is what I am mainly having to give up as he is less able to participate in sitting himself down, standing himself up, getting himself into and out of the car, and all the personal care things as well.  Though Gary is very compliant with others, it is hard for me to release him to them, as qualified as they are.  We have prayed for help, so that I can continue to stay healthy, protect my back, and have Gary here at home with me.  Help is coming in many forms, and I am so thankful in the midst of my ambivalence.  I must remember that were it not for relinquishing my involvement, we'd both be in trouble.   The red flags have been waving, as I have had to ice my back a few times this month, and have been fearful of "dropping" Gary on the way in from the car due to his loss of balance.

So I'm living in Excel right now, with a weekly schedule that has colorful blocks of time.  (Can't do anything without enjoying colors, right?)  I have lists of care giving agencies, personal referrals, and an unopened box of wheelchair ramps in the hallway.  I'm busy merging existing caregiving schedules, with new ones on the horizon, and if you know me at all you know I like charts, so this part of the process is not all bad.  Our sweet family has divided up some of the research to help making these decisions, and we are having "3-way Skype conference calls" to get things figured out.

A very happy moment on a very happy day1

There are no guarantees that he can always be here with me.  Our daughter made the comment the other day that many families have had to place their loved one in a care facility for very good reasons and our family is not special or unique in some way that we should be immune to this possibility.  But for now, God has made it possible for us to be together, and as a family, we are prayerfully entering into this new phase of greatly increased care in the home anticipating what good things will come of it. 

For those of you who have been praying for the needed help to come, it is partly in place, and more is in the works.  Thank you for bringing our needs before the Throne of God.  One thing I look forward to is the chance to tell you some of the most amazing things that have already happened that truly show the kind, attention of our very personal God.  Gary is the one with the simple, deeply rooted faith in his Savior.  I am trying very hard to follow his example, keep things simple, not over analyze and listen to counsel of our elders, and loved ones.

We're getting there.  It's hard but not impossible.  There are many songs that come to mind lately.  This one had me holding Gary's hand this morning, and singing along with Steven Curtis Chapman to Gary.  Yes, I cried.  To all you care giving folks out there, even if you are not physically involved with you loved one any more, or you have to go visit them somewhere else, I know you are still "there" for your dear one.  I know I will be no matter what.  The song is 4 minutes if you have a chance to listen.  Just click the little triangle, in the picture below.

 

Pass the tissues please...

5 "C's" of Caregiving

I have a lot on my mind these days, (see last post) ,  but knowing that Gary is in good hands for the few hours a week when I can't be with him is such a gift.  Here are some fun photos and video from Friday.
 
CRASHED - We were caught snuggling after a busy morning.   Gary had spent the morning with our care givers.  I had spent the morning running my errands. 

I love this man.

Approaching the car wash.

CAR WASH - A ride through car wash was fully entertaining for Gary.  Plenty to look at and listen to here while Karl and Becky got their car washed.








CAROUSEL - Our friend, Nathan, says "Gary gets to do all the things we all WISH we could do."  This video is proof of that:

CINNABON - Gary LOVES Cinnamon rolls!  He always has and always will.

Karl and Gary...Young at Heart

CREATIVE CARE - Karl and Becky go "above and beyond" to care for Gary and adapting the activities to suit him.  We are so spoiled.  Many thanks to Becky for all the photos and video! 

I love you guys!

Becky and Gary...Listening to the Fountain

"I don't know, I'm making this up as I go!" Indiana Jones

Gary and a "friend" go for a ride.

It felt a little like "Florida Weather" today.  We enjoyed a bit of rain even though the air was warm.  It was a welcome relief from the heat of August.  Having the windows open felt so good and I was able to do some pruning in our tiny garden without sweating.  The forecast is for more hot days ahead, and like most season changes, the Fall weather will not come suddenly. There will likely be warm days with cool nights, and a few more rainy days, mixed with less and less heat, before we are into the cooler days and nights of Autumn.   Seasons change gradually and sometimes imperceptibly here.

Gary and I are in the midst of more changes and that has me feeling a bit off balance.   Come to think of it, we have been making a string of adjustments for several years, and just when things are rolling along with a certain level of care giving, or our schedule, his health declines, and we need to make new arrangements. This is true for many of us who are involved with a progressive illness, or even raising children.  This life is constantly changing.  In a July Post  I mentioned that we would not be able to continue at the Adult Day Health Care program for various reasons.  This was the start of another transition.  Here it is September and we have already been making some changes.  Each week, we now have some "in home care giving," and Gary and I are enjoying some one-hour outings together with a friend helping us.  These activities have substituted nicely for the program.  (I've included photos of some of these great times with our care-givers and our planned "outings.")

Sampling at the Farmer's Market Outing - Aug. 2012

Checking Light bulbs at the Lowes Outing - Aug. 2012

Trying out the W.C.

But just like the occasional changes in the weather, we have had some changes of our own.  Over the summer, Gary's mobility and balance has really decreased.  It's kind of like when a little baby begins to walk, and they make a step or two, and drop to their knees, then they do it again, but step farther before dropping down again, then pretty soon they walk all the way and never go back to crawling.  BUT it's in reverse for us.  We have a "hard" day, and then a few good days, and then a couple of  "hard" days, and then a good day or two, and then pretty soon the "problem" is constant and he never goes back.  SO, we begin to "transition" when we start to see a pattern developing and that is where we are at right now.  In the middle of making arrangements to get even more help.  The wheel chair gets more use and makes it possible to do more and he wears the gait belt all the time, so we can stabilize him but we're looking for more help, and it is a time-consuming process.

Enjoying the Gene Autry Museum Aug 2012

 I wish I could slow things down and keep Gary the way he is for longer so things could stay the same.  I don't like change when it means less "normal'...when it means more distance between us....when it means others doing the things that I want to do for him.  BUT...I can no more control this disease than prevent Autumn from coming. 

Friendly Valley Billards Aug. 2012

Each season has it's own unique pleasures and pains.  We love how freshly fallen snow looks on pine trees, but we don't like driving on icy roads.  We enjoy the beach, but don't like the sun burn.  What's to love about the new season Gary and I are approaching?  I don't know yet.  We are in transition.  But I DO know that there are things about the season we are leaving that I have loved.  Gary talks to me with his eyes.  He knows me, or at least feels comfortable with me.  Old and new friends and our church has come around us.  The physical demands on me have motivated some weight loss.   There's a few.

When I'm tempted to feel anxious or scared about the unknowns or confused about what kind of care to choose, I am not always, but usually praying "God, I don't know what to do, but I know that YOU do.  So help me patiently trust as you unfold Your plans in our lives."  I know He will continue to provide for us exactly what we need, when we need it just as He has all along.


King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said that "God has made everything beautiful (appropriate/good) in it time."  Ecc. 3:11.  This being true I am sure that even this transition, is also beautiful, for it causes me to depend on the Lord and cling tightly to Him just as a child is led across a busy street by his parent until he is safely on the other side. 

Mark Twain, Coffee and a Pastry Sept. 2012

"The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

"He who gives attention to the word will find good, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord."  Proverbs 16:20

Watercolor Journal - "Miss Liz"

My daughter commissioned me to create this "thank you" gift for a very special lady.  Lizanne Blake is the very talented speech therapist who helped my grandson learn to speak.  To our family it's simply "Miss Liz".

One to two times a week for several years a highlight of the week was the visit to her office.   On one of our visits, I got to go along.  Not only did she have the coolest toys to play with, but she would get down on the floor in the midst of the boys and toys to play with them.  I enjoyed seeing how she used the playtime to draw out and emphasize certain sounds needed for speech.  "Good Talking, Micah!"  "He's making all the right sounds, April" she would encourage.  Then eventually the words came, and today, he is speaking fine.  When I Skype the boys, to read them their weekly story, our once "speech delayed" boy, will tell his stories to me.  That's music to my ears!  He doesn't need to go to Miss Liz anymore, but he misses her.  I'm happy I could have a part in this gift, because I want to say a big grandma THANK YOU to Liz Blake.

"We love to go to see Miss Liz!"

The painting was approx. 10" X 20" and here's a close up of the background for those of you who like to see the details:

Watercolor Journal - Celebrating Pink

 I have to admit that painting a monogram with cherry blossoms for a little girls room was especially fun for me.  Now pink always makes me think of girly things, like dollies and fairies, and princesses.  Cherry blossoms are the most perfect naturally occurring pink I can think of.  (The mom who bought this painting very kindly mentioned it on a parenting blog she contributes to. There's lots of good ideas at this blog, for you moms out there. Click HERE to see the photos and how nicely it is framed.  The photo is 3rd from the end.)

It was a privilege to raise 2 daughters, and as I was working away on this painting, which was special ordered for a "Pink Nursery" I kept thinking about our daughters.

Sarah with Holly Hobbie

April

When I was pregnant, before the age of ultrasounds and finding out the sex of your child ahead of time, Gary had been very vocal about wanting a boy, that is until the Dr. handed him our little Sarah.  Everything changed in an instant.  He was now a father of a girl, and soon would have 2.  He never looked back with any kind of regret not getting a boy.  He took our daughters on dates, to the Hello Kitty store, taught them to let a man hold the door for them, and was their protector.  He even got down on the floor to play My Little Ponies, on occasion. 
I loved sewing dresses for them, and having them help me make cookies, and all those typical things, but they knew how to climb up in the tree house too, and ride the zip line to the front yard.  And as you can see, one of them even liked to cuddle frogs. 
 Our girls to this day, are the best of friends, but their personalities are as different as night and day.  That may be the reason...  They have their own families now, and have supplied Gary and I with 6 grandsons and 2 granddaughters.  Since I just finished making another memory book for my husband, Gary, who has Alzheimer's,
these photos were fresh on my mind.  I couldn't resist sharing...

Sarah in the rain

A visitor in our fish pond

Who needs a dolly

Horatius Bonar's Gift to Me

Have you ever been overwhelmed with an emotion and then a verse, poem or song just "pops" into your head.  That happens to me so many times.  It happened yesterday.  Yesterday was a hard day.  Let me first say that there were many things to be thankful for and so I've already added them to my little  Thank You God List.

We went on an outing and I came back "weary, worn and sad."  These words are included in a very old song, written over 100 years ago, by Horatius Bonar, a Scottish preacher.  The song has been ringing in my ears since yesterday.  I can't add anything to the wonderful words, and the melody has served my soul with the reminder that it is ONLY by sticking close to Jesus will earthly sorrows be swallowed up with His beauty and love for me.  The song is really about the eternal life and joy that Jesus offers, but because He has given me the gift of that life, I can smile today, in spite of this life's difficulties.

Please take a couple of minutes to listen and read the lyrics.  Let it be my gift to you too.  Click on the photo below.

Jesus said "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."  Matthew 11:28-30