The Perfect Gift

What do you give to a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease?  Of course it depends on what stage they are in, and what their interests are, but I can tell you our family knew exactly what Gary would love this Christmas.

The gifts fell neatly into 3 categories so I will highlight a few so you can be inspired for your future gift-giving.  And you don't need to wait for Christmas or Birthdays with a dear one who has dementia.  They will appreciate a blessing at any time, since they live in the moment.

Textures

One of our grandsons made up the owl pillow which has several different fabrics. Gary enjoyed feeling the felt eyes.  The red fuzzy pom-poms were tied around a different gift and he enjoyed lacing it through his fingers.  Of course there are multiple types of interesting things to handle from wrapping paper to ribbon and boxes on Christmas morning.

 Memories

The Memory Book was my gift to Gary.  I use Shutterfly.com to create these books.  I've made several over the last year, and I choose a format that is simple and easy to read.  Today I looked slowly through it with Gary and he really looked at each page.  His eyes going from left to right, from page to page.   (Click here to read more)

The little memory card is full of digital photos from our daughter Sarah and her family to be loaded into Gary's digital photo frame.  I've shared about this great tool before here.

The Disc is loaded with Bible verses.  They are being read by our daughter, April and her husband, Jon.  They are reading them very slowly and clearly and leaving a pause in between so Gary can absorb them with his slowed thinking. The Word of God does not miss it's mark and I KNOW it is still nourishing Gary's soul even if he can't find the words to confirm it.  Today when I was playing the CD for him, he was sitting very quietly, and I believe he was listening.

Yummies

Of course this category is always appreciated.  Thankfully, Gary still has a good appetite, though he must be fed most things because he gets distracted and forgets to finish eating.  However, when being given bites of Cinnamon Roll yesterday, I evidently was taking too long in between bites (this time I was distracted), and he almost took a bite of a present he was holding instead.  It was obvious that he wanted the next bite of C.R. and we all had a good laugh. Some of his longtime favorites are represented here...Cinnamon Rolls from Sarah, Chessmen cookies and Shortbread from April, and Date Pinwheel cookies from my mom. The marshmellow Snowman is from the Grandkids and he will like it too, I guarantee.

I hope those of you who are currently caring for and loving someone with dementia, will be able to find many ways to love and serve them that they will enjoy.  We are so blessed, especially if we tone down our expectations, and keep things simple.  (and don't forget to laugh!) Gary and I both had a wonderful day yesterday and I trust you all did too. 

Gary's hugging his Memory Book right after I helped him open it.

And Now For Something Completely Different

Last weekend, I did something I have never done before.  Sarah and I went on a Mother-Daughter get-away to Newport Beach.  We had some rules...no food preparation whatsoever, (not even coffee) and no discussion of anything "stressful."  I'll let the photos do the talking...

 It was a rainy day, but we didn't care!

We went to Fashion Island, hoping to see "Lincoln" but it was sold out so we saw it later that night.  This shopping center is BEAUTIFUL and the fountains are fascinating. 

The next morning, we walked around Balboa Island, inspired by the well-loved cottages, and the unique shops.  As you can see the sun was out.  It was a beautiful day.  We did some "tasting" in the olive oil shop, and got a kick out of their wild looking pastas.  (We weren't able to take photos in there, or I would have.)  There was a black and white stripped pasta that was made from squid ink.  ok. Oh, and Christmas shopping too. 

Of course there is a Starbucks and in the background, "Ciao" Italian cuisine, where we ate lunch. 

When I was a kid, my friend Jenni used to invite me to join her family for a week on Balboa Island.  Seeing the candy store brought back so many fun memories with them.  We used to walk or ride bikes over to this street from their vacation house, and buy frozen bananas, or ice creams, and then ride the ferry to the fun zone at Newport in the evening.  Such freedom!  It was a different world back then, but even now, Balboa Island seems pretty much the same. 

 All dressed up for Christmas!

This yard decor was right on a prominent corner.  

Obviously important to the owners.

As we walked to breakfast, the owner was painting over the Halloween colors on their clock.  On our way home, it was completed and all ready for Christmas.

View across the Harbor

Do we look rested?  We are!  We really enjoyed our adorable little cottage. 

Some friends suggested we eat at the Beachcomber.  This was memorable, and will draw us back again.  

It's an area near Newport that was built in the 20's.  You park on PCH, and walk or ride a shuttle to Crystal Cove.  The little beach cottages are still available to rent, and they are right at the beach in Crystal Cove.  A few of them have been restored and preserved as a little historical "museum."  There were artists at work, and crafts to participate in.  

It was a special day, because Santa was coming to Crystal Cove. 

Only in California...

This is the patio of the Beachcomber restaurant.  See how close it is to the Beach and the Tree, and Santa's house, and everything.  The ocean is RIGHT THERE.  I hope I can go back again someday. Lunch was wonderful too, but alas, it was time to go to get back to our loved ones. 

We had a fantastic time, talking, talking and more talking.  Quality time with my oldest daughter, was so wonderful, and we both agreed that we needed to have April with us too.  She of course is in Florida and was running a half marathon on this weekend. We talked about her if that counts, :)  and laughed about so many fun memories.  Knowing that Gary was well cared for made it possible for me to relax and enjoy, and the time away was like medicine for my emotions, and even though it was a "new" kind of trip, I'd like to call it the "first" of many such mini-vacations for me.  

I thanked the Lord when I arrived home, for this wonderful time.

Getting Comfy with a Good Book

Wear Comfortable Shoes - Surviving and Thriving as a Caregiver

by Peter W. Rosenberger

Wear Comfortable Shoes

is a book for all of us caregivers.  It doesn't matter who you're taking care of, or what their condition is.  Age, condition, or relationship have no bearing on the advice given in this wonderful little book.  Peter Rosenberger has cared for his wife, Gracie, who has no legs.  I care for Gary who has advanced stage dementia.  Parents care for developmentally disabled kids, and most of us will care for an aging parent.  One thing's for sure; You either WERE a caregiver, you ARE a caregiver, you need a caregiver NOW, or you WILL need a caregiver in the FUTURE.

I FLEW through these 115 pages offered from this loving husband who has faced many of the same things I have.  Mr. Rosenberger has been doing this for 19 years longer than I have, and I learned much from him.  He has written personally, sharing his own experience (which includes Gracie's 70+ operations), and with tons of practical advice (including how to ASK for help and where the Church fits in).  He gets right to the point for the reader whose time is limited.

From the Introduction:

"Caregiving spills into every area of the caregiver's life and each area needs addressing.... Understanding and accepting that many of the challenges faced by caregivers only resolve through the death of a loved one, my goal is to equip and empower those caregivers to focus on life. 

Joy, peace and even happiness

await each caregiver, regardless of the circumstances."

On caring for one's self:

"I couldn't insulate myself or my family from events beyond my control, but I could take steps towards quality physical and emotional health.  With that said, I purposed to figure out what 'caring for myself' looks like on a daily (often hourly) basis....I have written in a way that I would want to read it, simple and to the point, filled with tips and lessons that readers can start today." p.8

 "Focusing on the health (emotional, physical, and financial) of the caregiver is not selfish or self-centered, in fact, it is the opposite. 

Exhausted caregivers make lousy caregivers.

" p. 11

These following chapters cover the impact areas of a caregiver's life.

H ealth

E motions

L ifestyle

P rofession

M oney

E ndurance

Throughout the book, Mr. Rosenberger uses a simple

1-2-30

reminder system for us busy caregivers and those who care about us!

In the chapter on Health, for example just remember...

1 Flu Shot

- "Although a flu shot may seem like a simple thing, it is a low-cost way of potentially avoiding a large problem.  We've all suffered from the flu, but caregivers often don't have the built-in margin that allows for "sick-days."

2 Well Visits (including annual physical)

- "A physical allows the caregiver to get out in front of their own health, so that they can stave off scary, but preventable diseases and issues."

30 Minutes of Daily Exercise/Activity

- "Daily exercise seems a no-brainer, but is hard for most people to do consistently.  Jogging, swimming, walking, aerobics, martial arts, the options are lengthy.  Pick one that works for you.  My dog's bladder dictates the amount of daily walking I do, and although I often grumble about it, Mack gives me a good excuse to get outside and walk off some calories."

The most important help of all is in the final chapter, When Your Heart is Hurting and Weary.  You will be blessed as you read about

1 Savior, 2 Hymns, and 30 Words

.

Wear Comfortable Shoes

is my new "you have to read this" book for all my caregiving friends and those who love us.

In our family, for instance, 6 years into Gary's care, there is now a great deal of concern for me too.  Pacing myself, and remembering that my  this is a marathon and not a sprint is the key to finishing THIS kind of race.

If you would like to learn more about the Peter and Gracie Rosenberger and their ministry to amputees, check out their website:

standingwithhope.com

Good Times

Old and new friends have been helping Gary and I get out and do some fun things.  

I can't take him places by myself, so these times have been sweet.  

I only have a smattering of photos 

and they don't always show who's along with us, 

but that's because they were usually the ones taking the pictures.  :)

BRIDGEPORT LAKE

A walk around the lake with sweet friends

Investigating the lawn (the wheelchair is needed when Gary gets tired)

.

Fountain demos

This came about when I mentioned to our Bible Study group 

that Gary & I are not able to get out together anymore. 

Sure enough they set up a sign up system 

so we could have someone go along with us on a regular basis.

 

VALENCIA MALL

Can't go wrong with a Cinnabon.

Or Anniversary Blend

 We usually have 2 outings a week, which are approx. 1 1/2 hours.  

That's about all we can handle. 

VENTURA COUNTY FAIR

With all the sights, sounds, and smells

Getting tired

Horticulture Exhibit

These outings are the highlights of our week.  

Gary gets some exercise and I get to enjoy some time with friends.   

Sometimes we just do something kind of "normal" like...

BROWSING THOUGH LOWES

The old stomping grounds

A walk through Lowes

Or, like today, we went somewhere new (to us)...

 

THE PATIOS SHOPPING AREA

"The Patios" at the Valencia Mall

Our happy companions

The fountains capture Gary's interest

Happy to be out in the fresh Autumn air

One of our favorite places is the beautiful...

DESCANSO GARDENS

Inspecting the Koi pond at Descanso Gardens

The rocks catch Gary's eye.

 Sometimes we don't go very far...we even like to walk around our own...

FRIENDLY VALLEY

Resting after a nice walk at the recreational area gardens.

Did you know that at the corner of McBean and Newhall Ranch, there are...

DUCK PONDS

Watching & listening to the water feature

Tending the garden (I keep a hand on his "gait belt" when he's on the move, because his balance is terrible now, and he "scissor steps" sometimes.)

To all of you who have been my "second set of hands" 

so that Gary and I could spend some time enjoying life together, 

may I say MANY THANKS! 

"For he will not dwell unduly on the days of his life, 

because God keeps him busy with the joy of his heart."

 Ecclesiastes 5:20

My Chat with Carol

My blogging friend, Carol on the opposite side of the country cares for her dear husband who suffers from Alzheimer's. She has a very helpful blog with many good links and book reviews as well as vignettes from their lives.  We share a love for Jesus and she too, is being strengthened by Him.

Recently she interviewed me for her blog.  If you care to read her questions and my answers click here 

Watercolor Journal - Vineyard Celebrations

I was recently commissioned to paint a monogram.  The couple was celebrating a 35th wedding anniversary at a beautiful vineyard location.  That's a longtime love. 

Painting grape leaves made me think of the Tokay (sp) grapes we had growing at our former home.  At least that's what someone told me they were.  They rambled along an arbor to a chain link fence and behind our old garage where they climbed up and over the wall to the neighbor's back yard.  She appreciated the grapes, so that was a good thing.  The arbor was replaced with a patio, but the vines kept growing, each year with the fruit moving down along the fence, and getting further and further from our yard.  It's kind of funny how we did the watering, but our neighbor ended up with the results.  But that was toward the end of our time at that house, and we didn't mind, because the vines themselves were pretty on the fence. 

We were in that home for 30+ years and during that time there were countless jars of grape jelly.  It was beautiful too.  So pink!  So I'd like to make a jelly "toast" (not jelly ON toast, although that sounds yummy) to the "A's" to congratulate them for 35 years of fruitful love. 

Our grape jelly!

"I will be there"

December 28, 1974

Right now I am doing of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  I had to come to terms with the fact that I should not continue to do for Gary all the things I want to.  Therefore, I am systematically assigning to others the many ways I care for him.  Changes are afoot, and I must say that I don't like change very much, unless it's exploring a new vacation spot with Gary, or remodeling the kitchen.  It's hard to look at the changes associated with "losses" as exciting.  The physical care is what I am mainly having to give up as he is less able to participate in sitting himself down, standing himself up, getting himself into and out of the car, and all the personal care things as well.  Though Gary is very compliant with others, it is hard for me to release him to them, as qualified as they are.  We have prayed for help, so that I can continue to stay healthy, protect my back, and have Gary here at home with me.  Help is coming in many forms, and I am so thankful in the midst of my ambivalence.  I must remember that were it not for relinquishing my involvement, we'd both be in trouble.   The red flags have been waving, as I have had to ice my back a few times this month, and have been fearful of "dropping" Gary on the way in from the car due to his loss of balance.

So I'm living in Excel right now, with a weekly schedule that has colorful blocks of time.  (Can't do anything without enjoying colors, right?)  I have lists of care giving agencies, personal referrals, and an unopened box of wheelchair ramps in the hallway.  I'm busy merging existing caregiving schedules, with new ones on the horizon, and if you know me at all you know I like charts, so this part of the process is not all bad.  Our sweet family has divided up some of the research to help making these decisions, and we are having "3-way Skype conference calls" to get things figured out.

A very happy moment on a very happy day1

There are no guarantees that he can always be here with me.  Our daughter made the comment the other day that many families have had to place their loved one in a care facility for very good reasons and our family is not special or unique in some way that we should be immune to this possibility.  But for now, God has made it possible for us to be together, and as a family, we are prayerfully entering into this new phase of greatly increased care in the home anticipating what good things will come of it. 

For those of you who have been praying for the needed help to come, it is partly in place, and more is in the works.  Thank you for bringing our needs before the Throne of God.  One thing I look forward to is the chance to tell you some of the most amazing things that have already happened that truly show the kind, attention of our very personal God.  Gary is the one with the simple, deeply rooted faith in his Savior.  I am trying very hard to follow his example, keep things simple, not over analyze and listen to counsel of our elders, and loved ones.

We're getting there.  It's hard but not impossible.  There are many songs that come to mind lately.  This one had me holding Gary's hand this morning, and singing along with Steven Curtis Chapman to Gary.  Yes, I cried.  To all you care giving folks out there, even if you are not physically involved with you loved one any more, or you have to go visit them somewhere else, I know you are still "there" for your dear one.  I know I will be no matter what.  The song is 4 minutes if you have a chance to listen.  Just click the little triangle, in the picture below.

 

Pass the tissues please...

5 "C's" of Caregiving

I have a lot on my mind these days, (see last post) ,  but knowing that Gary is in good hands for the few hours a week when I can't be with him is such a gift.  Here are some fun photos and video from Friday.
 
CRASHED - We were caught snuggling after a busy morning.   Gary had spent the morning with our care givers.  I had spent the morning running my errands. 

I love this man.

Approaching the car wash.

CAR WASH - A ride through car wash was fully entertaining for Gary.  Plenty to look at and listen to here while Karl and Becky got their car washed.








CAROUSEL - Our friend, Nathan, says "Gary gets to do all the things we all WISH we could do."  This video is proof of that:

CINNABON - Gary LOVES Cinnamon rolls!  He always has and always will.

Karl and Gary...Young at Heart

CREATIVE CARE - Karl and Becky go "above and beyond" to care for Gary and adapting the activities to suit him.  We are so spoiled.  Many thanks to Becky for all the photos and video! 

I love you guys!

Becky and Gary...Listening to the Fountain

"I don't know, I'm making this up as I go!" Indiana Jones

Gary and a "friend" go for a ride.

It felt a little like "Florida Weather" today.  We enjoyed a bit of rain even though the air was warm.  It was a welcome relief from the heat of August.  Having the windows open felt so good and I was able to do some pruning in our tiny garden without sweating.  The forecast is for more hot days ahead, and like most season changes, the Fall weather will not come suddenly. There will likely be warm days with cool nights, and a few more rainy days, mixed with less and less heat, before we are into the cooler days and nights of Autumn.   Seasons change gradually and sometimes imperceptibly here.

Gary and I are in the midst of more changes and that has me feeling a bit off balance.   Come to think of it, we have been making a string of adjustments for several years, and just when things are rolling along with a certain level of care giving, or our schedule, his health declines, and we need to make new arrangements. This is true for many of us who are involved with a progressive illness, or even raising children.  This life is constantly changing.  In a July Post  I mentioned that we would not be able to continue at the Adult Day Health Care program for various reasons.  This was the start of another transition.  Here it is September and we have already been making some changes.  Each week, we now have some "in home care giving," and Gary and I are enjoying some one-hour outings together with a friend helping us.  These activities have substituted nicely for the program.  (I've included photos of some of these great times with our care-givers and our planned "outings.")

Sampling at the Farmer's Market Outing - Aug. 2012

Checking Light bulbs at the Lowes Outing - Aug. 2012

Trying out the W.C.

But just like the occasional changes in the weather, we have had some changes of our own.  Over the summer, Gary's mobility and balance has really decreased.  It's kind of like when a little baby begins to walk, and they make a step or two, and drop to their knees, then they do it again, but step farther before dropping down again, then pretty soon they walk all the way and never go back to crawling.  BUT it's in reverse for us.  We have a "hard" day, and then a few good days, and then a couple of  "hard" days, and then a good day or two, and then pretty soon the "problem" is constant and he never goes back.  SO, we begin to "transition" when we start to see a pattern developing and that is where we are at right now.  In the middle of making arrangements to get even more help.  The wheel chair gets more use and makes it possible to do more and he wears the gait belt all the time, so we can stabilize him but we're looking for more help, and it is a time-consuming process.

Enjoying the Gene Autry Museum Aug 2012

 I wish I could slow things down and keep Gary the way he is for longer so things could stay the same.  I don't like change when it means less "normal'...when it means more distance between us....when it means others doing the things that I want to do for him.  BUT...I can no more control this disease than prevent Autumn from coming. 

Friendly Valley Billards Aug. 2012

Each season has it's own unique pleasures and pains.  We love how freshly fallen snow looks on pine trees, but we don't like driving on icy roads.  We enjoy the beach, but don't like the sun burn.  What's to love about the new season Gary and I are approaching?  I don't know yet.  We are in transition.  But I DO know that there are things about the season we are leaving that I have loved.  Gary talks to me with his eyes.  He knows me, or at least feels comfortable with me.  Old and new friends and our church has come around us.  The physical demands on me have motivated some weight loss.   There's a few.

When I'm tempted to feel anxious or scared about the unknowns or confused about what kind of care to choose, I am not always, but usually praying "God, I don't know what to do, but I know that YOU do.  So help me patiently trust as you unfold Your plans in our lives."  I know He will continue to provide for us exactly what we need, when we need it just as He has all along.


King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said that "God has made everything beautiful (appropriate/good) in it time."  Ecc. 3:11.  This being true I am sure that even this transition, is also beautiful, for it causes me to depend on the Lord and cling tightly to Him just as a child is led across a busy street by his parent until he is safely on the other side. 

Mark Twain, Coffee and a Pastry Sept. 2012

"The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

"He who gives attention to the word will find good, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord."  Proverbs 16:20

Watercolor Journal - "Miss Liz"

My daughter commissioned me to create this "thank you" gift for a very special lady.  Lizanne Blake is the very talented speech therapist who helped my grandson learn to speak.  To our family it's simply "Miss Liz".

One to two times a week for several years a highlight of the week was the visit to her office.   On one of our visits, I got to go along.  Not only did she have the coolest toys to play with, but she would get down on the floor in the midst of the boys and toys to play with them.  I enjoyed seeing how she used the playtime to draw out and emphasize certain sounds needed for speech.  "Good Talking, Micah!"  "He's making all the right sounds, April" she would encourage.  Then eventually the words came, and today, he is speaking fine.  When I Skype the boys, to read them their weekly story, our once "speech delayed" boy, will tell his stories to me.  That's music to my ears!  He doesn't need to go to Miss Liz anymore, but he misses her.  I'm happy I could have a part in this gift, because I want to say a big grandma THANK YOU to Liz Blake.

"We love to go to see Miss Liz!"

The painting was approx. 10" X 20" and here's a close up of the background for those of you who like to see the details:

Watercolor Journal - Celebrating Pink

 I have to admit that painting a monogram with cherry blossoms for a little girls room was especially fun for me.  Now pink always makes me think of girly things, like dollies and fairies, and princesses.  Cherry blossoms are the most perfect naturally occurring pink I can think of.  (The mom who bought this painting very kindly mentioned it on a parenting blog she contributes to. There's lots of good ideas at this blog, for you moms out there. Click HERE to see the photos and how nicely it is framed.  The photo is 3rd from the end.)

It was a privilege to raise 2 daughters, and as I was working away on this painting, which was special ordered for a "Pink Nursery" I kept thinking about our daughters.

Sarah with Holly Hobbie

April

When I was pregnant, before the age of ultrasounds and finding out the sex of your child ahead of time, Gary had been very vocal about wanting a boy, that is until the Dr. handed him our little Sarah.  Everything changed in an instant.  He was now a father of a girl, and soon would have 2.  He never looked back with any kind of regret not getting a boy.  He took our daughters on dates, to the Hello Kitty store, taught them to let a man hold the door for them, and was their protector.  He even got down on the floor to play My Little Ponies, on occasion. 
I loved sewing dresses for them, and having them help me make cookies, and all those typical things, but they knew how to climb up in the tree house too, and ride the zip line to the front yard.  And as you can see, one of them even liked to cuddle frogs. 
 Our girls to this day, are the best of friends, but their personalities are as different as night and day.  That may be the reason...  They have their own families now, and have supplied Gary and I with 6 grandsons and 2 granddaughters.  Since I just finished making another memory book for my husband, Gary, who has Alzheimer's,
these photos were fresh on my mind.  I couldn't resist sharing...

Sarah in the rain

A visitor in our fish pond

Who needs a dolly

Horatius Bonar's Gift to Me

Have you ever been overwhelmed with an emotion and then a verse, poem or song just "pops" into your head.  That happens to me so many times.  It happened yesterday.  Yesterday was a hard day.  Let me first say that there were many things to be thankful for and so I've already added them to my little  Thank You God List.

We went on an outing and I came back "weary, worn and sad."  These words are included in a very old song, written over 100 years ago, by Horatius Bonar, a Scottish preacher.  The song has been ringing in my ears since yesterday.  I can't add anything to the wonderful words, and the melody has served my soul with the reminder that it is ONLY by sticking close to Jesus will earthly sorrows be swallowed up with His beauty and love for me.  The song is really about the eternal life and joy that Jesus offers, but because He has given me the gift of that life, I can smile today, in spite of this life's difficulties.

Please take a couple of minutes to listen and read the lyrics.  Let it be my gift to you too.  Click on the photo below.

Jesus said "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."  Matthew 11:28-30

Thanks John for the Cup

Gary's long time friend, John, was in town this week for business, and he brought Gary a new coffee mug.  They have enjoyed countless cups of coffee together over the years.  He knows Gary well, and gave him a mug that reflects that.  The handle is big for his fingers, it has a big "bolt" to rest his thumb on, the tools are "raised" so Gary can feel their texture.  It's yellow, like Gary's yellow truck which they worked out of together.

When we receive a gift, we say "Thank you" to the one who gave it.

In order to be a bit more intentional about being thankful..."In everything give thanks; for this God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18, I've started a "page" to keep an ongoing list as things come to mind.  (Click the tab, to the right, above this post)  I am calling it "Thank you God" because giving thanks implies that you are thanking Someone.  Some things are little, some are big, but we are to be grateful for EVERYTHING, so I hope it inspires all of us, to remember to say thank you to God as we go throughout our day.

So "Thank you, John, for the cup, and thank you, God, for John!"

Hope you all have a wonder-filled day, and remember to say "thank you" to the One who gives all good gifts!

Bad News - I think not.

Our Walk at Lower Lake Castaic (July 2012)

I received a call from the social worker at the Adult Day Health Care Center yesterday.  Gary attends the program 3 times a week and has been going there for about 2 years.  The sweet voice on the phone apologetically said, "Gary is needing a higher level of care, and we are short handed right now.  I'm sorry but in order for Gary to continue attending, his fees will increase and you'll also need to send a caregiver with him to assist the staff with his care."  Well, as you can imagine, the cost would be prohibitive, because the cost of adding a caregiver to assist in the program would be double what we are paying now, so I let her know that next week will have to be his last week.

Working the gadget board (July 2012)

Yes, I shed a tear, when I hung up the phone.  It makes me sad to be reminded of Gary's decline in health.  The program has been good for him, and I am sorry it has to come to an end. The staff have been very helpful and compassionate towards Gary.  He has never given them any "trouble."  He just needs more help than they can give at present.  But as to this news being "bad" it isn't really.  Many of you know that the ongoing decision making regarding Gary's care is always on my mind.  With any progressive illness, adjustments must be made frequently.  Just when you think you have something all worked out for a while, there must be a change in the schedule, or who is helping, or how many hours, or what kind of exercise routine.

Of late, I've been praying for wisdom regarding stepping up the care, as to what would be best for Gary and I. One of the things I had considered was additional days at the Health Care Center.  Well, as usual, the Lord leads...this time by taking that option off the table completely.  God is working His plan in our lives, and I am looking forward to what that might be.  This trial has been humbling for me as I am again forced to "wait and see" what God wants for us.  There are other options out there, which we will explore, but in the mean time, I will choose joy, and peace.  They are promised to me in abundance, and I am going to relish in the good, loving care of the one true God.

At the workbench (July 2012)

A verse I've been thinking about lately is Ecclesiastes 3:11.  "He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in their heart without which man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end."

God has graciously given me an eternal perspective.  This life is brief in light of "forever" and therefore I can have the pleasure of knowing that life IS beautiful and there is a good work going on here. This momentary "setback" is just a part of the process of bringing about a beautiful plan and we are privileged to be involved.

I'm so grateful for so many of you who keep praying for us.  I desire to know God better and better, and want to keep my mind focused on His great love for us.  Please join with me in praying for me (and all of us) to that end.  Thank you.

 

Watercolor Journals - Psalm 103

Recently a friend asked me to paint a portrait of their home for an anniversary gift for her husband.   Don't you just LOVE their house?  I really enjoyed this assignment. Especially the white porch railing and the red door.  The reference photos they sent me showed rocking chairs on the porch.  What a great spot for a glass of iced tea and a good book. 

My favorite part of this project, though, was thinking about their family and how they have given of themselves to others, using their home as a gift from God to be used for His wonderful purposes.

"Bless the LORD oh my soul and all that is within me bless His holy name!"

It was not possible to include in the painting, but there is a Bible verse written just above the door on that very welcoming porch. That's what got me thinking...




How am I stirring up my deepest self to magnify God's character?  Am I using all the resources I've been given to "show off God"?  Am I yielding up to God the secret areas of my life that I like to control so that I better reflect Him?   Charles Spurgeon said it better than me when he commented on Psalms 103:1

"Soul music is the very soul of music.  The Psalmist strikes the best key-note when he begins with stirring up his inmost self to magnify the Lord.  He soliloquizes, holds self-communion and exhorts himself, as though he felt that dulness would all too soon steal over his faculties, as, indeed, it will over us all, unless we are diligently on the watch.  Jehovah is worthy to be praised by us in that highest style of adoration which is intended by the term bless...Many are our faculties, emotions, and capacities, but God has given them all to us, and they ought all to join in chorus to his praise.  Half-hearted, ill-conceived, unintelligent praises are not such as we should render to our loving Lord.  If the law of justice demanded all our heart and soul and mind for the Creator, much more may the law of gratitude put in a comprehensive claim for the homage of our whole being to the God of grace." (from Treasury of David)


Karen has kindly written about my painting on her blog if you care to check it out.  Karen's blog post

Remembering

(Sorry  if this is a duplicate for you, but I made a boo-boo and had to republish this post.)

As I said in the last post...I am enjoying the recently digitized treasure of Gary's photos from the 60's.  Now that they are digital...there's so much we can do with them!

Thanks, April and Jon!

We received a photo frame from our kids at Christmas.  So I loaded some of Gary's childhood photos onto a memory card, and then plugged it into the frame.  (Forgive the detail, if you already know about these...but I can't help being excited!)  

I love how they cycle through as in a slide show.  Mine are set for 30 second intervals.  The image is about 5" X 7".  (Vertical photos are smaller, but the frame can be turned on it's side if more are vertical.)

Frame is bigger than appears here.

I had this frame sitting around different places in the house, for several weeks, and could never interest Gary in it, until last week.  I put it on the counter, right in front of where he was sitting and he began watching.  I even saw a smile for a little while.  For an Alzheimer's mind, the slow rotation was great. 

Eye level is best.

 Since the long term memories are the last to go, I think he was really enjoying remembering his family's many water skiing vacations, family pets, and projects.  He didn't loose interest for at least 30 minutes.




Last fall I got started making "Memory Books" for Gary.  I've made several, and they are all of our own family photos, scanned from slides from the 70's and 80's.  Now that I have Gary's photos, I intend to make some more memory books for him. For more detail on these...click:  My post about Memory Books

I think the single most frightening thing about Alzheimer's Disease is the loss of memory.  Not just how to tie your shoes, or what you just said, but who you are, and where did you come from.  The confusion that results from not remembering things.  With memories disappearing, I am so glad for digital photos! They are helping to give Gary comforting images to reassure his mind. They also give him something to focus on.

A friend got me thinking today about how God remembers us.  With Gary 'forgetting' so much, I'm glad she brought it mind.  My friend prompted me to think about the following:

1. We may forget everything, but God will not forget us. "Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.  For He Himself knows our frame; He remembers that we are but dust."  Psalm 103:13-14
2. God does NOT remember our sins, since our lives are hidden with Christ in God. "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins." Isaiah 43:25
3. Now is the time to be thinking about God because life is fleeting, like the vapor on a cup of coffee and no one knows if or when they will not be able to.  "Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, 'I have no delight in them.'" Ecclesiastes 12:1 Here's a great message on this by Rick Holland
   

 Gary may forget ALL things.  God will not forget him.

"Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be.  We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is.  And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure." 1 John 3:2-3

Gary's World in the 60's

Recently, my friend Glenna, helped me by scanning hundreds of our 35mm color slides to make digital copies.  This project resulted in some very special photos from both sides of our family, going back to the mid 60's.  Gary's childhood and teen years were so fun to look at, because I had only seen a few of them.  I couldn't wait to post some just because...

Gary got his first ( but not last) ticket for riding his illegal bike on the street.

His dad allowed him to dissect an engine.

Gordon and Gary, before the dance lessons.

I don't know what I think about this.

Gary's beautiful English mother, Rachel

The Prices visit Boulder Dam.

1966 Fashion

Yellowstone Bear Jam...used to be a common occurrence back in the day.

At the B&W Resort in the Sacramento Delta area

The most Price Family photos by far were devoted to waterskiing and boat building.  The Price family built their own jet ski boat, one of a couple built with a friend who was hoping to manufacture them.  Later Gary's dad gave us the boat, and oh the fun we had with it.  I'm including just a few of these boat building photos.  If you get bored...just scroll down to the very last one!  It's my favorite of the entire box of slides!

Gary's dad, Tom Price builds a boat.

Plywood and Fiberglass

1-2-3 Lift

Gary said he and his brother, spent days and days, sanding the surface.

Maiden voyage at Hansen Dam Lake!

Two years later, finished.

Gordon and Gary take her for a ride.

Heading home, with boat in tow, in the bed of the pick-up, Gary inspects his guns.

A Woman's Got to Know Her Limitations #4: Choose Wisely

Limitation #4: Quadrants

"CHOOSE WISELY"

Given my personality, I tend to only think it was a good day if my 'to-do' list is done, but no matter what your personality is, there's never enough hours in the day to do EVERYTHING on the list.  I recently came upon this very helpful way of looking at things in a book by Dave Ramsey, and it is SO helpful I wanted to share it with you.  (He credits Dr. Stephen Covey, who wrote "7 Habits of Effective People.")

We spend all our time in one of these 4 categories.

We do things that are:

1. Important AND Urgent
2. Important but NOT Urgent
3. NOT Important but Urgent
4. NOT Important and NOT Urgent

I'm sure you are already thinking of things for each category.   EVERYTHING we do fits into this list.  Activities can even move from category to category, depending on our goals.  Most reasonably responsible people will take care of #1: Important AND Urgent  Whether there is a school or business deadline, you need dinner, or your child falls down and gets hurt, we drop everything and get it done. 

Most people know to avoid spending very much time on #4 items: NOT Important and NOT Urgent  These are the morally neutral time wasters which can be different for everyone, but for me can include some Social Media, some T.V., and Crossword Puzzles.  Dave Ramsey calls these the "passive, unproductive moments and people."  I believe that some relaxation is necessary in everyone's life but it is easy to cross over from "relaxing" into "wasting time."

The problem areas are #3 and #2. 

#3: NOT Important but Urgent items are tricky.  They steel us away from what we should be doing, because they are urgent, so they SEEM important!  For me this can be the unplanned things that come up throughout the day that demand my attention such as; Ads that come in the mail or if one of the blogs I follow has a contest/give-away that requires a response. Or how about Email and Facebook notifications on my phone which may or may not be important, but the temptation to "check on them" immediately can cause me to loose my train of thought from what I was doing.  You get the idea.  There was book I heard of a while back called  The Tyranny of the Urgent   I haven't read it, but love the title.  Tyranny is defined as arbitrary or unrestrained exercise of power.  Why do we let these things take over our present time?  I want to say here, that these items may actually be important, once evaluated, but in my own life anyway, I need to come at them in an orderly way.  I can make decisions about them without deviating from the important thing that I am doing in the present moment.  For instance (and I have done this by the way): While I am making dinner, I get a little notice on my phone that I have an email coming in.  Let's say it's an advertisement from Christopher and Banks , my favorite online clothing source.  I have a choice...I can stop chopping vegies, and check on the ad, or I can "flag" it for later, when I need to have "relaxation" time and presently, get back to the chopping block.  Better yet...don't even check on it till later.  If I have already used up the clothing budget funds for that month, the ad is actually Not Important and Not Urgent and should not even be flagged.

(PAUSE:  Right now since this blog post is in the category of Important but NOT Urgent, I need to make dinner, so I will be back after dinner!)
 

OK... I'm back...

#2: Important but NOT Urgent activities are the ones we need to DO!  Dave's list is: "exercise, strategic planning, goal setting reading nonfiction leadership/business books, taking a class or three, relationship building, prayer, date night with your spouse, a day off devoted to brainstorming, doing your will/estate plan, saving money, and having the oil changed in your car."  We each have a unique list of things that are Important but NOT Urgent.  Mine include some of the same things...exercise, time with Gary, prayer, friendships, etc.  According to Dave, these activities are "the building blocks of a high-quality life and business and yet because they are not urgent, they seem to be some of the things we avoid the most."  He's right. He makes the point that if we avoid them, they will end up moving to the #1: Important AND URGENT category, because of neglect. If I don't get the oil changed regularly, my car will be needing expensive repairs...or worse.  You get the idea.

"HE CHOSE POORLY"

I'm trying really hard to budget time for #1 and #2 avoid and/or delegate #3 and avoid completely #4.

For a visual...here's the chart from Dr. Covey:

 

 

Lego Indiana Jones (Neither Important nor Urgent)

 

 

"We are NOT waterskiing!"

I am often asked "How is Gary doing?"  My response is typically, "Pretty good considering.  But the disease is progressing."  There is usually a follow-up question..."How are YOU doing?"  That will have to be another post...I want to use this post to explain some things, and I need to say up front that this is not primarily a plea for sympathy or help, rather to get people up to speed.  Some of my blogging friends have never met us, some of our older friends have not seen Gary for many years and many of you want updates so you can pray more specifically for us.  (In my entire life, I have NEVER seen so much specific, detailed attention from the Lord to our specific situation.  I am 100% convinced that God loves us and hears and answers the prayers of His children.)  In order to give an accurate picture of where we're at with this progressive disease, I have to give a bit of information.  Please bear with me.

ALZHEIMER'S STAGES:

There are

7 Stages of A.D

.  As you probably know, A.D. starts with a bit of forgetfulness, or confusion, and results in complete brain destruction and death, usually from a secondary problem, such as pneumonia or infections. Though you can't place anyone in a specific place in the progression because of overlap, both our neurologist and his primary Dr. have stated that Gary is in the advanced stages.  His mobility and overall health, disguise this.   From the Alzheimer's Association:

Stage 7: Very severe cognitive decline: (Severe or late-stage Alzheimer's disease)In the final stage of this disease, individuals lose the ability to respond to their environment, to carry on a conversation and, eventually, to control movement. They may still say words or phrases.  At this stage, individuals need help with much of their daily personal care, including eating or using the toilet. They may also lose the ability to smile, to sit without support and to hold their heads up. Reflexes become abnormal. Muscles grow rigid. Swallowing impaired.

Everyone is different, and no two people experience ALL of the listed symptoms, or in the typical order.  For instance, some folks are chatty all along.  Gary may say one or two words a day, which may or may not make sense to the listener.  (Have we ever thanked God for the ability to communicate with those we love?  I used to take this for granted.) 

ACTIVITIES OF DAILY LIVING:

Early on with this illness, we were told about the eventual need for help with A.D.L.  I had never hear that term before.  How well I know it now!  Here's the list from the Alz. Association, and a few examples of how it is for Gary and I.

• Bathing - Yep!  I bathe him.
• Dressing - Gary lets me dress him, and tries to help, but in buttoning his shirt, for instance, his hands just get in the way.  Lately he has taken to grasping the closest thing to his hands.  The shirtsleeve, my wrists, anything.  By putting a handkerchief or washcloth in his hand, I can draw the sleeve over his hands without "velcro-fingers" slowing things down.
• Grooming - If Gary looks scruffy, it's because I didn't do a good job shaving him, so don't blame him...it's me.
• Oral Care - He lets me floss and brush his teeth.  He may even try to hold his mouth open, but this is getting harder and harder. I usually have to pry it open and NOT get my finger between his teeth.  That can be a BAD idea! I take him to the dentist for a cleaning twice a year, and if I sit next to him, and reassure him while talking to the hygienist, he cooperates.  We have a fantastic Dental office who have been incredibly helpful. If he gets a cavity, or needs a crown, it will be a BIG problem, so I am always concerned that we keep his teeth and gums healthy. 
• Toileting - Yep!  Nuff said.
• Transferring - (moving from one place to another) So far Gary is mobile so we are not using a wheel chair.  That day appears to be approaching, since his balance is so poor.  I do not let him walk anywhere without someone at his elbow.  He tends to tip backward and has fallen a few times.  In some ways a wheel chair would make things easier, because folks would understand.  As it is, when we are in public and we pass through a doorway, he will try to grab on to the door handle, out of habit to open it for me, but then he won't let go.  This often causes a small traffic jam as people wait for me to un-peel his fingers from the handle.  A wheel chair would signal others that we need some help with doors, etc.  A wheel chair would allow me to wheel him to the table, instead of scooting his chair.  He does not scoot.  He does not move his feet forward when I am scooting the chair, so I have to manually move his feet in front of him so the chair doesn't crunch up his calves.  The reason I am delaying the wheel chair, is that the less mobile he becomes the more his muscles will atrophy and he will have a better life if he is able to move.  But, as I said, I can see the day approaching...
• Walking - When just stepping out, he consistently uses the wrong foot.  For instance when you should use your right, because you are headed to your right, Gary uses his left, so he ends up crossing his feet.  Kind of a "scissor step".  So he must be guided along.  Some mornings, when he has socks on, and I'm leading him he doesn't even take a step.  I end up towing him across the laminate.  He actually looks like he's water skiing.  I have to tell him... "WE ARE NOT WATER SKIING!  You need to take a step." I am pretty sure he has a twinkle in his eye, and thinks it's fun.

2012

1982

• Climbing Stairs - Going up's not too bad, but going down is another story unless they are not too steep.  I now avoid them if possible.  Elevators are ok if they are not crowded.  Gary is not claustrophobic, but I can't maneuver him around very well, and he doesn't understand "stepping aside" or "moving over" to make room for someone.  The elevator at church is particularly difficult, because people are so willing to "squeeze one more in", not realizing our situation.  Once they understand, they are extremely accommodating to us, but I often wait until the next load, which may be more empty. 
• Eating - Most meals take an hour.  (He was always one to "savor" his food.) He takes small bites, which he tends to nibble.  He is having an increasingly hard time dealing with swallowing.  He feeds himself a few bites, then must be fed because he gets distracted, or closes his eyes, or turns the spoon into a screwdriver, or some other mechanical tool. 
• Shopping - Stimulation overload.  Stores are not a good place for someone like Gary.  There's loud music playing, people coming and going, products, displays, etc. etc...There is NO WAY he could buy anything.  BUT in January, we went for Coffee and a sweet roll to Panera Bread, and he stood with me at the glass display case and when I asked him what he would like he actually pointed to a cinnamon-roll-muffin thing.  It is random and rare, that he would make a 'choice' and I was elated.
• Cooking - I keep the sharp knifes put away out of sight if I am not using them.  I do not leave them in the sink to dry.  I keep Gary from going near the stove if something's cooking.  I have had to stop him from trying to pick up a hot pan.  He would not be able to pour a bowl of cereal for himself now.  He does, however open the cookie jar and take out a cookie.  :) 
• Managing - Impossible.  There is no sense of time passing, or to-do lists, or problem-solving.  He no longer writes, or draws.  I do not know if he recognizes his name. 
• Medications - He stopped swallowing pills whole several years ago, but at least he chews them up and doesn't refuse them.  He used to chew up his Asprin, ever since I met him, so don't feel too sorry for him about this.  I think his taste mechanism is somewhat off though because he doesn't even make a face.  If they are "timed release" it can be a problem, so I have to find a version that can be dissolved in the mouth.
• Using the Phone - Phone calls are impossible so he stopped carrying a phone in 2010.  (I did see him pick up an apple, hold it to his ear, and say "hello" when he heard a phone ring recently though.)  Thank the Lord for Skype so he can sometimes sit in on a call to our daughter, April's family in Florida.  At least he can see them, and hear them.
• Housework - (Substitute Yardwork in Gary's case!)  When Gary is taken for a walk, he often stops to pick a "weed".  He does not differentiate between weeds and other plants, but he does pick up little twigs, or sprigs of things.  He still finds some pleasure in "pruning, weeding, and tending."  If he bends over, he must be supported and lifted back up, because he can't usually get himself back up again.  If he does rise up again, he will typically go right over backwards. 

2011 (Gary is too unstable to do this now)

• Doing Laundry - Gary never did the laundry anyway, :) but now there are multiple mishaps and spills, making the washer and dryer run daily.
• Driving - Gary stopped driving in 2008 and voluntarily surrendered his license.
• Managing Finances - He hasn't needed a wallet for 2 years, because he doesn't shop or understand how to count, or make change.  BUT...when asked in February if he wanted to make a Valentine's card for me at the Adult Day Health Care, in one of his rare speaking moments, he said, "How much is it going to cost?"  His helper couldn't wait to tell me about it because it was the only thing he had said in several weeks.  I was presented with a pink construction paper card, with a couple of stickers and a doily glued on.  To me, the fact that he spoke, was the best Valentine gift and it didn't cost anything. :)

At this point, Gary still doesn't wander, repeat himself, get agitated, angry or combative. He continues to enjoy working with his hands, turning any object into a tool; a straw, a spoon, a coffee cup etc.  This can result in a foot massage for me, if I'm lucky!

3 Days Ago

I'm sure he usually recognizes me, and other family members and a few friends.  It has been since 2007 that Gary was diagnosed and since 2006 that the problems began.  Now, 6 years later, here we are with a life dominating illness. I love Gary more than ever, and have been learning from him all along.  While Gary was healthy I took many things for granted, and even complained about some of the things that I now long for.  He has lost so much.  So have I.  I sometimes cry out to the Lord that it hurts to "lose my best friend, and on top of that, it's hard work too."  But, God is enough for us.  I trust Him.  He has proven over and over that does not bring anything into our lives that is unkind and there are no mistakes.  Our burden has been shared and  lifted off of us by so many friends and our wonderful family that I can honestly say that I'm joyful and fulfilled.  I believe that Gary is at peace too.  If you are around him much, you would agree. 

Easter 2012

Gary's Prayers - "Thank You"

Gary's Prayers

since being diagnosed with Alzheimer's in '07

 May 16, 2012

"Heavenly Father, thank you"

Gary prayed last night.  This is the first time in MONTHS that he has prayed out loud.  It was at dinner with some friends over.  His prayer was short.  It ended abruptly.  He got "stuck" as if he was going to say more but couldn't.  I finished for him and then our friend, Steve, commented that he had often heard Gary begin his prayers this way.

Can you even imagine how encouraging these 4 words were to my heart?   He is still giving praise and honor to his Heavenly Father, because he has been rescued from his heart of stone and been given a heart of flesh.  In his simple, random, rare moments, he continues to give thanks to God.

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

To the suffering Believers who were scattered about because of persecution, Peter wrote:

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect(fix what is broken),confirm(strengthen with resolve, under-gird), strengthen(strengthen wherever needed), and establish (give a firm foundation) you."  1 Peter 5:10

Though the circumstances were different, God is ALWAYS using this fallen world to do "a thousand things" in the lives of those who entrust their souls to Him.  May we ALL give thanks (to God) in EVERYTHING!